Cross Roads
by wscaster
Summary: Life is never easy and is forever tossing curve balls.  Gibbs has been caught in the explosion, but what is happening with everyone else.  This is a SlashMPreg story, nothing to graphic but rating may change as the story continues.
1. Explosion

He felt his heart stop as the explosion rocked the ship and everything close by, including the car that the three of them were sitting in. And for the first time in over a week his stomach stopped trying to revolt by emptying it's contents.

And he knew.

Without moving from where he sat, he knew without a doubt that Gibbs had been caught in the blast.

He didn't realise that he had moved until he found himself looking at the room where the bomb had gone off, didn't feel anything until he saw Gibbs laying there bloody, burnt and broken. Then he reached down, he had to know for sure, had to check for himself, to be able to convince himself of the truth. NO one could have survived this, he'd heard it from those he'd passed getting there, from Ziva and McGee. But he had to know. His heart was still, but at the same time he couldn't make himself believe that he had lost Gibbs, not now, not after all they had been through to get where they were.

He reached out his shaking hand and gently felt for a pulse. Scared of what he'd find, of what he wouldn't find. It was so faint that he almost missed it, thought that maybe he was imagining it because he wanted it, no not wanted, needed it, so badly to be true. He concentrated a little harder until he was sure that it was real. Very faint, but real.

"We need a medic down here!"

He hadn't realised that he'd yelled until all the surrounding commotion stopped. Ziva knelt next to him and replaced his hand with her own.

Ziva had been enjoying herself while they waited for Gibbs. It was fun to stir both Tony and McGee up, and sometimes it was just too easy to do. What with English being one of, if not the most, difficult language to learn. Sometimes things just didn't come out the way that she meant. Other times she deliverately played with her team mates, making small slips now and then. But she had found something here in this country, with these people that she worked with every day that she hadn't expected to find. She had found the place where she belonged, a place where she felt safe, and after some rough starts with a few people, a place where she was accepted.

When the bomb had gone off she was shocked, this was ASmerica, things like this just didn't happen without any warning. Ok there were the 9/11 attacks, but still it was not what you expected. Maybe she had been in America to long, if she had been at home in Isreal, or on a dangerous assignment, or working a Mossad case she'd have seen this coming. It had taken her a moment to realise that Tony was out of the car, she quickly followed him, she saw McGee stumble along behind them.

She hoped that non one had been caught in the blast, they couldn't have survived. She took a moment to try and contact Gibbs, while scanning the people who were now moving to take control of the situation. Her heart kept wanting him to just appear on deck, smile and tell them to get back to work, but the closer they got, and with Gibbs not answering her calls, the lower her heart sand. When they reached the room and they got conformation that Gibbs had been in there her heart broke. She felt herself shut down her emotions, she could deal with them later. Now she had a job to do, and people she cared about to look after.

"Tony…"

She watched as he pushed his way through the people into the room, almost as if he were on auto pilot. She saw the lost lookon McGee's face as he realised that Gibbs was in there, and what that meant. She turned her attention back to Tony as he made his way unerringly through the burnt out room to a corner, watched as he stopped and then almost hesitantly knelt down next to something.

She couldn't see what Tony was reaching for so she watched his face closely and then she knew that he had found Gibbs. Part of her wanted to give her partner some privacy, but another wanted to protect him from having to see his partner like that. She was moving towards him when she saw the change that came over him. She reached him just as he called for a medic, at first she thought he was calling for himself, she knew that he hadn't been well lately, no matter how well he thought he'd covered it. But as she knelt beside him she realised that Tony had actually been calling for help for Gibbs.


	2. Ducky Arrives

Ducky arrived at the ship quickly, and for once without getting lost along the way, ok so they hadn't gotten lost because Ducky had already known the way and hadn't had to rely on Jimmy reading the maps.

When he had gotten the call that there had been an explosion he'd hadn't been able to get much information, apart from the fact that Gibbs and his team had already been at the location of the explosion. When he'd heard that he'd been filled with a sense of dread. He'd bundled Jimmy up quickly and had been on the road in record time. They had been halfway there when he'd gotten the next call telling him that the explosion had claimed at least one life and several more people had been injured. What had concerned him was the fact that it had been McGee who had placed the call. When he'd pushed for more information, wondering why it hadn't been Gibbs calling, and also wondering why McGee had sounded so shaken, he'd been shocked to hear that Gibbs had been caught in the explosion. McGee had been quick to inform him that Gibbs was alive, but he didn't know much more than that, but he could tell by how shaken McGee was that it must have been bad.

They had reached the ship in record time, and he'd been grateful that Ziva had been there to meet them. He knew that she needed some of the equipment that they had brought with them in the truck, but he'd wanted to find out a little more about what had happened. He needed to find out if they had any news on how Gibbs was, and how the rest of them were holding up.

He knew that they would all be hurting, in all of his years he had never come across a group of people who were closer. These people had become closer even than most families that he'd had the opportunity to observe. If one of them hurt then the others hurt as well, and he was proud to be a part of this amazing group of people, and took pride in the fact that they looked up to him like a father or grandfather figure. He'd watched them all grow and develop and had even guided some of them when he thought it was needed. He'd seen people come and go from Gibbs' team over the years, but over the past four years something extra special had grown. He'd watched as all these people who were so different from one another had come together and helped each other heal. But the relationship that he'd watched and helped nurture the most had been between Gibbs and Tony. He'd noticed early on that they were good for each other, and both were interested, but it had taken time, and a lot of encouragement, and a run in with the plague for them to finally get their act together. Some people thought it was a strange match, looking at their pasts and their personalities, but Ducky just laughed at them and watched as the two men had grown closer, and become stronger for being together. Past hurts were eased and their future had looked good.

Until now.

He clambered out of the truck and met Ziva at the back. They worked quickly and efficiently and were soon making their way to the body. He had asked how Gibbs was, and wasn't surprised when she had replied as if she was giving a report, he knew that she was dealing with things the only way that she knew how, and that was to fall back into work and the formality of what they did. They had spoken about it a few times since she had joined them at NCIS, he knew how other people saw it, how they reacted to her, he knew that her emotions ran deep, and that those she called friend were close to her heard, but her upbringing and her background had taught her well that showing emotions, showing any sign of weakness could mean her death or the death of those she cared about.

He was worried about all of them, and because he'd been worried he hadn't thought before he'd spoken. When he said that he'd ask Tony or McGee about where they had taken Gibbs he'd seen the hurt that had spread across her face. He'd said it so casually, almost distracted, which if he was being honest he was, he hadn't meant to speak aloud, had meant it to be more a mental note. He knew as soon as he'd spoken that he'd hurt her, and even if most people wouldn't have even realised that she'd been hurt, he knew that his moment of distraction had cost her dearly.

But this had come at a bad time. Not that any other time would have been any better, but still. He had tried to apologise to her, but she had shut him down. So he had made a note to try and talk to her later, to explain, to make sure that she knew that he hadn't meant to hurt her and that he was still there for her if and when she needed him.

He'd been unable to get anything more from Ziva, and so he had pounced on McGee when he appeared with an order for Ziva from Tony. Ziva had taken the opportunity to leave and rushed to complete the task that Tony had asked of her.

"Is there any news?" He knew that Jimmy was eagerly hanging out for the answer as well.

McGee shook his head. "Only that the Director and Abby are both there, and the doctors are still working on him."

"I see…"

McGee had looked around the blackened room again and shuddered as he remembered the scene early when the medics had arrived.

"It's a miracle the he survived the blast." McGee whispered.

Ducky nodded, "Yes, but this is Leroy Jethro Gibbs that we are talking about, and he has some very good reasons to keep fighting. He won't give up easily."

McGee sighed and rubbed his eyes as the image of Gibbs laying burned and broken on the floor, of Tony kneeling next to him, looking so lost for a moment. A moment that has seemed to stretch to infinity until Tony had found a pulse, and then just like that Tony had been back with them, staying close to Gibbs and giving them orders, taking control again.

"How are you holding up my lad?" Ducky asked after watching the younger man for a moment, he knew that he was reliving earlier events.

McGee shrugged.

"One step at a time, ya know. The Director offered to get another team on this, but we all agreed that we needed to do this."

Ducky nodded. He knew that they would want to be with Gibbs, especially Tony, but he also knew them well enough to know that they would need to know how and why this had happened, and to know that they caught the people responsible. He reached over and gently squeezed McGee's should in support.

"If you need anything, anything at all you know where to find me."

McGee looked Ducky in the eye before sharing a shaky smile.

"How is Tony holding up?"

McGee winced, he had hoped that he had avoided that question.

"It's rough, especially when he thought Gibbs was…" he still couldn't say that out loud, when he saw Ducky nod in understanding he continued. "Once he realised that Gibbs was still alive he sort of snapped back. But not."

Ducky watched for a moment waiting for Tim to get his thoughts together. God this was going to be rough for all of them.

"He's being very official, serious." Tim shrugged. "I know that this is serious, trust me I know. But it's just not Tony."

It was Ducky's turn to sigh now. His concern s for Tony from the past few weeks, on top of the conversations he'd had with Gibbs and Abby, and now this, had alarm bells clanging in his head. He knew that he'd have to track down the young man at his first opportunity and see him for himself.

"If you see Anthony before I do, please let him know that I would like to see him before I head back to the office." 

McGee nodded and rushed out as he went about his job.


	3. Tony isn't feeling well

Tony closed his phone and allowed his emotions to surge through him breifly as Abby's words replayed themselves over again in his mind.

Gibbs was alive. Stable, but on the critical list.

But the worrying part was that they couldn't figure out why he hadn't woken up yet.

He desperately wanted to be by his bedside, talking to him, touching him, reassuring himself that Gibbs was still alive, still fighting. But he also knew that he had to stay strong, together, keep the rest of their team together so they could find out what had happened, why it had happened, and make sure that they stopped the bastards so that they couldn't do it to anyone else.

He'd told Abby that the evidence was on it's way back to her lab, and he'd known that she was torn with staying with Gibbs and helping find the people responsible. He knew how she felt, he felt the same. But she'd told him that she was on her way back, and that she'd given Gibbs a kiss for him. He hadn't been able to say anything, so he'd hung up and then rushed to the toilet that was attached to the office he was working out of and promptly emptied the meagre contents of his stomach into the bowl. He knew that Abby understood, they all did, even Jenny Sheppard and he was grateful for all of their support, but even so he felt the weight of responsibility to all of them.

He was still leaning against the toilet when he heard the office door open. He knew that only three people would do that. One of those people was fighting for his life at this moment so it wasn't Gibbs, Ziva was currently on her way back to the office with the evidence, he hadn't trusted anyone else with that task, and so that left one person. Ducky. He quickly flushed the toilet and stood up.

He'd hoped to hide the evidence of his being sick from the doctor, but the smell and the swaying from standing too quickly did nothing to help hide it from the ever watchful doctor.

"Oh Anthony my dear boy, this just won't do." Ducky moved to steady the younger man and guide him to a chair, before getting him a drink to wash the taste out of his mouth.

"I'm fine Ducky."

"I can see that my dear boy, and would this have anything to do with why you have been avoiding me for the past week? Or why Jethro has been so concerned about your health that he has asked me to check you out?" He watched as Tony seemed to shrink into himself and he knew that they had been right to be worried. "Oh my deary boy what are we going to do with you?"

"Really, I'm fine, it's probably just that stomach bug that's been going around the office."

Ducky placed his palm on Tony's forehead, checking for a fever that he suspected wouldn't be there, and that Gibbs had assured him hadn't been there either.

"And just how long have you had this 'bug'?"

Tony openly grimaced. He knew he'd been sprung, that he shouldn't have tried to put Gibbs off.

"Anthony, you know that you need to let either Dr. Pitt or myself know if your unwell, we need to know what's going on so that we can be ready. We just don't know how things like a cold will effect you after your run in with the Y-Pestis. You are to important to let something so small tak you from us. We're all worried about you. Especially Jethro."

"It's been a couple of weeks. Not all the time, sort of comes on suddenly, usually doesn't last to long." Tony said quietly, after all this time at NCIS, with his new family, he still found it hard to accept that these people cared about him and what happened to him. He'd spent most of his life not mattering to anyone, and now he was surrounded by people who cared, who often put him first, and he often felt overwhelmed by it.

Ducky filed that away with what Gibbs had also told him. "Anything else?"

Tony nodded, he knew that he had to tell Ducky the truth, that now was not the time to ignore how he'd been feeling.

"I've been getting tired easily and I've had a few headaches. I thought it might have been my eyes or something, but I got them tested and they are fine."

Ducky snorted. "Well now I could have told you that my dear boy. But I do believe that we need to figure out just what is going on with you."

Tony nodded, he felt a little relieved that he could stop hiding the fact that he hadn't been feeling well. At least that was one less thing that he had to worry about. Not that it was top of his list, not by a long shot. Top of that list at the moment was Gibbs, God he wanted to be at the hospital, as much as he hated them, he would have given just about anything to be able to be there at Gibbs' bedside at that moment.

"Do you want me to call Dr. Pitt for you?"

"No, can…can you run the tests?"

"All right. Why don't you come down and see me when you get back. Your just about finished here aren't you?"

"No, not until we solve this. Once that's done and I know Gibbs is going to be all right you can do all the tests you want."

"Anthony."

Tony stood, "I'm fine, like I said it comes and goes Ducky, and right now this case is more important."

Ducky sighed, stubbornness was a trait that Gibbs and Tony shared, one that was at times endearing and at others extremely exasperating.

"I feel fine now, honestly. It's waited this long, and has obviously almost run it's course, a couple of days isn't going to hurt any."

"Only if you promise to come to me if you feel any worse, or if you get anymore headaches." He waited until he got an acknowledgement. "And you answer any and all of my questions honestly, no avoiding the question, no half truths."


	4. Cleaning up

Tony stood in the lounge room and looked around. Looking for things that would stand out, while trying to hold himself together long enough to finish what he was doing.

He'd gone to see Gibbs a couple of times, each one broken his heart. The first time was before his lover had woken up. He'd spoken to Jen, and had been reminded again of how lucky he and Gibbs were. He'd been afraid to come out to their friends and colleagues, but Gibbs had reassured him that it would be fine, even so he'd been nervous. He'd seen to many gay bashings and hate crimes in his time as both a cop and an agent. Sure there had been a couple of out spoken people, but once they realised that the brass had no objections or problems with their relationship, and saw how close their team was the rumblings had died down. He'd been surprised by Jenny's reaction, he knew that she still had feelings for Gibbs, had seen the way that she looked at Gibbs when she thought that no one was watching, but she had simply taken him aside and explained that they had had a relationship, but it was in the past, that they hadn't worked as a couple. But she could see that Jethro was happier now than she could remember seeing him, and that that had been because of Tony. She had told him that all she wanted was for Jethro to be happy and if he found that happiness with Tony then so be it, she wouldn't stand in their way, and she had no intention of loosing either of them.

They'd spoken for a while, while he held Jethro's hand, he'd needed the contact to reassure himself that his lover was still alive, that this was real and not some nightmare. Jenny had listened to him when he needed a sounding board, gotten him a drink when a wave of nausea had hit him, then had hugged him before he left.

He was grateful that someone was staying with his lover, but he still wished that it could have been him. But they had a case to solve and he had a doctor to assure that he was all right, and that he was taking care of himself.

When Jenny had called him to let him know that Jethro had woken up he'd almost cried with relief, that was until she told him that he didn't remember any of them. No one from NCIS, in fact he couldn't remember anything about the past fifteen years. She said that there was more that he needed to know but she wasn't going to hell him over the phone. He'd been met by both Abby and Ducky in the hall outside Gibbs room, the looks of sympathy and sadness easy to see on both of their faces. Abby had clung to him, supporting him as Ducky brought him up to speed about Gibbs condition and the fact that Gibbs had had a wife and child that none of them had known about. That had hit him like a physical blow and he'd been lucky that Abby had been holding him so tightly.

It hurt him to think that Gibbs hadn't trusted him enough, loved him enough, to tell him about Shannon and Kelly. It actually hurt worse than knowing that he was a disappointment to his father. They had been together for just over a year now, and living together for close to six months, and still Gibbs hadn't told him about this major part of his life.

Ducky and Abby had tried to prepare him to see Gibbs, tried to prepare him for the probability that his lover wouldn't recognise him, but it hadn't worked. When he entered the room Gibbs had looked at him as if he were a total stranger, someone who he wouldn't even look at twice.

He knew that the doctors, Jenny, Ducky and Abby were hoping that seeing him, being able to talk to him would trigger more of his memories, but it hadn't worked. The only one of them that Gibbs had even the vaguest memory of had been Jenny. So Tony had retreated to where it was safe, behind his walls and barricades, and focused on the job, on being professional. He saw the concerned looks that the others had shared. He stayed for as long as he could, took comfort in the fact that Gibbs was alive and now awake. But he had already started preparing himself for the fall he could see coming even if no one else could see it yet.

He had lost Gibbs, and that was what had led him to where he was now, standing in the middle of the lounge room that he'd just finished cleaning. Once he'd shaken off Ducky he'd given jobs to both Ziva and McGee to keep them busy and the case going and he'd ducked out. He'd gone home to pack, it hadn't taken him long really, he'd only wanted to take the things that he thought might make Gibbs uncomfortable, which were glaringly not his own so that when he came home again he wouldn't feel like he was trespassing in his own home. He'd packed his clothes, toiletries, and a few other necessities, rearrange what was left so that it would be hard for anyone to even know that he'd been there. His CD's and DVD's had been easy to box up, but took a little extra time to cover up where they had been, his collection was rather extensive. Then he'd moved onto the photos that they had scattered around the house. This was the hardest job he'd done so far. There were photos of the two of them, happy, laughing, embracing, obviously in love, these he packed up carefully before placing them in a box. Next were the photos of the team, their family. He'd gone through all of them and taken any where it was obvious that there was something between him and Gibbs, but left a few that were just happy group moments that someone had caught.

It had only taken him three hours to clear their home of any and all traces of himself, he'd left nothing behind that couldn't be easily explained, and he'd made sure that everything in the house was exactly as Gibbs would expect them to be. And all the while he'd cried silently as his heart broke, but he knew that there was no other way to handle this. It had to be done.

He'd even remembered to remove the extra cup and bottle of single malt that Gibbs had kept in the basement, just for him. He remembered the night that Gibbs had offered him a drink of the whisky, he'd been down there doing a cross word puzzle while Gibbs had worked on his boat. He'd been so overwhelmed that Gibbs had gone to the trouble of buying the expensive drink, and the knowledge that he'd done it just for him had shocked him so much that it had taken him a few minutes before he'd been able to speak or even move. It was the first time that he realised that this thing between them might last, might actually be the real thing, that he might have actually found his place in the world. That what he shared with Gibbs had been something special, something that they had both wanted to work and not something that was merely convenient.

His phone rang as he took one final look around, checking one final time that there were no traces of him left, and then he answered the phone as he locked the front door behind him one final time.

"DiNozzo."

"Where are you? Everyone's looking for you."

"I'm on my way, who's looking for me and why McGee?"

"We think we might have a lead."

"Ok that's the why, now the who?"

"We still don't know."

Tony stopped by his car and wiped his face, god he was tired and the nausea was back again. He took a deep breath to help calm himself. He needed to be strong, needed to be the leader until they had Gibbs back, then he could take the time to fall apart. Until then the others came first, and that meant keeping calm and not snapping.

"Who's looking for me McGee?" 

The line was silent for a moment and Tony could picture McGee stopping what he'd been doing and gathering his thoughts again.

"Oh, um, Ziva and I just arrived aback at the office looking for you, oh and Ducky was here just now look for you as well, he wants to see you as soon as you get here, Abby called me about half an hour ago looking for you and the Director also wants you to call her."

Yep, that was everyone all right.

"I'll be there in thirty. Call Abs for me and tell her I'm fine, call Ducky and let him know I'll be down to see him when I can and I'll call Jen myself."

"Tony…"

Tony hung up before McGee could say anything more or ask him how he was, he could hear the concern in his voice but he wasn't ready to face that yet. Once he was inside his car he took another deep breath and dialled Jen's cell number, and waited for her to answer.

It didn't take long.

"Where the hell are you Tony?"

"I've been taking care of some business. Besides if you wanted me all you had to do was call my cell. It wasn't turned off."

Jen sighed and then resumed her pacing of the hallway, this waiting was killing her, she couldn't imagine what it had been doing to Tony. She'd been worried about him, he hadn't been looking well, she'd also noticed that both Gibbs and Ducky had been watching him more closely as well lately.

"Tony…" she stopped herself. She had learnt not to back Tony into corners, and she knew that if she pushed him now that would be how he'd feel. It wasn't what he'd said so much as the way he'd said it. She wished that there was more that she could do to help him, that he'd allow her and the others to do to help him. But she also knew that anything offered now would be forcefully rejected. For two such different men, Tony and Jethro were remarkably alike in some respects.

"Jethro has regained a little of his memory. Not much, just a few more snatches. Which is good, his doctor is pleased with this, but Ducky and I have been talking with them and we've agreed that maybe him seeing someone from around the time that he remembers may help trigger some more. I've tracked down Mike Franks, the guy who trained Jethro to be an agent. He's agreed to come and see if he can help."

"That's good, Ziva and McGee have something as well. I'll let you know more when I find out what it is."

And with that he hung up again.


	5. Fall out and thoughts

Tony sat back on his lounge and stared at the badge and gun that he still held in his hand. It was all that he had left. Gibbs had remembered, had stormed back into the office and MTAC to try and stop the disaster and had failed. They had been to late to stop it, the powers that be had ignored Gibbs and the other evidence that they had found and decided that letting those men die had been the lesser of the evils that they faced.

The fact that Gibbs had remembered and had known them all had lifted him for a while, until he had realised that while Gibbs had known them, he hadn't remembered them, hadn't remembered him. That had been made painfully clear when Gibbs had handed his gun and badge over to Tony and told him "you'll do" before he'd turned to Ducky and asked for a lift home.

Tony knew that the others had been stunned by the silence that had enveloped the room, he could feel the concern and sadness directed at him by Jen as she watched from the steps and he also knew without looking that she'd tried to talk Gibbs out of this. Then he felt the others turn to him, almost as one and he knew that he had to get out of there, had to leave and be alone as soon as he could. He closed his hands around Gibbs' gun and badge and closed his eyes briefly before he'd looked each of them in the eye and told them to go home and get some rest.

It had been Jen who'd told them all to take a couple of days, well four really, she'd said she didn't want them back at work before Monday.

He'd watched as each of them gathered their belongings, made an attempt at talking to him only to read his body language, which had screamed that he wanted to be left alone, then leave. Abby alone had been brave enough to ignore him and had gathered him up in a bear hug before McGee had ushered her out, but not before she'd made him promise to call her. Jen had stopped him and asked him where he was going, if he was going home. He'd told her that he was fine and that he had a place to stay. And he had seen the instant that she realised what he had been doing the previous day when he'd called her.

He looked around his apartment and the boxes that held the remainder of his life and felt himself break. He'd held it back for days, told everyone that he was fine, he knew that they hadn't believed him then or now as was shown by the calls that he'd received. Not that he'd answered any of them.

He felt himself shatter. The life that he'd built lay in tatters around his feet, he remembered the lessons that his father had pounded into him as a child come crashing back to him, lessons that he'd recently begun to question. But for the first time in many years he thought that his father might have actually been right.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the lounge. He'd learnt early not to let people in, to let them see the real him. It only led to loneliness and heartache. His father had also been right about him, he truly was worthless and he would never find the happiness that he longed for.

He'd just begun to think that maybe his father had been wrong, he'd found people who accepted him, that he had grown to care for and then slowly Gibbs had chipped away at his defences, had shown him that he was lovable. And for the first time that he could remember he'd been truly happy, had thought that what he had had with Gibbs would last a lifetime, that he'd found his fairy tail. And he'd started to relax, had started to make plans for the future, for the first time he had had something to look forward to.

He should have known better.

His cell started ringing again. He looked at the caller ID and saw that this time it was Ducky. He ignored it, as he had done with the others. He needed time to rebuild his defences, time to build his strength up so that he could be the leader that they needed him to be, and it was not something that he was looking forward to, especially not while he was hurting so much and feeling so sick.

His phone fell silent and a sad smile crossed his face, but before he could do any more it started ringing again. He let it ring out another three times before he gave in and answered.

"What can I do for you Ducky?"

"Oh thank heavens! I was starting to worry about you my dear boy, thought I might have to get Abby and young Timothy to try and track you down."

"Ducky!" Tony said cutting him off before he could start on some story. "What did you want?" 

Ducky rubbed his face as he gathered himself. He'd just made sure that Gibbs had been settled in for the night so that he could check around the house. When he'd agreed to take his friend home he'd expected Tony to arrive soon after them. But he'd been shocked to see that several things appeared to be missing, he'd wanted to look around as soon as he'd noticed, but he hadn't been able to until he was sure that Gibbs had truly been asleep.

He'd received calls from each of the others, all wondering how both Gibbs and Tony were. As he'd fielded each call his concern had grown, and when he'd finished searching the house he'd called Jen to see if she knew anything, he needed to find the younger man. He prayed that Tony hadn't simply packed up and run.

He and Gibbs had had many long discussions over the past 5 or so years about Tony's track record. At first they had both been concerned about loosing such a good agent, then as they had gotten to know him better they had been concerned about him as a friend, part of their small family. Then when Gibbs had realised how he felt Ducky had been relieved, he had after all seen it coming, and felt that the chances of Tony leaving had lessoned as he now had something to stay for and he'd been able to relax. But now they were all on shaky ground and nothing was certain.

"Well you can start by telling me where you are, because I know damn well you are not at home, and neither are your belongings."

Tony sighed, contemplated not answering or lying about where he was, but then dismissed it knowing that if he didn't answer then Ducky would make good on his earlier threat about getting Abby and McGee to track him down, and that he didn't want or need at the moment.

"One of my tenants moved out a couple of weeks ago, the painters only finished a few days ago. I thought under the circumstances that it would be a good idea if I moved in instead of renting it out again."

"Oh Anthony, what am I going to do with you. I'm guessing that you also haven't eaten anything since I made you eat that sandwich this morning."

"I'm fine Ducky, really." Tony said as a wave of nausea hit him. Just the thought of food at the moment was enough to set him off.

"That will be for me to determine and is not up for discussion. I will be there shortly, with food and we'll talk about everything then."

"The door won't be locked." Tony said just before Ducky hung up on him. His stomach roiled again and he surged off of the lounge and barely made it to the bathroom before he started vomiting again.

Maybe it was time to let Ducky check him out, this just wasn't normal.


	6. Realisation

Ducky shuffled the bags around so that he could open the door in front of him, between the bags of food and his medical bag it was no easy task.

He eased into the apartment and the first thing that he noticed was the darkness, the only light was the light coming through the windows from the court yard.

"Oh my." He waited for his eyes to adjust before he moved further into the apartment. He placed the bags down on the dinner table and looked for a lamp, or Tony. He knew that the younger man was still here because his mustang was in the parking lot.

He found a lamp on a table by Tony's leather lounge, the one that had been put into storage when he'd put into storage when he'd moved in with Jethro. He turned it on and the soft light spilled through the apartment. The first thing to catch his attention was the gun and badge that lay on the lounge, a closer inspection showed him that they were Jethro's and a wave of sadness washed through him for what Tony had to be going through.

"Anthony, where are you?" Ducky called out as he continued his search, the doors to both of the bedrooms were open and showed no signs of Tony, except for the boxes that lay scattered around the apartment. That left one place, and one door that was partially closed. He moved towards the door and listened then knocked softly, not wanting to disturb the younger man if he was simply cleaning up, but needing to make sure that there was nothing wrong.

"Is everything all right in there Anthony?"

Tony was half kneeling, half laying, wrapped around the toilet. His stomach had stopped its revolt, finally. But only after he'd thrown up everything that he'd eaten for the past week, and then he'd spent what seemed like forever dry heaving, which had left him feeling weak and exhausted. He didn't think he'd felt this bad since he'd had the plague. He tried to answer but the best that he could get out was a low groan.

Ducky was about to push the door open when he heard Tony groan. He entered and was immediately stopped by both the sight of Tony huddled around the toilet and the strong smell of vomit. He quickly reached for a towel and wet it with cool water then knelt down next to Tony.

"It's all right my dear boy. Let's get you cleaned up a little and then get you to bed."

The feel of the cool towel on his neck was wonderful, he felt his grip on the toilet bowl ease as Ducky gently soothed him while checking him for any injury.

Ducky wished that Jethro were with him right now, because he had serious doubts that he'd be able to get Tony into bed without any help. The younger man was exhausted, and he suspected that the case, along with little food, no sleep and all the stress had crept up on him until he could go no further. And if he was right about the cause behind the nausea, headaches and tiredness then they were all going to be in for an interesting time.

"Sorry Ducky." Tony said as he tried to pull himself together. He wasn't used to being looked after, not by people who knew him, who weren't getting paid for it. Hell for most of his life most people wouldn't have cared or probably noticed if he had been dying, unless he was making a scene in public or he was messing up some party or function that his parents were holding. Tony struggled to stand up, and was glad that Ducky was there because the room chose that moment to start moving.

Ducky had moved to rinse the towel out, he'd only turned his back for a moment and when he turned back he saw Tony swaying as he tried to stand. He cursed himself as he reached to steady him.

"All right, let's get you to bed and then I'll see about giving you something to help settle your stomach a little."

With Ducky's help Tony was soon laying on his bed, curled up on his side. The room had stopped moving and his stomach had settled down again, but the exhaustion seemed to be there to stay, not that that was anything new lately.

"Thanks."

Ducky nodded as he sat on the edge of the bed. After his talks with Jethro and Abby and from what he'd seen himself there was little doubt in his mind as to what the problem was. But he was a doctor, and there were questions that had to be asked, and tests that had to be carried out to be sure.

"How long have you been nauseas, Anthony, the truth now, I need to know."

Tony covered his face, hoping that if he didn't look then this wasn't really happening, but he knew it was. He hated that anyone had seen him like that, but he also knew that Ducky had seen him looking a lot worse. He'd always hated doctors, would do just about anything to not have to see them, and hospitals, well if there were any way around it he would find it. But since joining NCIS Ducky had become the only doctor that he would somewhat willingly see or let treat him. Ok so it had taken a while and a few threats from Gibbs before he'd gotten with the program and gone to see Ducky for any medical problems that he hadn't been able to hide.

But this was different. Everything had changed. He didn't want to be another burden on his friend, he already had his mother to care for, Gerald as well, and now Jethro loosing his memory. He didn't need the extra burden of him, he just needed to take better care of himself, at least until everyone was stronger, then he could leave and fall apart. But this wasn't the time, and it wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Tony, look at me, please." Ducky had been watching waiting and what he saw was worrying him. He could literally see Tony withdrawing from them, building up his barriers again, rallying himself until he felt it was time for him to leave. And Ducky knew that he couldn't allow that to happen. His family had lost too much already to simply watch another willing leave, to run. And he was right about Tony's 'problem' then the young man would need his family now more than ever.

"I have an idea about why you are feeling so sick, but to be sure I need you to answer my questions."

"A couple of weeks, maybe three."

"Oh Anthony, you should have come and seen me sooner. Especially with your medical history."

"MOST of the time I felt fine. I thought it would pass."

Ducky shook his head. "Any other symptoms you want to share?"

Tony looked at Ducky blankly. Other symptoms? He hadn't thought much about it, just thought it was something he'd eaten or the stress they'd all been under lately.

"All right, lets try this another way." Ducky said as he saw the confusion run through Tony. "Have you been unusually tired? Frequent trips to the bathroom? Dark spots or discolouration when you pee? Find some smells a little overwhelming? Headaches? What about your breasts? Have they been a little tender recently?"

Tony lost a little more colour as he answered yes to each question. He saw where this was leading and it scared the crap out of him.

"No. It's not possible. I see where your going with this and you can't be right Ducky! There is no way, we were always so careful!"

"Were you taking any kind of birth control?"

Tony shook his head as it started to sink in. "But we always used a condom. Always."

"Condoms are good but not always effective. I'm sure your doctors would have explained the need for birth control when they found you had the gene for male pregnancy Tony."

Tony slumped back onto his bed. "It was never an issue before Gibbs and I got together. I was never attracted to other men. But we were careful. I don't remember any broken condoms. I'd remember something like that. Oh god, this can't be happening."

Ducky saw the terror spread through Tony and felt helpless. He was one of the few people who knew about Tony's child hood, most people never suspected that Tony's life was anything but charmed. Jethro, Abby and he had had suspicions about Tony's past, but it hadn't been until he'd had a forced hospital stay, about six months after he'd joined NCIS that he had let them in on some of his secrets, and about his dislike for hospitals.

"Why don't you try and get some sleep. We'll get the tests started when you wake up, and then we'll discuss what to do, what your options are."

Tony wanted to argue, but he was tired, and felt himself start to drift off as he listened to Ducky's soothing voice. The only other person who could do that to him had been Gibbs, and now that was lost to him.

* * *

Ducky was puttering around in Tony's kitchen, gathering some food for the younger man to eat. He'd noticed that Tony had lost some weight because of the constant nausea and he was concerned. He'd checked on Tony, who was still fast asleep, before he'd called his home to check in with the nurses, just to see how his mother's night had been. He decided that it was time to wake Tony and make him eat something and then get some blood so that Abby could run the test for him, just to confirm it, thought he had no doubts what so ever that one Anthony Michael DiNozzo was pregnant.

He was about to collect the tray of food when his cell started ringing. He glanced at the caller ID before he answered, and had a sinking feeling.

"Good morning Abby."

"Oh Ducky, please tell me that he's with you."

"Abby, slow down. If you are asking about Anthony, then yes I'm with him."

"No no no no no, not Tony, though that is also a relief." Abby babbled on, she couldn't help it, couldn't stop herself. Whenever she was scared or worried she seemed to develop a severe case of verbal diarrhea, and she was both worried and scared at the moment.

She'd gone over to check on her friends, worried about them because it was Gibbs first night home and for Tony because she knew he hadn't been feeling well, then all this added stress couldn't have been helping, and she'd just known that Gibbs didn't have all his memories back yet. But when she'd arrived at the house it was too still. Tony's car hadn't been parked in it's usual spot, but she'd let herself in. The house had been still, quiet, and at first she'd thought that they had simply woken early and gone to the shops to get some food. But then she'd started looking around and had noticed that things were missing. She'd made herself wait before calling Ducky, but the longer she'd waited the more frantic she'd become.

This just wasn't right.

"Abby, slow down. You're not making any sense." Ducky tried to get her attention, he knew that she planned on checking on Gibbs and Tony this morning, and was quite probably at the house at this moment, but he hadn't heard her this worked up since she'd thought Tony was going to jail for murder. She'd alternated from hyper active babbling to eerily still and way to quiet during that time, and even Gibbs had had trouble getting her back on track. "Who are you looking for?"

There was a silence, as though she was waiting for him to put it together himself, but when it became clear that he wasn't about to she answered.

"Gibbs Ducky! Gibbs is gone! I thought that he and Tony had just gone out to get some food, but then I noticed that stuff was missing."

"Ah yes, young Anthony's belongings. I noticed that…"

"Not just Tony's Ducky." Abby cut him off. Now that she at least knew that Tony was with Ducky she could worry about Gibbs. "When I saw stuff missing I thought I'd look around a little, I think Gibbs is gone! There's a heap of photos missing and he's taken all his favourite clothes. But the thing that makes me think he's gone is the basement. I've NEVER seen it so clean. Nothing out of place, no dust and shavings, nothing. Please tell me he's there with you as well."

"Oh my!" Ducky sat down at the breakfast counter and looked over towards Tony's door. This was not good. "He's not here. I took Jethro home last night and stayed until I was satisfied that he was settled. I'd noticed myself, that young Anthony's belongings were missing so I set out to find him."

Abby sat on the sofa in Gibbs house and looked around the room. This place was like a second home to her. She'd always been close to Gibbs, he was like a second father to her, and she and Tony were also close, he was like the brother she'd always wanted, there were best friends. She'd been so happy for the two of them when she'd found out. She'd even helped Tony move into Gibbs' place, with a little help from McGee of course. But she'd spent a lot of time there just relaxing or talking. This room that had always been so warm and welcoming to her in the past suddenly felt cold and empty.

"I think we have a problem." She sighed.

"Actually my dear, I think we have several."


	7. Ziva worries

AN: For those who have been waiting for an update on this story I appologise...the story was going great then hit a bit of a snag and this part just didn't want to write itself like the rest of the story has. But on the positive side the next part of the story is clamering to get out!

As always thanks for the reviews everyone! And remember that reviews help me be creative :oD

* * *

Ziva sat back at her desk and looked around the bullpen as she waited for the results of her latest search to come back. It had been three weeks since Gibbs had left and she would never have guessed that one man leaving could have had such a profound impact on so many people. He was just one man. But that one man had been so much too so many people, even to her, which had surprised her.

But when Gibbs had left he'd taken something with him that they hadn't been able to recapture, something that had left a gaping whole in all of them. She had found it hard when she first arrived to find a way to fit in with this group of people, they were so different from what she was used to. The team had been had been close and they had been brought closer in their shared grief. But she had found her place, it had taken time, but it had been worth the effort.

But now sitting here, waiting for the results of her search and looking around their empty corner she let her mind wonder. Gibbs leaving had left a hole in the entire office, not just their team. But their team was who she worried about, they had become family to her, and that was something that she hadn't expected when she'd agreed to come to America and work with them. None of them smiled much anymore, the jokes and teasing that had been a constant even in the most serious situations in the past were gone, replaced with the quiet determination to just get through the day.

Abby who had always been bubbly and loud with music pumping through her lab had become quiet and secretive. She had pictures of Gibbs on all of her screens in the lab, which she only switched off when Tony was there. Ziva had often snuck into the lab without Abby noticing her, and had listened as Abby talked to the pictures as if he were there.

Most people wouldn't have notice much of a change in Ducky, unless you knew him well or spent a large amount of time in autopsy, in which case you tended to notice that the stories Ducky tended to tell were fewer and shorter.

McGee had suddenly had more responsibility placed on him and at first had been unsure that he was ready for that responsibility, but with some help and support from the rest of them he'd slowly become more confident. But he was still unsure of himself at times and then tended to through himself even further into his work, Abby being one of the few people who could get him to ease up and relax.

Tony was the most changed, as they all expected. He took on the responsibility of leading the team, including their newest member, without complaint, but he was quieter. When she had first started with them Tony had been what most people would have called a golf ball. Gone was the playful easy going Tony that they knew and loved, and in his place was this new, quiet, serious Tony. Gone were the easy smiles, jokes and constant flirting, in fact since Gibbs had left them she could count the number of times she'd seen Tony smile on one hand, and still have most of her fingers free. There were some people who said that Tony wouldn't be able to handle the job, that the only way that he could get the job done was to pretend to be Gibbs. And she had to admit that at times when he was annoying her or she was missing Gibbs and the old Tony she would round on him and tell him to stop pretending to be someone he wasn't.

One of the most telling changes that she saw was when he'd had to move desks. His old desk had been full of photos and knick nacks. His new desk was now sparse, the only things besides the computers on or around his desk were two photos. One of the photos was a picture that she had taken of Tony and Gibbs, it was a great shot, they'd all gone to the 4th of July Picnic and had just finished eating their lunch. Gibbs had been leaning back against the tree they were sitting under and Tony sitting in front of him, just relaxing back against Gibbs. They had looked so relaxed, she'd taken the picture just after Gibbs had whispered something in Tony's ear and he'd turned to kiss him. The other photo was a group one that had been taken at the last Christmas party, and it was one of all of them. It had been a one in a million shot and she couldn't even remember why they had all been standing together at the time. Abby and McGee had been caught mid kiss, Tony and Gibbs were together, laughing at some private joke, and Ducky had been standing between Jen and her, when he'd seen the photographer he'd pulled them both closer in a friendly hug. It was one of her favourite photos, one that she had framed in her own home.

That hadn't been the only change that she'd noticed. Tony's daily routine had changed as well. He was always the first to arrive and the last to leave, not that he'd ever really been a couch before, but since Gibbs had left he was always there well before anyone else. But once everyone had arrived he would always head downstairs and check in with both Ducky and Abby, even when they weren't actively involved in a case. Sometimes the visits would be quick, other times he would be gone for up to an hour or more. Also during the day Abby and Ducky would frequently call him, just to chat for a few moments, or one of them would appear around lunch time with either food or an offer to go to lunch with him. At first she'd thought that they were just worried how he was coping without Gibbs, but the longer Gibbs was gone and this continued the more convinced she became that there was something wrong. That they were keeping tabs on him for some reason, maybe he was sick and didn't want them to know. She knew that the team was always concerned about Tony's health, always keeping a closer eye on him during winter, because of his crash with the Y-Pestis. So she'd taken some time while things were quiet to do some research into the disease, especially the long term effects and symptoms to look for in case of a relapse.

Even though Tony had been unwell a few weeks ago, his symptoms hadn't matched the ones for Y-Pestis, but still she hadn't been able to shake the feeling that something just wasn't right.

Then there was the unusual disappearances. Some times he would be called up to the Directors office and then disappear, other times he would be in the middle of something when he'd look at his watch and suddenly say that he had to go. But whatever was happening before he'd disappear one thing was always the same, if he hadn't told them where he was going they were not to disturb him. No phone calls. For any reason.

Of course she'd confronted him about his disappearances. Demanding to know what was going on, and when he had refused to tell her she had then gone on to play the guilt card with him, asking him what they should do if they needed him for something, if they had a break on the case they were working on. He'd simply looked at her and told her that even if they had a break in a case then they could take the time to back up the facts they'd found until he got back, or go and see Jen for help or advice. No matter how she approached him she could get nothing more out of him than that.

For someone she had always thought of as open and easy to read, Tony was now proving to be secretive and closed off from them. It was as if Tony had left with Gibbs, and they had been left with doppelganger. One that looked like their Tony, and moved like him, but acted, at times, as the total opposite of him.

She'd kept her worries to herself for a while, but once she'd exhausted herself trying to get information out of Tony himself she had decided to approach the others and see if they had noticed anything. But again she kept on coming up with nothing. Tim had simply looked up long enough to shrug and tell her that Tony would tell them what he wanted them to know when he was ready and not to worry about it. Jen had told her she didn't need to know what Tony was doing every minute of every day and to just let it drop. Abby had smiled and told her that Tony was all right, and that if he was acting differently it was just because he was missing Gibbs. She'd left speaking to Ducky till last because she knew that while Ducky talked to them all, he held their confidences to himself.

Ducky had sat sipping his cup of tea with her while she had told him of her concerns and fears about what was going on. She told him of all that she had seen and found out over the past few weeks and then asked him if he knew what was going on, if he knew what was wrong with Tony, if he knew what she could do to help him. Ducky had simply smiled and patted her hand and told her not to worry, that even if there was something wrong with Tony, with his friends around to help then there was nothing to worry about.

So there she sat, watching, waiting, looking for the clues that her friend didn't even realise he was leaving. She knew that there was something, but what that something was she didn't know, but she knew that whatever it was she would be there to help if she could, and if she couldn't then she'd do everything in her power to bring back the person who could.


	8. Gibbs returns

**AN: **Thanks go out to those who have reviewed this story! And another round of thanks go out to those patient enough to read this next part which has been a long time in coming...but now it's here and to hopefully help make up for the long delay in posting it is a longer chapter (I think), it just didn't seem to want to be cut anywhere sooner!

Just a note, when Tony is talking about doing research on the net and finding a site telling him about the morning sickness survival kit, that site does actually exist, and is part of an article that is also promoting a book. For more information about this go to read and review, the more reviews I get the faster I will be at writing the next part :o)

* * *

God he was tired, so tired, and this headache was killing him. But he couldn't take anything for it, and he still hadn't told anyone besides Abby and Ducky about his pregnancy so he couldn't take any time off without people asking questions, so that left him right where he was, sitting at his desk, which had been Gibbs' desk six short weeks ago, wishing that Gibbs were there with him to help and soothe his headache away with his talented hands. 

Six weeks since Gibbs had left, it had gone so quickly. With Gibbs gone Tony had taken up the slack as best he could, which meant he was working long hours and pushing himself further than he knew he should have, especially with the baby to think of, but until he was more certain that he wasn't going to loose it he wasn't going to tell anyone else. Male pregnancy was still incredibly risky for both father and child. When Ducky had told him that he was pregnant he'd done some research, he had needed to know more about male pregnancy. He'd been pleased when he found out that more male pregnancies were going to term, and that the greatest risk of miscarriage was during the first trimester, but the rate was still high, about one in three male pregnancies miscarried. Which meant that in another week, he'd be out of the danger zone as far as that was concerned, still at risk, but the risk was much less after the first trimester.

He unconsciously rested his left hand on his stomach, caressing it gently as his mind continued to drift, and throb. He still had trouble believing that he was pregnant, but then the morning sickness would hit or he'd feel so tired after doing so little that he'd be reminded. He'd fallen into a routine since Gibbs had left, coming in early to get a head start, waiting till his team had arrive, and didn't that feel strange in itself, his team, once he knew that they were safely at work he'd head down and check in with both Abby and Ducky to let them see that he was all right. They'd talk for a while, checking up on him then he'd head back upstairs and continue with their work.

Soon after Gibbs had left Jenny had approached him to do some undercover work, at first he'd been reluctant, but when she'd started digging for the reason that he had been hesitant he'd agreed. He hadn't wanted to tell her why he didn't want to, and so to keep his secret he'd had to agree to the extra work.

To be honest he had been glad that he had agreed to the undercover, it had been interesting and had helped him keep his mind off of missing Gibbs. The jobs had varied from baggage handler at an air port to high flying executive. But he was starting to realise that it was taking a tole on his already taxed body, and more to the point Abby and Ducky had also noticed. He knew that they were worried about him, about how he was handling Gibbs leaving, how he was handling leading the team and especially how he was handling being pregnant, and he was doing his best to reassure them that everything was all right, and that if something was wrong he would tell them. But some days, like today, it was all just that little bit harder.

He looked around the bullpen again and noticed that Ziva still hadn't arrived, and that wasn't like her, especially since Gibbs had left. He looked at his watch and noted that she was now over two hours late. He sighed, closed and rubbed his eyes, and reached for his phone to try and call her again. And again her phone went straight to voice mail.

He slammed the phone down and leant back in his seat. He was starting to worry about her, it just wasn't like her. The only good thing that had happened this morning was the fact that they hadn't gotten a case that they needed to work. He sighed and opened his eyes, wincing as the bright lights made his head throb. He knew that if he didn't go and see Abby and Ducky soon they'd start to worry and come and find him, so with that in mind he decided it was time to move.

"McGee," he smiled to himself as McGee jumped at the sound of his name. He may not have been Gibbs, which they all seemed to enjoy reminding him of, but he could still make people jump. "I need to you find Ziva, I'm going downstairs, tell her I want to see her as soon as she arrives."

"On it Boss," McGee barely looked up before getting back to work at his computer.

Tony grabbed his bag of goodies to restock his stashes that he kept in both Abby's lab and Ducky's office, he'd found a great website early on that had suggested that you create a morning sickness survival pack, and since then he'd lived by that advice, he'd made sure that he had easy access to a variety of snacks at any time of the day or night, which had helped him control his morning sickness and hide his pregnancy. Not that that would be possible for too much longer, he was definitely starting to show even with the baggier clothes that he'd been wearing lately. He also grabbed some change so that he could grab a coke on the way down, hoping that the added sugar might help his energy, nausea and headache a little.

Abby continued to pace her lab and looked at her watch again for about the tenth time in the past hour. She was worried, Tony had usually been down to see her long before now, or he'd at least called her to let her know he was held up and would be down later. She'd tried IM'ing McGee earlier but he'd told her he didn't have time to talk and then had ignored her.

She was considering hacking into the security system, just to make sure that he was here and that he was ok, when she heard the doors to her lab swish open.

"It's about damn time you showed your ass down here, I was just…." She broke off suddenly when she saw who stood in front of her.

"It's nice to see you to Abbs," Gibbs said with a grin.

She was stunned. It couldn't be Gibbs standing there in front of her, he wasn't here, he'd taken off and not even her and McGee's best efforts had been enough to track him down. But here he was, looking more relaxed and tanned than she could remember seeing him.

Gibbs stood there, not sure what kind of reception he'd get just showing up like this, but a stunned Abby hadn't even entered into consideration.

"Abbs?"

He took another step closer and reached out a hand to her before he was nearly knocked over by an over enthusiastic goth lab tech.

"Oh god Gibbs! You're back, you're really back! We've missed you so much! And it explains why Tony hasn't been down here yet! Oh god, I can't believe you're here!" Abby babbled as she enveloped him in a bear hug, she'd spent so long wishing for him to come back, dreaming that he'd come back, that now that he was here she didn't want to let him go. "Tony must have been over the moon when he saw you, you have no idea how much he's missed you you know, how much we've all missed you…"

"Abbs," Gibbs said trying to extract himself from her arms, he was glad that she was pleased to see him, but he had things to do, and this wasn't one of them. "Abby, I'm not back, I'm not staying."

"What?"

"I'm not staying Abbs, I've only come back because Ziva needs my help and then I'm leaving again."

"What?"

She couldn't help it, the words didn't make sense, how could he not stay, he was back, he was standing in front of her right now. He was here! How could he just leave again. Then more of what he'd said filtered into her brain.

"What do you mean your not staying, and what does Ziva have to do with any of this."

"Abbs," Gibbs took a calming breath. He loved her to death, but sometimes dealing with her took all of his patients and control. "Breathe, I need you to take a breath and slow down for a minute. I came here to see you because I need you to do your magic with this," he said holding up some evidence, "and I also need you to trace these two cell numbers for me."

"Ok, I can do that, but what does it have to do with Ziva?" she grabbed the evidence from him and headed over the table in the middle of the lab.

"She called me last night asking for my help."

Abby stopped and turned slowly, "Ziva knew where you were and didn't tell us? We haven't stopped looking for you since you left and she didn't tell us?"

There were few things that truly scared Gibbs, but an angry Abby was pretty much close to the top of the list, and angry didn't even come close to what she was at the moment. He knew that this would be a bad idea, but he truly needed her help, she was the best at what she did and if Ziva was going to get out of this situation alive she needed the best.

"Have you thought about any of us since you left? Do you even remember us? Or do we just not matter enough to even care about? Does Tony know that you're here? That apparently you've only been a call away all this time?"

With each question she asked she'd poked him in the chest and backed him up a step, the anger and the hurt almost flooded off of her in waves, and he'd known that they would have been hurt by him leaving, the way he left, but at the time he'd felt it was right. Even when as his memories returned and he remembered more about his life he'd stayed away, it had hurt him, but he still felt it for the best to stay away. With him gone then he couldn't be used to hurt the people he cared about any more, he'd thought that he'd spare them, that they'd deal with it and move on. But standing here, facing Abby, he was beginning to wonder if he'd been wrong.

"Of course I have, I've spent most of my time working on getting my memories back!" He needed her help, he needed her cooperation, and he needed her to try and understand. "I remember you, I remember Tony, I remember what you mean to me, how could I not, and no Tony doesn't know that I'm here, and I don't want him to. It's better that he doesn't know I was here until after I've gone."

"Better? How the hell could you think that?" Tony asked from the door. He'd arrived a few minutes ago, just in time to hear Gibbs asking Abby for her help. At first he'd stood back, to watch and listen. The sight of his lover had been enough to ease some of the tension that he'd been feeling, and his voice had helped to ease his headache a little as well, but he still felt like crap. But he'd felt as if his heart were being ripped out when he heard Gibbs say that he didn't want him to know that Gibbs had been back.

"Tony!" Gibbs and Abby said simultaneously.

"You've been gone for six weeks, did it not cross your mind that the people you left behind might be worried about you? You leave in the middle of the night without a word to anyone and you expect no one to give a damn, that I might give a damn? Well I'm sorry that we cared that you disappeared, I'm sorry that we tried to find you. I'm sorry that no matter what I do I'm not enough for you to stay."

Abby was shocked by the way that Tony looked, she'd been worried about him, knew that he'd been working to hard, pushing himself to far, but she knew why he felt he needed to, she understood his reasons. But this was too much. She had only seen him looking this bad once before, when he'd had the plague. She hurried over to him, he looked as if a strong breeze would knock him over, but she was more worried about how he was reacting to seeing Gibbs here. She knew it had to be a shock for him, she had been shocked after all. She wondered how long he'd been standing there without either of them answering, wondered what he'd heard. Obviously enough.

She reached out to touch his arm, to show her silent support and remind him that he wasn't alone here. She could feel the tension that was running through him in waves and the clamminess that was evident even through his shirt. Looking closer she could see the pain in his eyes, not just emotional pain, and she was torn at what to do next. She wanted to sooth him, try and ease his pain, but she also wanted to get him away, somewhere quiet where she could get him to tell her how he was feeling, tell her what else was wrong. But she also wanted to get Gibbs out of there, away from Tony, to continue their _discussion_ about why he was here and why he wasn't staying. She tried to move Tony towards one of her stools, never letting him go. She was almost afraid that if she did he would be gone.

Gibbs was also shocked at how Tony looked. He may have only been gone for six weeks but those weeks hadn't been kind to Tony, he was still piecing some of his memories together, he was still trying to get back a lot of his memories from the last month or so before the explosion. Some had come back, little things, gatherings, a case, but there were still gaps that he hadn't been able to fill. But looking at Tony know was jogging something, something that he thought was important, but just out of reach. It was so frustrating, it was part of why he'd left, he was supposed to be strong, he was supposed to be the one that they came to, but now he was the one that was broken, the one that needed fixing and he didn't want them to see that, didn't want them to see that weakness in him, he didn't want anyone to see that weakness in him, so he'd left and gone to stay with the one person who'd already seen him broken. At the time it had seemed to be the only course of action that he could take, but now he was wondering. He hadn't been lying to Abby when he'd told her that he had thought of them, as he had remembered more he spent more and more time thinking about them, trying to remember more, trying to get back all that he had lost.

He had meant it when he'd said that he wasn't going to stay, and that he didn't want Tony to know that he was back. He remembered Tony, and their relationship, how he'd felt when he and Tony had first gotten together, how scared he'd been nearly loosing him to the plague, being there while Tony had worked through some of the issues with his father, and loosing Kate. When he returned, if he returned, he wanted it to be with all of his memories in tact, to return to his lover as the person he had fallen in love with, not a shadow of the man. But with each memory that he had reclaimed he'd also found new frustration as he realised just how much he had lost and how much he still had to regain. But seeing Tony here and now was almost more than he could stand. He wanted to cross the room and hold Tony, to kiss him, to ease the pain he was in, to make sure that he was all right.

That was when it hit him, before the explosion he'd been worried about Tony for some reason, but the details of why he'd been worried wouldn't come. He felt an urge to hit something, not that that was that unusual these days, he'd never dealt well with frustration. He watched as Abby moved to Tony's side and subtly eased him towards a seat, a memory flashed through his mind of doing the same thing a number of times just before….He looked closer at Tony and could tell that he had a bad headache, and that he hadn't taken anything for it. He ached to move closer and try and soothe Tony's pain as he had in the past, but Tony's body language screamed that it wouldn't be welcomed at the moment, and even if he thought Tony would allow him Abby's body language threatened physical bodily harm if he moved much closer than he already had.

"Tony," Gibbs began, wishing that he could erase what he'd just said, or change it even slightly, "I didn't mean that like it sounded…"

"Oh, and how was it meant to sound? You know you're really living up to your name, Gibbs, second 'b' is for bastard!" Tony gasped, he was having trouble breathing now, his head felt as if it was about to explode and his stomach was not only feeling queezy but felt as if it was starting to cramp. "You know I never agreed with that, never really saw why everyone else was so fast to agree with it, until today. But then my father always said that I was a terrible judge of character, I guess he was right after all."

He felt Abby's hands on his arm, gently guiding him somewhere, but he didn't care where. He was face to face, almost, with Gibbs, he'd been dreaming of this for the past six weeks, hoping for it, but the reality wasn't at all what he'd hoped. He wasn't sure what hurt more, the fact that Gibbs had disappeared on him in the first place, or that he had come back with no intention of seeing him. He felt himself start to shake, but wasn't sure what was causing it, was it the anger, the frustration or the pain that was rapidly becoming too much to bear. Then his vision started to blur, with black dots appearing before his eyes, then everything started to fade. His last thought before the darkness took him was panic for his baby.

Abby watched in horror as she guided Tony to a chair, something was defiantly wrong, more than what was being said. He lost more colour with each word that he spoke, the pain was clearly visible in his eyes and he was starting to have trouble breathing.

Then everything seemed to happen at once, McGee entered the lab and was shocked to see Gibbs standing there, Gibbs was moving slowly closer as if approaching something dangerous, and Tony started shaking, then he collapsed. She tried to catch him as he fell, but he was so much bigger than her and too heavy for her to hold up, the best that she could do was to ease him down and make sure that he didn't do more damage as he hit the floor.

"Oh god!" Abby gasped as she gently cradled Tony. Then she noticed movement. She swung towards Gibbs and almost growled at him, "You stay away from him, you've done enough!" Then turned to McGee, taking charge, but with her panic still clear in her voice and on her face. " Call Ducky, tell him what's happened."

Gibbs stopped again, torn between wanting to help and self preservation. He remembered now, he'd been worried about Tony's health, had been for a few weeks, but Tony had kept putting him off telling him that it was nothing, or it was just a bug that was going around the office and that he'd be fine in a few days. But this wasn't fine, this was far from fine, and he needed to be closer to Tony, needed to help him. Being so close to him and not being able to touch him, help him, was almost like a physical pain to him, but he'd seen Abby like this before and he knew better than to get in her way, she may have been smaller than him, and she may not have had the training that he'd had but she was more than capable of hurting him at the moment, and he knew it.

Gibbs watched helplessly as McGee moved swiftly to one of the phones in Abby's lab and quickly called Ducky, telling him the little that he knew. He knew that the younger man wanted to asked him questions, about what he was doing there and why Abby was acting like this, but he said nothing and instead moved over to help Abby with Tony.

Ducky had been cleaning up the morgue after finishing up their latest autopsy when Jimmy had answered the phone. He'd looked shocked before quickly handing the phone over to Ducky. He'd listened patiently as a somewhat rattled Tim had quickly told him about Tony. He'd hung up after assuring him that he was on his way, and had then gathered his medical bag and asked Jimmy to grab the portable oxygen tank and follow him. They had hurried up to Abby's lab, taking the stair not wanting to wait for the elevator to arrive. The first thing he saw was Gibbs standing uncertainly in the middle of the lab looking from the door to the corner where Abby and McGee were taking care of an unconscious Tony. He spared a look at Gibbs before turning his attention to where he was needed.

"Mr Palmer, if you wouldn't mind setting the oxygen up for me," Ducky said first noticing that Tony was having trouble, "How long has he been having trouble breathing?"

"Not long, um, he started having trouble just before he collapsed."

Abby had moved back to allow Ducky room to work, she couldn't stop the tears that had come and was glad that McGee was by her side, holding her and offering her some comfort, all thought of Gibbs gone as she watch Ducky work.

Ducky nodded, "Mr Palmer, I need you to call for an ambulance, tell them that we will be heading to Bethesda and give them directions to our loading bay, then I need you to contact Drs. Pitt and Andrews at Bethesda and let them know that we will be bringing Tony in, and that I will contact them while we are on route to let them know more."

Ducky continued to work as he Jimmy moved away to make the calls.

"He's not…" Abby couldn't bring herself to voice the question that she needed to ask, fresh tears made their way down her face as she watched Tony just lying there, so still and quiet. It just wasn't right.

Ducky shook his head, he knew what she was asking, "I don't think so, but whatever this is we need to get him to the hospital."

"He's not what?" Gibbs spoke up, he knew that something important had just been asked and answered but he had no idea what, but he also knew that whatever it was had been important.

"What do you care? Why are you still here?" Abby screamed at Gibbs. She knew that Jimmy and Ducky were looking at her as if she had lost her mind, and that McGee was a little confused, but she also knew that he must have heard the argument before he'd entered her lab, if not the words that were spoken then at least the feeling behind them

"Abby…"

"NO! This is YOUR fault, you stay away from him, you've done enough already! Just go do what you came to do and then go!"

"Abby please," Gibbs pleaded, he needed her help, but he also needed to find out what was wrong with Tony, he knew that even once he'd helped Ziva out of her troubles he wasn't going back to Mexico, he knew that he'd been wrong to go in the first place. He was needed here, he had people who cared about him here, people who he cared about. He had known deep down even before he'd left that he should have stayed. But know all he could do was pray, pray that Tony was all right, and pray that he could fix this, pray that the people he cared about could forgive him enough to let him try and fix this. But as he looked around he had doubts that this prayer, like most of his it seemed, would not be answered.

"Timothy, I need you to let the Director know what has happened and that we will be heading to Bethesda, you should also let Ziva know, she'll want to come as well. Then I need you to escort Gibbs out of here."

McGee nodded, hugged Abby once more then moved off to contact Jenny.

"Ducky, please, what's going on?" Gibbs pleaded.

"No, I think you should go now," Ducky said, it didn't take a genius to figure out at least part of what had happened here, "please don't make me call security to have you removed."

"I think I'll go meet the ambulance if you don't need me Dr. Mallard."

Ducky turned to Jimmy and gave him a reassuring smile. "Yes that will be fine."

"Boss," McGee moved to escort Gibbs out.

Gibbs had never felt so torn before, he needed to stay to find out what had happened, to make sure that Tony would be all right, but he could see that staying would not be wise. He scrubbed his face with his hands and felt suddenly tired.

"All right, but please let me know how he is."

Ducky looked away from him and Abby stayed where she was, fuming.

No one spoke as Gibbs left quietly, followed by McGee, who was making sure that he did leave, but who also refused to speak to him.

His team had closed ranks around Tony, and they had shut him out. And it was all his own fault.


	9. The hospital

Ducky looked at his watch again, they'd been waiting for over an hour and a half now, with no word. He knew that Tony's doctors would come and talk to him an Abby as soon as they could, but this was frustrating. He'd never been good at waiting, of waiting and not being able to do anything. He'd let Abby travel in the ambulance with Tony, knowing that he was in good hands, and Jimmy had driven him to the hospital while he spoke with Tony's doctors. Abby hadn't stopped pacing since they'd arrived, only stopping when the doors opened or when she got a call.

Jimmy appeared in front of him bearing drinks for all of them, a cup of tea for him, a caff-pow for Abby and a hot chocolate for himself.

"No news I take it then?" Jimmy asked as he handed out the drinks.

"No my dear boy, no news yet."

"What can be taking so long, this can't be good Ducky, if he was all right they'd have told us already!" Abby paced agitatedly around the small waiting room. "Maybe they forgot that we are here, maybe one of us should go back to the front desk and remind them that we are here!"

Ducky sighed, they'd been through this before, several times, but he knew that she was worried, he was worried, but he also knew that harassing the poor hospital staff would not get them answers any quicker.

He looked up as there was movement at the door, but sat back when he realised that it was Jenny along with McGee. Still no sign of Ziva then, he sighed again, another thing to worry about. He knew whatever the reason that Ziva had apparently gone missing was serious, otherwise Gibbs would not have been back.

"Any word?" Jenny asked looking from Abby to Ducky.

"Ducky, Abby?"

All conversation stopped as Dr. Pitt entered the small waiting room. He looked around the small group and again he was reminded how close this group of people were, but was also quick to notice that they were two members down, Gibbs he knew about but he'd thought that Ziva would have been there. He shrugged it off, if there was a reason that she wasn't there then he knew that it would be a good one.

He moved further into the room and greeted them all, then indicated that they should sit. When they were all seated, apart from Abby, he started.

"All right, Tony has given me permission to discuss his condition with you all."

"Is he ok, is the baby ok?" Abby asked, too impatient to wait for him to tell them the details, she needed the facts and she needed them now.

"Baby?" Jenny asked more than a little shocked. She looked around at the others and was glad to see that she wasn't the only one who hadn't known. "What baby?"

Dr Pitt held up his hand to get everyone attention again and shook his head, he should have known that Tony wouldn't have made this easy. On anyone it seemed.

"OK, first of all Tony will be all right, as will the baby." He gave them a moment for that to sink in and sat down so that he was facing them all. "For those of you who didn't know Tony is pregnant."

"Why didn't he tell us?" McGee asked.

"My dear boy I thought that would be obvious!" Ducky replied.

Dr Pitt took the opportunity to sit back and watch this amazing group of people interacting. It was a rare and unusual treat for him, one that he'd come to appreciate since he had first crossed paths with Tony.

"Obvious?" Jenny turned to Ducky. "Why is it obvious? This is important ! It's not something he should have kept hidden from us."

"He had his reasons." Abby defended.

"You knew? You knew and you didn't tell me?" McGee turned on Abby, "Why didn't you tell me, how could you keep this a secret?"

"That's enough." Ducky said quietly as he saw Jenny start to say something else.

It had always amazed Brad how much control Ducky had over all of them, control that they were apparently unaware of. It was obvious that they all looked up to the elderly doctor for more than just professional reasons.

"Stop and think about it for a moment. Think of everything that we have all been through in the past few months, everything that has happened. Now put yourself in young Tony's shoes for a moment. After everything that he's just lost, he's found out he's pregnant." He waited a beat as they each did just as he instructed. "Now we all know that male pregnancies are dangerous for both the father and the child, only one in three pregnancies go to term, most men miscarry within the first trimester. After Gibbs leaving us the way that he did, the last thing young Tony wanted was for all of you to get excited about a baby that he might not even be able to carry to term. A baby that was a part of him and a part of Gibbs. Now tell me why you think it was so wrong of him to keep this from you until he was ready, until he was sure that he wasn't going to loose the baby."

Brad looked around the quiet room and was again amazed at this group of people. At the strength of each of them, and the depth of feeling that they each held for each other.

"I'm sorry Brad, please continue." Ducky said once he was sure that the others were ready to listen without judgement.

"Ok, as I said, Tony will be all right, he collapsed due to a combination of things, any of which on their own would have been cause to worry, but together were simply to much for his body to cope with at the moment. I know you have both been worried about him working to hard recently," Brad said to Ducky and Abby, "and you were right too. He hasn't been getting enough rest, his stress levels are through the roof, as is his blood pressure, the morning sickness which he's still suffering from has made him a little dehydrated and to top all of that off he was suffering from the early stages of a migraine."

"So what happens now?" Jenny asked having finally gotten her head around the fact that Tony was pregnant.

"We'll be keeping him in for three or four days, just so that we can keep an eye on him and the baby, then if nothing else happens we'll release him, but he'll be on medical leave for a week. I'd prefer if it was two or more, but I know what Tony's like so I'll settle for a week, barring no further complications."

"So he's going to be all right?" Abby asked, she needed to hear it again.

Brad nodded, "He's going to be all right, he just needs to take things a little easier."

McGee snorted, "This is Tony your talking about right?"

"Yeah well, he's going to need all of your help with that. This was a warning, and it's not something that we can ignore. Tony was lucky today, this could have been much more serious."

"Thank you Dr. Pitt." Jenny said quietly.

"Can we see him?" Ducky asked.

"Sure we've just transferred him to his room, 304, he may be a little drowsy from the medications that we've given him, but I'm sure he'd love a visit from you all, just try and let him get some rest."

"Thanks Brad!" Abby engulfed him in a hug before she scampered off towards the lifts that would take her to Tony's room.

Brad chuckled, he never knew what to expect from an encounter with Abby.

"Now go and see Tony, I'll catch up with you later Ducky."

* * *

He heard them well before they arrived in his room. Hospitals were never quiet, but there was something about the footsteps that were echoing down the corridor that told him his friends were on their way. Maybe it was the fact that there were so many all heading in the same direction, or the fact that he'd learned a long time ago to distinguish Abby's footsteps from others. Whatever it was he knew that he was about to be hit with Cyclone Abby, and he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face.

He took one more quick look at the picture from his ultrasound before he tucked it under his pillow. He knew that Brad would have told the others by now, but he wasn't ready to share the picture just yet. Maybe with Ducky and Abby later when they were alone, but not all of them, not yet. He'd been lucky today, very lucky. Brad had laid it out for him, and with what Brad had told him, and his own research he knew it, he could have lost his baby, or worse, he could have lost his own life.

He wasn't surprised when Abby was first through the door, he was surprised that she didn't immediately launch herself at his bed like she usually did. Instead she slowed down, giving the others time to catch up to her before she entered and then sat in the chair next to his bed.

"Abbs?"

"Hey Tony, how are you feeling?" McGee asked from the other side of the bed.

"Hey McGee, I'm fine."

"No you're not Tony! If you were fine you wouldn't be here now!" Abby almost sobbed.

"It's all right Abby, Tony's fine and so is the baby, and now we're all going to make sure that they both stay that way." Jenny laid a comforting hand on Abby shoulder, and looked at Tony. For the first time she saw how tired he looked, and that it looked as if he had also lost a little weight. This was partly her fault, and from now on she was going to do all that she could to make things right, to make sure that Tony looked after himself.

"I'm sorry Abbs, I didn't mean to scare you like that, honestly."

Abby launched herself at Tony, she'd never been able to stay mad at him or Gibbs for long, but for this she was willing to try and stay mad at Gibbs for as long as she could.

Tony cuddled Abby and yawned, he couldn't believe how tired he was, but at least the headache was down to a bearable dull roar. He would have been happy to just drift off to sleep, but there was something he needed to find out. Then he remembered what it was.

"Has anyone heard from Ziva yet?"

The room was quiet for a moment, no one wanting to answer Tony's question.

"Ah no, I spoke to Gibbs a little while ago, he's following up on something and said he was sending some stuff back to Abby's lab." McGee said when it was clear that no one else was going to say anything.

Tony sighed and rubbed his free hand over his face before he pulled Abby away from him so he could look her in the face.

"Abbs, I need you to go back to your lab and help Gibbs."

"But Tony…"

"No, listen Abbs, we need to find Ziva and Gibbs needs our help to help her. Please, for me?"

Abby sighed and hugged him before getting off the bed. She wanted to stay, but knew that he would worry till they found Ziva.

"Ok."

"You to McGee, help Abbs."

McGee nodded.

"Thanks guys." Tony said around another yawn.

The door opened and Jimmy stuck his head in.

"Ah, sorry to interrupt, but we need to get back to headquarters Dr. Mallard, there's a body on it's way, apparently it has something to do with Ziva."

"Ziva?" Tony asked trying to get out of his bed.

"Oh no you don't my dear boy. You are staying right here and doing exactly what you are told. And at the moment you need to get some sleep. We'll take care of this." Ducky said stepping up to Tony's bed and easing him back down onto his bed.

"But…"

"No Tony, Ducky's right, your staying here your health comes first from now on." Jenny said.

"I'm sorry Tony," Jimmy stuttered. " It's not Ziva, it's an unidentified male."


	10. Gibbs Finds Out

AN: Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, and sorry for the long delay between parts, RL has been busy. This chapter is for all of you who have taken the time to send me a review and made my day by all the compliments you send. I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations. :oD

* * *

She stood staring out the window of Tony's hospital room as her mind wandered over the events of the past few months, and today's revelations. She couldn't believe that she had been so blind to what had been in front of her. How could she have missed something so important, she had been a damn good investigator, had had one of the best teachers, and yet when it had mattered most she had been oblivious.

Ok so Gibbs had always said that Tony was one of the best undercover operatives that he'd ever seen, and she'd seen it for herself, but even so.

Looking back she could see the signs, they had been there but she'd been so caught up in herself that she'd ignored them and had simply added to his load. Even when Ziva had come to her with her worries about Tony, she'd simply brushed her off and continued burying her head in the sand. She had to admit to herself now that she was hurting because of Gibbs leaving, and to stop herself dealing with his leaving and her feelings she'd buried herself in her work and her hunt for the Frog.

Yes she still had feelings for one Leroy Jethro Gibbs, second 'b' for bastard. What they had had together in Paris had been intense, and every lover that she'd had since him had been compared and found wantingly lacking. But their time had long since past and it had been her fault. When she'd come back as the director, she'd secretly hoped that she would be able to rekindle what they had shared, but he had told her that it wouldn't happen, and then she'd found out why.

It had hurt. Badly.

At first she had taken her feelings out on Tony, but it hadn't lasted long. She'd been able to see how happy Tony made Gibbs, and in the end that was too important to her. So she'd found herself running interference for them, not that there was even too much of that, they were both well respected.

She smiled as she remembered Ziva's visit. She'd been shocked to discover that Tony was pregnant, but once the shock had warn off she was excited, and had spent a while stirring Tony up about being a father. Ziva had stayed for a while after Tony had fallen asleep again and then Jenny had had the chance to speak to Ziva had for a while. Ziva had told her everything that she knew had happened that day, and they'd spoken about Gibbs for a while as well.

But she had sent Ziva home to get some sleep, and now she found herself alone with a sleeping Tony and her thoughts.

She had much to do and plan, but she kept coming back to what both Ziva and Abby had told her about Gibbs not staying. It had taken her over two hours to calm Abby down enough to get the full story from her about what had happened in her lab, and she'd made a mental note to herself to make sure she never got on her bad side, she was almost scarier than Gibbs when she was pissed off at someone.

She knew that she couldn't let him go again, not without a fight. She knew she had to find a way to make him stay, Tony needed him more now than ever, even if he wouldn't admit it to anyone.

She was drawn out of her thoughts by a sound at the door, and the sight that greeted her was almost enough to make her smile. Gibbs was standing just inside the doorway looking over at the bed where Tony was sleeping. The look on his face was so tender, she wished that he'd look at her that way, but again, she knew that her time with him had long since past. She could also see the worry on his face as he took in the machines that were around Tony's bed, monitoring both him and the baby.

Even in sleep Tony had been restless and had kept waking up, but at the moment he looked to be at peace curled up on his side, one hand resting gently on his stomach and the other curled around the ultrasound picture and tucked under the pillow.

Jenny had been thrilled when he'd shown it to her first, knew that he hadn't shown anyone else yet, wanting to keep it to himself for just a little while. He'd also shown Abby later and she'd squealed happily and hugged him and then told him that she wanted a copy of the pictures for a scrap book she was making for him and the baby.

That had been them most relaxed Jenny could remember seeing Tony since before Gibbs had left and again she had wondered how she had missed that something had been so wrong with Tony.

But now as she watched Gibbs looking at Tony she wondered if her job might have just become that little bit easier.

"Jethro."

Gibbs looked at her briefly before turning his attention back to Tony. "What's wrong with him?"

He'd spoken so quietly that she almost hadn't heard him.

She moved from her position by the window back towards the bed as Tony stirred for the first time in an hour. She'd hoped that he'd rest peacefully for while longer. If he was having this much trouble getting some decent sleep with the drugs the doctors had him on then she wondered if he'd been sleeping at all on his own.

She was about to reach out to Tony but Gibbs had moved before she was close enough and she saw that Tony relaxed immediately at the feel of his lovers hand gently stroking his hair. To her it seemed like such a natural move for both of them, one that had been repeated often. Her resolve to not let Gibbs leave again hardened. There was no way in hell she was going to let him just walk out on them all again, on Tony especially.

Gibbs had barely taken his eyes off of Tony since he'd entered the room. He hadn't expected anyone to be there, it was well after visiting hours after all. He'd left it so long because he hadn't wanted to run into anyone. Especially not Abby or Ducky, he had a feeling that if he had seen either of them he would have been thrown out. He had to admit to himself that if he had to run into anyone here he was relieved that it was Jenny.

He hadn't been ready to see Tony laying there surrounded by all the medical equipment. He was never ready for that. But he was relieved that whatever was wrong didn't seem to be too serious. He saw Tony start to stir and reached out to sooth him. He knew that Tony rarely slept easily or well, but he'd learnt early on in their relationship that Tony tended to rest a lot easier whenever he was there by his side. A gentle touch or a whispered word were usually enough to keep the nightmares and dreams at bay.

The simple touch was again enough to quiet Tony's sleep, but it also had a calming effect on himself that he hadn't anticipated. For the first time since he'd woken up in the hospital he felt calm, at peace and more importantly, whole. He'd known that something was missing, and the brief touch he'd shared with Tony when he'd handed over his badge and gun had been almost electric and had haunted his dreams. But this was so much more. This was an affirmation, this was where he was meant to be.

He looked around the equipment as he waited for Jen to answer him. Taking it all in for the first time. When his attention was caught by a monitor.

"He's going to be fine Jethro." She spoke quietly so she wouldn't wake Tony. "Dr. Pitt said it was a combination of things, they're going to keep him in for a couple of days, just to keep an eye on him."

She watched him as he looked over the monitors that were beside Tony's bed, and noticed that his attention was held by the one that was monitoring both Tony's and the baby's heart rates.

"So Abby and Ziva were telling me that you aren't staying." She watched his face carefully and saw a flicker of something cross his face. "Can I ask why?"

"I had my reasons." Gibbs said, he tore his eyes away from the monitors. He needed some answers. "What's wrong with Tony, why all the monitors Jen?"

"Oh no you don't Jethro, you don't disappear in the middle of the night without a word to anyone and then simply say I had my reasons. And it's not up to me to tell you what is wrong with Tony. He deserves the opportunity to decide if he even wants you to know."

"But you know don't you Jen." Gibbs stared her in the eye. He waited for her nod before pointing to the monitors. "That's Tony's heart beat, and that's another one, a baby's? Is Tony pregnant?"

She knew she shouldn't have been surprised that he'd worked it out. But she couldn't help herself. She found herself nodding and glancing at Tony as he stirred again.

"How long have you known? Why didn't Ziva tell me?"

"Calm down Jethro," she moved around the bed so that she could reach out to him, Tony needed to sleep and he wasn't going to be able to do that if Jethro was getting so worked up where Tony could hear him. "The only people who knew before today were Abby and Ducky. The rest of us only found out today when Dr. Pitt told us what was wrong with Tony."

Gibbs laughed.

"I find that hard to believe, she was able to find me but she didn't know that Tony was pregnant? Do you really expect me to believe that none of you knew?"

"Jethro!" She knew that this wasn't helping anyone. "Ziva didn't know, she only found out a couple of hours ago, and I made her promise that she wouldn't tell you."

Gibbs shook his head.

"Look I know that her loyalty lies with you, and that she'd do just about anything for you, but this isn't just about you. As for her not knowing, she knew that there was something, as did you before your amnesia, but she didn't know what and he wouldn't tell her. That was why she called you instead of going to Tony for help. You have no idea how hard it's been for him without you there Jethro. You have no right to be angry at him. He's had so much to deal with since you ended up in hospital Jethro, and he's shoulder it all and more without a word. He's stepped up to the plate and lead your team, kept them together after you left, taken their frustration and teasing without a word. Your leaving left a hole in not just your team, but the whole building, and Tony stepped up to fill that whole, and he did a damn fine job at it. Even when everyone kept comparing him to you, reminding him that he wasn't you and that you weren't there. He did you proud Jethro, don't you ever doubt it."

Gibbs was quiet for a moment as he took in what Jenny had just said. He felt his heart clench again as he realised just how hard it must have been for his lover. He wanted to go to Tony and crawl into bed with him and just hold him, but the knowledge of how much he'd hurt Tony was also there. And he hadn't just hurt him the once, he'd done it repeatedly. He wished to god that he had all of his memories, but he didn't, but there was something stirring at the edge of his memory, playing with him, telling him that fixing things with Tony was not going to be easy. But seeing Tony, touching him was so right, he knew that he had to fight for him, had to make it up to him and maybe, just maybe be with Tony again as his whole body and soul was screaming out for him to be.

"Tony is good at what he does, really good. That was part of the reason you hired him in the first place. And part of what he is really good at is undercover work Jethro. He's good at hiding in plain sight, even from those who love him. Do you really think that any of us would have known his secret without him wanting us to? When you left, Tony stepped up and took control, made sure that everyone else was ok, and we all let him down. While he was taking care of all of us, we forgot to look out for him. Apart from Abby and Ducky that is, but he never once complained or asked for someone else to do a job, never turned down any work that was thrown at him. He played his part well Jethro, to well, the only people who saw through his mask were Ducky and Abby. So now it's time for all of us to put him first."

Gibbs sank down onto a chair that was next to Tony's bed and looked closely at his lover. He didn't think he'd seen Tony look this bad since he'd been recovering from the plague just over a year ago. He looked so tired and fragile. He looked over at the monitors that were tracking Tony's and the baby's heart beats.

"You have a plan."

She smiled. Trust him to get straight to the point.

"What do you need me to do?"

"You need to stay."

Gibbs simply nodded and reached out to take Tony's hand.

"You need to come back to NCIS."

"I can't just come back Jen, he's the leader now, I can't just take that away from him."

"Jethro, we all need you to come back," she said gently, "yes he's earned the team, but there is more to think about now. Besides he'll have to start taking it easier, another couple of months and he'll have to ride a desk if he doesn't take early paternity leave. The team need you, Tony needs you, to come back and lead them."

Gibbs sighed and nodded.

Jenny felt like she had just won a war. She had gotten Gibbs to agree to stay. She stood behind him and laid her hands on his shoulders. Giving him support and comfort. She knew that this was going to be difficult, but ultimately she knew that it would be the best for both of them.

"I'm going to leave you two alone, I need some sleep." Jenny said as she gave Gibbs shoulders one last squeeze. She moved to collect her bag and coat from the other side of the room and looked once more at Tony who had settled back down again now that Gibbs was holding his hand. For the first time in over a month things felt right. "Abby will probably be here early, she said she was going to check on Tony before she went to work, and I wouldn't be surprised if the others didn't show up as well."

Gibbs looked at her and gave a small smile, he knew that she was giving him a warning, and he appreciated it.


	11. Late Night Conversations

**AN:** Sorry about the wait, this chapter has been partly ready to go for a while but my plot and editing bunnies side tracked me on another couple of stories which are turning out to be kinda epic, add that to the holiday season and it's been a little busy over here. :o) So I hope that this was worth the wait and thanks for all your great reviews and your patients.

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He sat there watching, thinking, remembering.

Memories that he'd struggled to recapture while in Mexico threatened to overwhelm him as he sat in the cold uncomfortable chair next to Tony's bed. Small things flashed through him mind sometimes over powering bigger memories that he'd struggled with. Pieces of dreams he'd had that had left him gasping and clawing to recapture when he'd woken flooded through his mind with ease.

And through it all there was Tony.

When he'd thought that the memories were about become too much for him a memory of Tony would come back. Tony smiling or laughing, telling a story and suddenly things didn't seem so bad anymore.

Occasionally he'd be brought back to the present as Tony stirred but a few whispered words into his ear and a gentle touch and Tony would settle back down again and sleep peacefully for a while longer.

In the six weeks he'd been in Mexico he'd struggled, not just with his memories but with an antsy feeling that he couldn't get rid of. He'd found his memories coming back with no order or logic, just randomly.

Tony stirred again and groaned.

"nooo…" Tony almost cried somewhere between sleep and awake, "no, please no…"

"Shh Tony, it's all right, your safe." Gibbs stood up so that he could sooth Tony back to a peaceful sleep, but he realised that it wasn't going to happen as Tony became more and more agitated the dream taking control and refusing to release him. "It's ok Tony everything is going to be all right."

Tony was back in the office, waiting for Gibbs to come back and tell them what was going on. He was worried about his lover, he should have still been in the hospital resting, recuperating. But he'd discharged himself AMA and it had taken him only a second to realise that no matter what Gibbs had told them he wasn't all right, he didn't have all his memories and he didn't remember them. One look into Gibbs' pale blue eyes had been enough to tell him that Gibbs, his Gibbs, was still gone and he'd known that he'd been right to take the steps that he had. But he had stayed with the rest of his team and waited as Gibbs had gone up to MTAC and the final moments of their latest case played out. His world had been rocked again and he wasn't sure how much more of it he could handle. He wanted to go home and curl up in his bed with Gibbs and pretend that this had all been a nightmare, but it was real. It had happened. It was happening again. He knew that he was dreaming, knew that this had already happened, but he couldn't seem to wake up. This was part of the reason that he hadn't been sleeping much lately. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Gibbs leaving him again, and each time he saw it his heart broke again as if it was the first time.

Tony had known before Gibbs had finished walking down the stairs that he was leaving. Just like he knew what was going to happen next, each and every second had been burned into his memory. The last time that he'd seen Gibbs. The way that Gibbs had simply walked away from them.

From him.

The way that his heart had broken as he watched his world fall apart before his eyes.

But this time something seemed to be different, something wasn't right, wasn't as he remembered it.

He could hear Gibbs voice, so clear and warm and caring. But the words that Gibbs spoke were different. He could smell Gibbs clearly, the scent that he'd tried so hard to recapture once his lover had left. His voice was soft as if trying to sooth him, ease his pain. And he could feel his hands. Large and calloused and full of warmth and comfort that was only for those he loved.

But it wasn't right.

Gibbs was gone.

Gibbs had left.

He was alone again.

He hadn't been able to recall his lover this well for a couple of weeks, he'd spent the night crying when he'd realised that he was having trouble recalling the way Gibbs' hand felt gently touching him, caressing him, that his smell was fading from his clothes. It had been like he was loosing Gibbs all over again.

He tried to focus.

Tried to wake.

But it was hard, too hard. But he fought and concentrated. His head hurt and his stomach churned but that seemed to be normal lately. Then he remembered.

He'd seen Gibbs.

Gibbs had come back!

But he wasn't going to stay.

"No," Tony choked out.

His heart didn't break this time.

It shattered.

Gibbs had come back to them, but he wasn't staying. He should have known that it had been too good to be true. He was not meant to be happy, was only allowed to glimpse it before it was snatched away from him again. He was not meant to have someone to love, someone to love him. Everyone he cared about left him.

But something still wasn't right.

Slowly his foggy brain started putting it together. The sounds, the smell, the feel.

"Shh Tony, its okay." Gibbs stood next to Tony's bed gently caressing Tony's hand with one of his, the other gently carding through Tony's hair.

"Ro?"

"Yea Tony I'm here." Gibbs said softly. His heart broke at how lost and alone Tony sounded. He continued to sooth his lover, hoping that Tony would go back to sleep without really waking up. "You need to sleep."

Tony shook his head.

"It's going to be all right, just sleep Tony." Gibbs tried again. He could see that Tony was close to waking now, and as much as he wanted to see his lover again and really talk to him he didn't think that this was the right time or place for any of the conversations that they needed to have. He'd just wanted to be close to Tony for a while, to drink in the presence of the man lying in the hospital bed, to sort out the memories that had come flooding back to him.

"No."

Gibbs' heart broke as he heard the pain in the one word. To Gibbs it sounded like Tony's world had ended and Gibbs knew that he was the reason for all of that pain.

"You're not real." Tony said as he opened his eyes. He wanted Gibbs to be there, sitting, waiting patiently for him. But he wasn't sure he could trust himself. His senses told him that it was really Gibbs sitting there, but he also knew that he was in a hospital and he knew that the drugs they had him on could be screwing with him. It was easier to deny that it was really Gibbs sitting there than deal with the heartbreak that would follow when he woke up and found himself alone again. It was hard enough on any normal morning, but waking up after thinking that Gibbs was back would just about kill him.

"Oh Tony." Gibbs leaned over and gently caressed Tony's cheek. He had to work hard at not crying. His leaving had done so much damage, maybe more than he could hope to repair. "I'm real and I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Liar." Tony said softly. It was getting harder to keep his thoughts together, to stay awake.

"What?" Gibbs was confused. "Tony I wouldn't lie to you, I've never lied to you."

"You did, everyone does." Tony slowly closed his eyes.

"Tony?" Gibbs cursed. He had gone from hoping that Tony wouldn't wake up to wishing that he'd stay awake for a few minutes more. He needed to figure out what Tony was talking about. "What did I lie about?"

Tony fought against the drugs. Even if Gibbs wasn't really there he wanted it to last as long as it could.

"Tony." He caressed Tony's face again, this time trying to draw the younger mans attention back to him. "What did I lie about?"

Tony sighed.

Gibbs waited for a few moments, watching as Tony seemed to fall back asleep. He was about to sit down again when Tony softly answered him.

"Said you'd never leave." Tony whispered. "You lied, everyone leaves me."

Gibbs stood stunned as he watched a single tear slip from Tony's eye.

And he remembered.

They'd been talking late one night while Tony had been recovering from the plague. Gibbs had wanted to know why Tony never let anyone help him, never let anyone take care of him. It had taken him a while to get a truthful answer out of the younger man and he'd found himself unable to deny his feelings for Tony any longer. He'd promised Tony then and there that he wasn't going to go anywhere as long as he could help it.

Tony had been right.

Gibbs had lied to him, and that realisation tore his heart out.

Gibbs rarely let himself cry. He rarely cried, he could count the number of times he'd cried on his hands and still have fingers left. He'd cried when his mother had died, and when he'd lost Shannon and Kelly. Both times. And now he found himself crying over the hurt and pain that he had caused Tony.

"I'm sorry Tony." Gibbs said as he ran his hand through Tony's hair, trying to sooth him, take the pain from him, convince him that he wasn't alone. Trying to show so much with one simple act. He knew it wasn't enough, it would never be enough. The damage had been done and there was nothing that he could do to undo it.

"S'okay, should have known better." Tony whispered as he curled into small ball trying to protect himself but also trying to get closer to Gibbs.

Gibbs stood next to Tony's bed and cried. He'd thought he'd never love anyone again as much as he'd loved Shannon and Kelly.

He'd been wrong.

He'd thought he'd never find happiness again.

But he'd been wrong.

He'd vowed that he'd never hurt Tony, that he'd show him that he was worth fighting for, that he was worthy of being loved, that he wasn't going to leave Tony like everyone else that he'd ever cared about did.

He'd broken that vow.

He'd fucked up.

In a major way, and now he wasn't sure what he could do to make it better. He wasn't sure that there was anything that he could do that would make it better.

But one thing he did know was that he wasn't going to give up.

He wasn't going to leave Tony again.

He just hoped that time and persistence would work.


	12. Reality Hits

**AN: Sorry for the long delay but RL got a bit hectic with a few family problems...hopefully things have settled down again so this story (and others) should be getting back on track again. Thanks for the patients and all feed back is really appreciated so reviews are really really welcomed!**

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He stood staring at his reflection in the mirror

He stood staring at his reflection in the mirror. It had been three days since he'd been released from the hospital but this was the first chance he'd had to simply take stock of the changes his body was going through. He'd spent the day lazing around his apartment, watching movies and trying not to climb the walls to much and had finally decided to have a nice long hot shower. That had been fine, what had started of this bout of contemplation was the fact that he couldn't do up the button on his favourite jeans, the ones that were well worn and just a little loose. That was when it had really hit him. Never mind that for the past three months he'd been feeling exhausted, and continually battling morning sickness and his hormones had been running amuck, it took him not being able to button his favourite jeans to really drive it home that he was pregnant. That he was going to have a baby in just less than six months time. And that scared the shit out of him.

Ok so he'd had a couple of months to come to terms with the fact that he was pregnant. And any time he was able to push it to the back of his mind he'd be hit with a wave of nausea. Which brought him to another train of though, who the hell had termed it 'morning' sickness, because he sure as hell didn't get sick just in the mornings, try morning, noon and night and then add in any other time of the day and you were coming close to it.

And yes he'd been pushing himself too hard over the past couple of months, both before and after he knew he was pregnant but he had good reasons. Didn't he? I mean there was the whole terrorist thing, then the Gibbs getting blown up thing, then the Gibbs leaving thing. Someone had to step up and take charge, and everyone had looked to him, and hadn't that been a kick in the ass. Then he'd had to work twice as hard making sure that everyone was keeping it together and that the team still ran smoothly. Ok so maybe he hadn't taken as much time for himself as he should have and maybe he had been in a certain amount of denial about being pregnant, but who wouldn't be in his situation!

He'd never even thought about having kids, it had never even come up in casual conversation between him and Gibbs. Hell he hadn't even known that Gibbs had had a daughter until after he'd woken up with amnesia. But it shouldn't have surprised Tony as much as it had, after all Gibbs was a natural with kids, kids loved him. It was just the adults who had a problem with him.

But kids and Tony? Well that wasn't such a good combination.

Kids hated him.

With a passion.

How the hell was he going to do this? And alone?

Ok so he had Abby and Ducky to help him, but he couldn't expect them to be there all the time. They had their own lives. And even if by some miracle that this baby didn't come out hating him how the hell could he raise a child on his own? He'd screw it up worse than his parent had done to him, and they'd done one hell of a job at raising him!

He stood mesmerised by his reflection, standing straight on his bump was hardly noticeable, but as soon as he turned a little to the side you could see the bump quite clearly. There was no denying that Anthony Michael DiNozzo was indeed pregnant.

He felt himself crumple to the floor in front of his mirror as the enormity of that statement sank in.

He. Was. Pregnant.

He was going to have a baby.

And he was all alone.

He didn't know how long he'd sat there, tears streaming down his face. But he knew it must have been a while.

He was cold.

And the reason that he knew he was cold? Well that would be because he was now surrounded in one of Abby's all encompassing hugs that threatened to crush the life out of you if you weren't ready for it. But this one was full of warmth and comfort as her soft crooning eased its way into his head.

Abby had rushed out of her lab as soon as she could, she wanted to see Tony. She knew how bored he was, after all they'd already spoken a couple of times today on the phone when she hadn't been busy. Today had been slow so she'd decided to take off a little early, she'd rung and told the Director and Ducky and McGee where she was going, it was her night to check on him after all. After Tony collapsing in her lab she worried about him just that bit more than she had before. She knew how stressful male pregnancies were, and Tony just never did anything the easy way. So when the rest of the team had been let in on his "secret" they had gotten together and set out a roster of sorts to keep an eye on Tony. They took it in turns to go and visit him while he was at home, and there were usually several phone calls between any and all of them during the day. But they all agreed. Tony came first. They couldn't afford to loose him, even if he himself didn't realize just how much they all cared about him.

Abby chuckled to herself.

She and Tony had become friends quickly after Gibbs had ordered him to join NCIS. She could remember many late nights clubbing or relaxing at one of their apartments just talking. About Gibbs, about NCIS, about themselves and about life in general. It was rare that they fought about anything, disagreed and debated yes, but fought? Not so much.

But the one thing that could get Abby angry in under 30 seconds was the way that Tony thought he was expendable. Not worth the trouble. Hell if that was the case then there was no way in hell Gibbs would have fought so hard to get him to NCIS in the first place. Tony had no idea the lengths that Gibbs had gone to smooth the way for him. No one but she and Gibbs knew all that he'd done to make it happen. Tony was good at what he did, very good. Even if his track record didn't look so good on paper his superior officers had fought to keep him at each of his previous jobs. But it had been Tony who had ultimately taken the choice out of their hands. He'd thought that he was simply lucky with finding new jobs so easily, but it was more that his reputation preceded him all the way from his academy days. It was a well hidden fact that he had graduated top of his class and every one of his instructors had seen his potential, had made a note of it in his file even. But Tony just didn't see it in himself. Papa DiNozzo had done one hell of a job on his only child.

It had been one night, not long after he had joined NCIS, that Tony had confided that he didn't know why Gibbs had hired him. He'd heard what some of the other agents had been saying about him, that he was lazy and that they didn't understand how someone like him could land on Gibbs' team without any prior experience at NCIS. They had argued about it many times and had ended up agreeing to "talk" about it again.

The food that she had picked up on her way to Tony's now lay forgotten in the lounge room as she held onto her friend. Her heart had skipped several beat when she'd entered his apartment and he hadn't answered her calls. When she found him crumbled on the floor in front of his mirror crying. She'd gone to him and pulled him close to her. She knew that he didn't even realize that she was there with him at first. He sat there, shattered and broken and there was nothing more that she could do for him at the moment other than hold him.

It broke her heart to see her friend like this. But a part of her was just plain angry at Gibbs for breaking her friend like this. Even if it hadn't been his fault, she was still mad. Gibbs had just up and left. No word to anyone, as if none of them mattered. She had no idea how Tony had managed to stay so strong while Gibbs had been gone, she'd missed him so much had even gone so far as to build a shrine to him in her lab, which she had been quick to hide whenever she expected Tony to appear. And now that Gibbs appeared to be back? Well nothing had changed as far as she could see. Gibbs still wasn't here. Still hadn't talked to Tony. Well not that Tony had told her and she was sure that he would have.

She didn't know how long they had sat on the floor but she knew it had been a while. Her legs had gone numb and even she was starting to feel a little cool. Tony felt chilled to her. It was time to move.

"Tony we need to move, get you into your nice warm bed." Abby crooned into his ear. "Do you think you can help me?"

Tony shuddered and nodded before he pulled away.

"s'rry."

"Hey you have nothing to be sorry about," she scolded lightly as she hugged him just that little bit tighter. "You don't have to be strong all the time you know. I'm here for you, hell we're all here for you Tony. You just have to let us help you."

Tony shuddered.

"Oh Tony what am I going to do with you."

Tony shrugged and unsteadily got up to his feet and shuffled his way over to his bed with Abby's help. God how long had he been on the floor?

"Sorry Abbs." He felt so tired, so cold and tired. His bed felt so wonderful with the crisp cotton sheets and the fluffy feather comforter. He'd never been good at letting people in, he'd learned at far too young an age that if you let people in then they had the power to hurt you. So he'd learned to depend on himself, and unlearning that was something that he was still having trouble doing even after nearly six years at NCIS and working with Gibbs.

Hell he'd never loved anyone as much as he loved Gibbs. Had never been loved by anyone as much as he had been loved by Gibbs, and the rest of his new family. He just didn't know how to deal with that love, with that support. So in times of stress he tended to fall back on old behaviours, old patterns. The only person who'd even remotely had any chance of stopping him from doing that in the past had been Gibbs. But Gibbs had left, Gibbs was no longer here. And now he was so lost. He kept wanting to reach out for help from Abby and Ducky but had always felt himself retreating before he'd been able to ask for their help. Not that that had stopped them really.

"Oh Tony." Abby sighed as she pulled the comforter up around Tony's shoulders and lent down and kissed his forehead. "You don't have to apologize. This is what family does for one another."

Tony closed his eyes as he felt the tears start to overwhelm him again. Damn these hormones. With Abby here he could almost believe that everything was going to be all right. But then for everything to be all right he needed Gibbs here. And that was why he just shouldn't let people get to close.

They always left him.

He always ended up alone.

"You just rest for a while. I'm going go heat up the food I brought and give the Duckman a quick call."

Tony's eyes shot open at that.

"No! I'm fine, I'll be all right..."

"Uh!" Abby said as she raised a finger.

He wanted to protest more, but the tone of her voice, the look on her face and the raised finger spoke of dire consequences if he so much as thought of another protest. So instead he snuggled further down into his bed and waited. He knew that he'd be getting a visit from Ducky and probably a lecture about how he wasn't taking proper care of himself. Again.

And in some odd way it helped to warm him a little.

Maybe things weren't so bad.

And on the street Gibbs sat in his car, watching and waiting. As he had done every night since Tony had been released from the hospital.


	13. Waiting

**AN: Just a short one, but hopefully a good one :o) Read and review people! I live for reviews!**

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Gibbs sat in his car, watching Tony's apartment

Gibbs sat in his car, watching Tony's apartment. He'd been back at NCIS for nearly a week now. Not that Tony knew this yet. He hadn't announced that he was back to stay. And it had been hard. Harder than he'd realized that it was going to be. To put it mildly, his team was PISSED at him. And he couldn't blame them. They had all done their best to show him that they were annoyed with him. That they'd been hurt and that they were going to protect Tony. No matter what.

His lips twitched in an almost smirk.

He was the first to admit that his leaving had been wrong. But he couldn't help but feel proud of them the way that they had all become closer. Stronger.

Which was what had led him to be sitting in a dark car on a dark street watching the lights in an apartment. He'd arrived just before Abby, he'd been trying to psyche himself up to go and talk to him. But when Abby had arrived he'd felt a flash of annoyance or maybe it was jealousy. There was no way that he could go and talk to Tony while she was there, while any of them were there really. He'd had a hard enough time getting to see Tony while he was in the hospital. If it hadn't been for Jen then he doubted that he would have even managed that. As it was he had spent each night while Tony slept sitting silently by his bed, gently holding his hand.

He'd watch as Abby had bounced into Tony's building with a bag of what he assumed was take out and knew that he was in for a long night. Hopefully though this time she wouldn't stay late. Every night since Tony had been released from the hospital Gibbs had sat here, watching and waiting. And every night Tony had had a visitor.

But tonight something was different. He watched as Ducky pulled up and rushed towards Tony's apartment with his medical bag in his hand.

He was torn. He wanted to follow Ducky in and find out what was going on. But he wasn't sure how welcome he'd be. He still felt the sting from his last confrontation between Ducky, Abby, Tony and himself. He was in no hurry to have a repeat run on that one. Better that he tackle each of them one at a time. He'd already made a start. Jenny was on his side and had proved very helpful and supportive. Ziva had agreed to help him as long as he didn't hurt Tony again. But the others had proved harder to crack.

He looked at his watch.

7.23pm

His body ached to go to Tony. To make sure that he was all right. But he knew that if he turned up now he'd probably get the door slammed in his face.

So he sat.

He saw Ducky coming back out again. He looked tired. But calm.

He looked at his watch again.

9.08pm

He wanted to go and speak to his old friend. See how he was. Ask him about Tony. But knew he'd get nothing. He was after all in Ducky's bad books, not a place that anyone wanted to be. So he settled back and waited.

Maybe he could go up and see how Tony was after Abby left.

But the lights in Tony's apartment went out.

And Abby hadn't left.

Gibbs started to feel jealous.

Tony was his. He should be the one to stay with him, not Abby.

But still he didn't leave his car.

He settled back into his seat and waited.

Maybe she would leave soon.

Maybe she wasn't going to stay the night.

Maybe he should never have run to Mexico.


	14. McGee goes to Dinner

**AN: Sorry about the long delay between chapters but between RL and this chapter just not wanting to be written its taken me longer than I planned. Hopefully the wait has been well worth it! The good news is that though this chapter didn't want to be written the next chapter is mostly done and just needs a little extra work and some spit and polish and it'll be done!**

**So as always R&R...reviews make this author very very happy!**

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He was nervous, he knew it and he knew that nothing he could do would change that. It didn't matter how many times Abby had told him not to be nervous, that nothing bad was gonna happen, that Tony wasn't going to pull some prank on him, he was nervous.

Ok sure, he'd gone out to dinner with Tony before, but it had been with the whole team, and it had been out. Not at Tony's place, and not food that had been cooked by Tony.

Hey that was a good point.

Would Tony actually be the one cooking? Could Tony cook? He wasn't sure about that. After all he'd seen what Tony ate while they were working or when they went out. Could Tony actually cook or would he just have some take out or something.

He sighed and looked up at the apartments where Tony was living. He was a big boy. Going to a friends for dinner shouldn't be this scary. They would all be waiting for him upstairs. He was the last to arrive, but he'd planned it that way. He'd wanted to give both Abby and Ducky some time alone with Tony before he arrived so that they could make sure that Tony was up for this, that he was all right. He'd made Abby agree to call him and let him know if Tony wasn't up to this tonight. Hell he'd even spoken to Tony earlier and said that he wouldn't mind if they put it off.

He knew that Tony had scared Abby last night when she'd come by to visit him. She had only been going to drop in and check on Tony, maybe spend an hour or so with him before they were going to hook up for a late dinner and then back to his place. She'd actually sounded scared when she'd spoken to him last night on the phone, he'd offered to come over and help but she'd told him not to, that Ducky was on his way and she'd catch call him later to let him know how Tony was. She'd ended up spending the night at Tony's. Keeping an eye on him. He'd been relieved when Abby had called him back a couple of hours later and told him that Tony was all right, that he was just tired and that the nausea medication wasn't working like it should have been.

God, nothing ever seemed to come easy for Tony. He worried about his friend, not that he'd ever tell Tony that. He liked breathing and he wasn't about to do anything to jeopardise that any time soon.

Which brought him to why he was currently sitting in his car, procrastinating.

Okay this was stupid.

He ran a hand through his hair and then grabbed the bottles of non alcoholic wine that he'd decided to bring to have with dinner. He knew that Tony had stopped drinking alcohol when he'd found out he was pregnant. Not that he'd known why he'd stopped drinking at the time. He couldn't stop the giggle that escaped as he remembered the teasing he and Ziva had given Tony when they'd noticed that Tony wasn't drinking when they went out.

There had been so many clues to the fact that Tony was pregnant. He could see them so clearly now, but at the time they had all missed them. God he couldn't believe that they had all missed them, apart from Ducky and Abby that was. It had taken Tony collapsing in Abby's lab for them to know that something was happening. And how scary had that been? Tony who had survived the plague, who faced nut jobs and psychos on a nearly daily basis, who bounced back from everything that was thrown at him had collapsed in Abby's lab and had been rushed to Bethesda.

Shit.

He was here, at Tony's door.

Time to find out what this was about. Why Tony had been so instant about him being here tonight. And why weren't Ziva or Jimmy or the Director invited. Okay so he'd may have been a little uncomfortable if the Director was here tonight, but he couldn't deny that she and Tony were getting along well, that she had been really supportive and helpful since she'd found out. But still...

He heard laughter from behind the door as he raised his hand to knock.

"Hey McGee, glad you could make it." Tony greeted as he opened to door with a smile.

He was glad to see Tony looking so well, so normal.

"I uh...I brought some non alcoholic wine."

Tony's grin grew. "I told you you didn't have to bring anything. But thanks. Abbs and Ducky are in the living room, head on through. You want something to drink?"

"Ah sure, thanks." He didn't get very far before he greeted with an arm full of enthusiastic Goth. "Hey Abbs."

"It's about time you got here, Tony was starting to think that you weren't gonna come, but I told him that you were gonna be here. And here you are."

McGee laughed.

"How many caff-pows have you had today Abbs?"

"Just the usual." Abby pouted.

"Come and have a seat my dear boy. You should try the dip, it is rather delicious." Ducky greeted from where he sat.

"Thanks."

"So what's the news McGee, what interesting things have been happening while I've been gone?" Tony asked as he returned with a tray of drinks for everyone.

"Don't you dare Timmy, I've already told him that were not going to talk about work tonight. Naughty Tony." Abby stood in front of Tony with her hands on her hips. "You don't need to worry about what's going on at work, you need to rest and relax."

"Yes mum."

Ducky laughed and McGee found himself relaxing. This was normal, this was just Tony being Tony.

They sat and chatted for a while nibbling on the dip and other finger food that was there before they moved to the table for dinner. He was rather impressed with the food and the company. He'd half expected this to be a little awkward but he found himself enjoying himself, laughing and chatting and learning new things about both Ducky and Tony that he'd never expected to find out. It felt so normal.

The end of the meal came all too quickly and he found himself feeling a little disappointed.

That was until Tony had brought the coffee to the table.

"So I guess you've been wondering why I asked you here tonight." Tony said seriously.

"Um, well, yeah I guess I was kind of curious." McGee said he couldn't help the nervousness creeping back, whatever this was about was serious. He didn't need to be a genius to know that the atmosphere had changed in the last few moments.

"I wanted to ask you something. I don't expect you to answer me straight away and I'll understand if you don't want to do it."

"Um ok..." He took a sip of his coffee, not that he really wanted a drink he just wanted to do something.

"You know that male pregnancies are dangerous, and with my medical history it's even more dangerous. I know what the statistics say, and that's why I've been getting things organised. Kind of hoping for the best, planning for the worst."

"What do you mean? Is there something you haven't told us?" Ok so he was now past nervous and heading straight for worried and that was something that he was getting way too used to feeling lately.

Tony laughed.

"No my dear boy, Tony is perfectly healthy and getting the best care that anyone could wish for. I assure you that we are doing everything to make sure that he stays that way." Ducky said trying to ease the tension. He knew that this was going to be a difficult conversation, but it was one that Tony needed to have.

"Don't worry Tim, I'm not expecting anything to go wrong but I just need to know that everything is set up just in case." He stopped and closed his eyes briefly as he took a deep breath before going on. "I know you and Ziva have been wondering where I was going when I have been ducking out of work and there have been times when I couldn't be contacted, well some of those were because of doctors appointments and others were for appointments with my lawyers."

McGee felt her jaw drop. Tony had lawyers? What the hell?

"Ok, but what does that have to do with me?"

Tony's hand made its way to his stomach and he rubbed gently. He could feel the gentle swell, he was starting to show, not that you could tell unless you looked closely, but he still found it kind of amazing. He was pregnant.

"I wanted to ask you if you would consider becoming a guardian for my child if something were to happen to me."

Okay he was stunned. Of all the things that he had expected Tony to say, that was probably the last thing he would have ever expected. No not last, not even on his list if he was completely honest with himself.

"Um...ah..."

"Look I know that this is a huge thing to ask of you, but all I ask is that you think about it Tim. I've already asked Abby and she's agreed, but I haven't given my lawyers the go ahead yet because this is going to affect you as well. I know that you and Abby are tight, and by the way I am so happy for the two of you, and I know how big a thing this is, believe me I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself..."

"It's not that...it's just..." McGee said as he kick started his brain again. He could see how insecure Tony was about this and wasn't that a shock in itself, who knew that Tony could be insecure?

"What?" Ducky gently pushed.

"Um I would be honoured Tony, really. But surely there are other people, what about Gibbs or your family or Ducky? They'd be better than me?"

Tony sighed and leaned back in his seat.

"I have no family."

"Yes you do Tony, we're your family now!" Abby jumped out of her seat and enveloped Tony in a hug.

McGee was stunned.

Again.

And really was this becoming a habit or what? Ok so he knew that things between Tony and his family must have been a little distant, after all when Tony had been recovering from the plague no one from the DiNozzo family had turned up and any time he or Kate had mentioned contacting Tony's family to Gibbs, Abby or Ducky they'd all reacted strongly. But to say he had no family? Well he just couldn't understand what that must be like. He was tight with his family and wouldn't give that up for the world. He saw the hurt look that had flashed across Tony's face and for the first time he understood some things about Tony and the way he teased him, the way he protected him and stood up for him. Like a brother.

"Abby is right Anthony, you do have family. Family that cares about you a great deal." Ducky said also reaching across the table to lay a hand over the younger mans.

Tony sniffled and wiped away a tear.

"Yeah, I know." Tony said with a small smile. "I don't know how much you know about my history McGee, but the simple fact is that as far as my father is concerned I don't exist. He's the only 'family' that I have left, so no, no family that would take care of my baby if something happened to me. As for Ducky well he's agreed to a different role. I came from money, and there was nothing my father could do could take away the money and trust funds that my mother and other family members left me. Ducky has agreed to be the trustee of my estate. I couldn't expect you and Abby to have to worry about that as well, it would be too much."

McGee sat back and thought about all that Tony had revealed in the past few minutes. He'd learned more about his team mate in the past few minutes than he had in the two plus years that he had worked with Tony. He couldn't believe that he had missed these things before. Tony never talked about family. He always had designer clothes, and really who could afford to buy all the designer clothes that Tony had on just an agent's salary. God he'd been stupid.

But that still left one question.

"Ok so I get why you haven't asked your father, and I kind of understand why you haven't asked Ducky...just how much money do you have anyway?"

Abby snorted, she couldn't help it.

"Let's just say that our Tony doesn't have to work and be happy with that Timmy."

Ok McGee thought, that was an eye opener. He wondered why anyone would work if they didn't have to...but that was something to ponder, and pester Abby about, at a later date.

"What about Gibbs?"

There was silence.

He'd kind of expected it really. Gibbs was like that huge elephant that stood in the corner of a room that everyone tried to ignore but none could. He knew that Gibbs leaving had hurt Tony, and that his return hadn't been greeted with open arms. But surely even if Tony and Gibbs didn't work things out, and god he hoped that they did they were just too good together not to try and work things out, surely he'd want Gibbs to raise their child. And after all it looked like Gibbs was back to stay now, not that he'd made any announcements or anything, but he was still here and that had to count for something didn't it?

He held his breath as he waited for an answer, any answer, from any one. Really the silence was becoming uncomfortable. He was about to say something else, anything else when Tony quietly answered.

"He'll be given the choice, but I don't want him to agree to raise our baby out of some sense of duty or obligation. I need to know that whoever is looking after my baby is doing so because they want to and because they care about it. I know what it's like to grow up knowing that you're not really wanted, that you were a mistake and I don't want my child to ever know what that feels like."

"Oh."

What more could he say. He'd had no idea that Tony had felt that way, even after what Tony had told him about his father he still hadn't realised just how estranged they really were. He couldn't imagine growing up thinking that he had been a mistake, that he wasn't loved. But Tony had. My god, how had he turned out to be such a great guy?

He watched as Abby sat on Tony's lap, hugging him giving him comfort, trying to ease his pain. There had been times in the past when he'd been jealous of the way that Tony was with Abby, so close. Always sharing secrets and chatting, flirting. But he could see it now, he got it now. He got that as close as they were to each other it wasn't sexual. It never had been. Abby had been adamant when she'd told Tony that he had family, and now it was all so clear to him. Tony was the brother that she'd always wanted, and she was the sister that he wanted. He could hear Abby whispering something to Tony, but he couldn't hear what she was saying and he didn't care, it was between them. And that was fine with him. He understood now.

"Are you all right Timothy? This must seem like a lot to take in."

McGee shook his head to clear it.

"Huh, oh no, I'm fine. Really." He said at Ducky's disbelieving look. And it was true. He was fine. It was his friend who needed the support, the understanding, the help. And he knew that he would do whatever was needed.

"Like I said earlier, I understand if you say no. It's a lot to ask of anyone. But I have to be realistic, I know what the statistics are for male pregnancies and I just want to be prepared."

"It's ok Tony. I'll do it."

Abby squealed and jumped up from Tony's lap to hug him and McGee suddenly worried that she might strangle him with her excitement.

"See Tony I told you that Timmy would agree! Didn't I? I just knew it!"

"Abbs..." McGee wheezed out, really breathing was beginning to become an issue. He kind of wondered if this was what it was like for Tony when he had the plague.

"Abby maybe you should think about releasing young Timothy, he seems to be turning a little blue."

He heard Tony snicker at Ducky's comment but was grateful when Abby eased up enough so that he could breathe again.

"See Tony was all nervous about asking you, but I told him that you'd be fine with it, and even if you weren't that Ducky and I could handle it, but I just knew that you'd say yes."

"Thank you." Tony relaxed.

"I promise I'll do my best, but it's not going to be important anyway Tony. You've never paid attention to statistics before so why would you start now?"

Ducky burst out laughing. "To true my dear boy to true."

The rest of the evening was more relaxed, they chatted and finished off the wine that he'd brought with him and laughed. But it soon became obvious that Tony was tired so he decided to call it a night and let Tony get some rest. After all it was only a few more days until Tony was back at work and he was going to make sure that Tony didn't let things go again like he had when Gibbs had been gone.

He helped Abby clean up the dishes and the table before he'd hustled her out. He was taking her home with him tonight, and he was going to show her just how special he thought she was.

They wished Tony and Ducky good night and as they were leaving he could hear Ducky checking up on what Tony needed and how he was feeling. He smiled as he realised just how special his colleges were, how much they really were like family and just how much he cared for each and every one of them.


	15. Confrontations

**AN: Again sorry about the delay in posting the next chapter of this fic, but it just didn't want to cooperate and went through several (understatement) rewrites to get to a place that I was even willing to post it. So hopefully the wait is worth it!**

**As always reviews are highly anticipated and loved! So get reading and let me know what you think!**

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How the hell had he ended up down here on his own again?

He'd originally come down here to try and work on his boat to help ease his tension, but it hadn't worked. He'd needed to unwind, to think, to be away from people and working on his boat usually worked for all of those things.

But not today.

Not after this week.

He let his head fall back against the wall. God he didn't think that this week could get any worse. The only good thing to have happened all week was that Tony was back at work and he was able to see him and speak to him. Not that he'd had much of a chance to do either really. Three big cases in a week, not to mention the couple of smaller ones that had also passed across their desks, and they were all running a little ragged by the end of the week. None more so than Tony. And there had been nothing he could do about that in the end.

Don't get him wrong, he'd tried. Boy had he tried.

But every time he tried to talk to Tony or get him to rest or take it easy it blew up in his face.

Every. Single. Time.

He'd tried to get Tony to spend some time with Emily while they were working together with Tobias, but Emily hadn't wanted anything to do with Tony and he'd been reminded that kids and Tony tended not to mix well. Tony had hidden it well from the others how much that had affected him. But Gibbs knew Tony better than the others. Even if some of his memories were still a little patchy there were just some things that he knew. Tony had joked with the others, never when he thought that Gibbs was near, about himself and kids and how this kid would probably come out screaming at him as well. But Gibbs had heard some of the insecurity in his voice and saw the well hidden look of worry that he wasn't just joking.

He took another sip of his now cooling coffee.

God how long had he been sitting down here staring at his boat?

They'd solved the case, and moved on. Still he hadn't been able to get Tony alone to talk to him properly.

The same day that they had closed that case they'd gotten another. This case had brought his mentor back to Washington. When things had hotted up and Tony had started to look tired he had taken the opportunity that Franks needed protection to get Tony to take it a little easier. Hell that was supposed to be an easy assignment and one that would at least get Tony back in his home in familiar surroundings.

But things had gone wrong.

And really what was with that? Hell if there was trouble to be found then Tony seemed to attract it with an ease that was scary. How many times had he nearly lost Tony to some madman/woman since Gibbs had dragged him back to Washington from Baltimore?

Gibbs shuddered as he thought about that.

God he had come so close to losing Tony to many times since he'd met the younger man, and taken way too long to admit how he felt about him as well.

How the hell was he going to fix this?

God this was just so screwed.

And now Tony was pregnant and nursing yet another concussion.

He'd thought that his heart had stopped when he heard Tony grunt as he'd been hit. He'd broken just about every road rule and scared the crap out of McGee and Ziva as he'd sped to his house. He hadn't been able to figure out how they'd been able to find Mike, but he was damn sure that he'd make them pay for hurting Tony and taking Mike.

He hadn't felt so betrayed since he'd found his second ex in bed with his friend. Mike had played him. He'd barely been able to keep his temper in check when he'd faced Mike after they had killed the Russians. He remembered slamming Mike against the wall with one arm across his throat as he told his mentor that if he ever touched Tony again he would kill him.

He wondered how his life had gotten so screwed up and what the hell it was going to take to get it back on track again. How the hell he was going to get Tony back again, or even talking to his lover would be a good start.

He'd tried. He really had tried. But every time he thought he would get a chance someone would appear and either demand his attention or need Tony for something.

And he just knew that he could have handled telling his team that he was staying better than he had, but god damn it he was frustrated! The few times he'd gotten to talk to Tony he hadn't been able to really talk, sure they had talked about the cases that they were working on and Tony had answered most questions that Gibbs had asked him. But he could see that Tony's defences were well and truly up again, and he wasn't sure how he was going to get past them. It had taken him years to get fully past them the first time, and that was before he'd hurt Tony so badly.

He heard his front door open and close and someone walking across the floor above. It didn't take a genius to figure out who it was. Most of the people who would be brave enough to enter his home were too pissed at him at the moment to be coming around.

He wasn't surprised when he heard the door to the basement being flung open and Jen storming down the steps.

And storming was a very good description of her at the moment.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing mopping around down here Jethro? And what the hell was that stunt you pulled with the desks? I know you have a reputation as a bastard but was that really the only way you could let your team know that you were staying? Was that really the best way to tell _Tony_ that you were staying? Because I have to tell you, not your finest hour Jethro."

Gibbs took another sip of his now stone cold coffee and eyed her up considering how best to answer her. On the whole he wasn't really surprised that she was here, was more surprised that it had taken her this long really. But what the hell.

"Just where do you think I should be Jen?"

He watched as she stopped in front of him, hands on her hips and anger and frustration clearly written all over her face.

"I may have been mistaken but I was under the impression that Tony is in his apartment with yet another concussion, after only being back from sick leave for a week after collapsing from exhaustion and then pushing himself to his limits again with three major cases in a week. I would think that instead of hiding down here in your basement with your boat you'd be with your pregnant partner making sure that he is all right. But I must be mistaken because not even you would be enough of a bastard as to not care about that."

That was all it took.

He was standing and crowding her, anger at the whole situation swelling in him again.

"And just how the hell am I supposed to be able to do that Jen? The only time I've been able to get close to Tony was while he was in hospital. Ducky and Abby have made it abundantly clear that if I even try and get close to him they are going to hunt me down, and there is always someone with him. So just when and how am I supposed to 'be with him' as you so elegantly put it when I can't even get near him unless it's to talk about a case we are working on? Tell me that!"

"And just when have you let someone stop you from getting what you want Jethro? Or have you decided that Tony just isn't worth it after all? Too much work?"

"I would do anything to make sure that Tony is safe and happy Jen, so don't even go there. Have you even considered that he may not want me anymore? I left remember. I have tried to talk to him but he either closes down, runs or someone is there to make sure that Tony and I aren't alone. What the hell would you have me do?"

"How about fight for him."

Gibbs snorted.

"You don't understand Jen."

He was surprised when she stood up to him and shoved him back.

"What don't I understand Jethro?" Jenny's voice was ice cold now. "Is it that I don't understand how much you care about each other. Or is it that I don't understand just how far each of you would go to make sure that the other was all right. Or maybe I don't understand how watching you in a coma and then suffer from amnesia tore Tony apart. Or how maybe it's that the entire time that you were gone Tony kept looking for you, hoping that you would turn up. Or that he damn near killed himself making sure that the rest of your team survived you walking out on them. Or the fear that Tony lived with alone that he may lose the one last tie that he has to you, that he may lose the baby that only Ducky, Abby and he knew about. Because let me tell you now Jethro, I understand those things all too well. I know what it is like to love and loose you. I know what it is like to lose the last link with you. I watched Tony struggle every day while you were gone, not letting anyone know just how much he was hurting. And I know what that pain is like."

He was stunned. It had been a long time since he had heard her talk to him like this. Their relationship had always been stormy and he knew that he still had a few holes in his memory, but there were things that had just been revealed that he was sure that he hadn't known before.

"I've watched the two of you together Jethro. I've seen you both apart and I have to say if you let him slip away from you now you are a fool. If you think for even a second that Tony doesn't want you back then you are an idiot. I saw what he was like in hospital. I know that the only real rest that Tony got while he was there was the sleep he got when you were in the room with him. I've watched him this past week looking more worn as each day and I know he's not sleeping properly again."

She reached out to him and caressed his cheek gently. She knew that she had rocked him tonight, but she also knew that she had had to do it. If this didn't work then she was faced with loosing not one but two people. And she couldn't allow that to happen. These people were too special.

"He needs you Jethro, and you need him." She looked into his eyes making sure that she had his full attention. "Go to him Jethro. Talk to him. Beg him for forgiveness and don't leave until you talk to him. Neither of you can go on much longer like this. Your team needs you, your family needs you. Both of you."

He closed his eyes. She was right. He needed to sort this out. He needed to talk to Tony.

"You're right Jen. It's time I talked to Tony." He started up the stairs towards his front door then stopped and turned back with a lop sided grin on his face. "Just be ready to clean up the blood when I run into one of my team."

"Don't worry Jethro, I've already taken care of that. Tony's at home alone." A warm smile spread across her face. For the first time since she'd heard about Jethro being caught in the bomb blast she thought that things may actually work out. "Now go and get your man."

Without another word Gibbs raced out to his car and tore off down the street on his way to Tony's.

Tony lay back on his lounge and relaxed, letting the quiet soothe his headache. As much as he loved Abby and the others he was enjoying the fact that he was home alone for what felt like the first time in forever. But he knew it wouldn't last too long, he knew that as soon as Abby could get away she would be here checking on him, making sure that he was all right.

A warm feeling spread through him as he thought about that. Sure he'd thought of his team as family, but it was something else to realise that they felt the same about him. He'd never had family before and now he was surrounded.

But that didn't change the fact that the one person that he truly wanted to be there wasn't. And being constantly on guard, watching what he said, watching what Gibbs was doing, saying trying to determine what it was that Gibbs remembered or thought that he remembered was exhausting.

He groaned when he heard the knock on his door. He was thinking about not answering it when whoever it was knocked again. He knew it wasn't Abby, she would have just let herself in when he didn't answer. As would Ducky. And McGee would have been with Abby if he'd come back after being called back to the office to help her with whatever it was they'd been called back for. And Ziva wouldn't have bothered knocking at all.

He groaned as he levered himself off the couch, which caused his head to throb agonisingly again. Damn concussions. He shuffled his way towards the door. God he was tired. Then took a moment to check the peephole to see who it was, hopefully it was just his neighbour wanting to check up on him he would take a few moments to reassure her that he was fine and then shuffle her out again so that he could crawl into bed before the obligatory concussion checks started. He really really hated having a concussion.

"Oh god." He moaned as he thunked his head against the door, which he regretted immediately. He was tempted to pretend that he wasn't home or that he hadn't heard the knock, but he knew that even if Gibbs hadn't heard his curse he definitely had heard the thunk of his head connecting with the door.

He had no choice.

He had to answer the door.

"Come on DiNozzo I know your there, open the damn door already."

Tony sighed. Yep definitely knew that he was home. Time to suck it up, put his game face back on and get Gibbs out of there as soon as he could. He really wanted to sleep. He _really_ didn't want to have to face Gibbs right now.

"Gibbs, what are you doing here?"

Gibbs did a quick once over to Tony and didn't like what he saw. He could see how tired Tony was and the fact that he was in pain. And the defensiveness that he could read so easily. He wondered why he hadn't been able to see if earlier. Then shrugged it off.

"I was going to take you home but you were already gone." Gibbs said stressing the word home a little.

Tony sighed and lent against the door. Ok so this was just a check to make sure that his team was still in one piece type of thing. He could handle that. Wouldn't even really need to let Gibbs in so he wouldn't see all the still packed boxes around the place.

"Abby and McGee gave me a lift, Ducky didn't want me driving tonight. I'll be fine in the morning."

Gibbs knew that Tony was trying to get rid of him, trying to pretend that all was fine. But with the way that he was looking, and the fact that Tony hadn't picked up on what Gibbs had said, especially when Tony _always_ picked up what was being said showed Gibbs just how not right Tony was right now. How much of that was due to the exhaustion that Gibbs could see and how much was due to the concussion he didn't know. But one thing he did know was that he wasn't going anywhere tonight. Except into Tony's apartment where he could watch over him.

"That's not what I said Tony. Are you going to let me in or are you going to make me stand out here all night?"

Tony stood up and pulled himself back together and replayed the past few minutes trying to find what he'd missed. It was obviously something. He could see that from the look that Gibbs was giving him. God he hadn't seen that look since before Gibbs had fled to Mexico.

"Uh," he stalled, trying to decipher what it was that Gibbs was after, trying to decide how much he'd give away when Gibbs caught sight of his apartment. He really needed to unpack his stuff sometime soon. It was getting beyond a joke really. He felt a chuckle bubble through him but suppressed it and brought his wandering mind back to the topic at hand. And wasn't that proving to be harder than it should be. He stepped back and let Gibbs in.

Gibbs smiled inwardly. Finally a step forward. He'd half expected Tony to slam the door in his face. And really he did deserve it, after all hadn't he done the one thing that he'd said he never would? Hadn't he left Tony.

He entered the apartment quickly. Not wanting to give Tony the time to change his mind. The first thing that he noticed was that the lights were dimmed. That figured, the light probably hurt. The second thing that he noticed was that there were boxes scattered around the living room. He wondered briefly if Tony were getting ready to move or if he hadn't unpacked them from when he'd moved in here. The place was neat despite all of the boxes, but then it usually was.

"Look if your here to give me the lecture about how stupid and useless I am can we please skip it or at least postpone it until tomorrow." Tony said from the hallway. He still hoped that he could get Gibbs out as quickly as possible. Being this close to his lover hurt.

Gibbs froze.

"What the hell?"

"Look I know how stupid I was all right. I know that I shouldn't have been taken down like that. I know I should have been paying closer attention to my surroundings. So if that was why you wanted to see me we can skip the lecture tonight and you can go home and play with your boat."

"Tony...."

Tony sighed. "Look I'm fine, the medics said I was fine you heard them. Ducky said I was fine."

"Tony!"

Tony stopped and felt himself sway a little.

"God damn it Tony. I didn't come here to lecture you." Gibbs said as he reached Tony's side and steadied him. He felt a rush as he touched Tony, felt whole again. It was what he'd been missing since he'd woken up in that damn hospital room, it was what he'd briefly been able to recapture while Tony had been in hospital. "Will you sit down before you fall down? Please?"

Tony felt the world tilt.

Gibbs had just said please.

Gibbs never said please.

Ever.

He felt himself being guided over to his lounge. He could feel Gibbs hands on him, warm. Oh so warm. Oh so right. And god how he'd missed those hands. Missed Gibbs. It would be so easy to just lean forward and kiss him. Pretend that everything was all right, that Gibbs hadn't hurt him, hadn't left him. But he couldn't.

He couldn't let Gibbs get close again. He was better off alone. Especially since Gibbs didn't remember _them_. He couldn't let Gibbs get close to him again. Right?

But god it just felt so good being so close to him again.

And god he was tired.

"Hey Tony stay with me for a moment."

"Huh?"

"That's better." Gibbs said when Tony focused on him again. He worried that maybe the concussion was worse than they'd thought.

"Sorry just tired." He couldn't believe that he'd been day dreaming like that. Couldn't believe that he'd let himself wander like that while Gibbs was this close to him. Couldn't believe that he'd let his defences down even that little bit with Gibbs so close to him. He tried to stand but felt Gibbs hands on his thighs keeping him sitting where he was. "I'll be fine you don't need to worry about me Gibbs. You can go now I'm just going to go to bed."

"No."

"No?"

"No." Gibbs said. He knew that it was now or never. He had to talk, explain, beg if need be. But he wasn't going to leave. Not any time soon. Not ever if he got his way. "Tony I didn't come here to lecture you. I was worried. I know I've hurt you. I know that I should have talked to you instead of running like I did. I know that what you over heard in Abby's lab that day hurt you more than anything I've done or said in the past."

Tony snorted. Hurt? Hurt didn't even cover it. He tried to get up again, to put some distance between him and Gibbs, but the gentle pressure that Gibbs was placing on his thighs was enough to keep him seated. God he really was tired.

"And I'm sorry Tony."

Now Tony knew that he had to be dreaming. Gibbs _never_ apologised. He was always saying that apologies were a sign of weakness. In all the years that he had known Gibbs Tony had never once heard his lover, ex lover, say sorry to anyone.

Gibbs knew that he had shocked Tony with that one sentence. Could see it in his eyes, his posture and the fact that Tony hadn't decked him already.

"I'm sorry Tony."

"Who the hell are you?"

Gibbs laughed. The look on Tony's face was priceless. Shock, anger, hurt and disbelief warred on his lovers face, and Gibbs knew that he would do anything to get his lover to believe him, to give him another chance. And anything included talking.

"I never meant to hurt you Tony. I love you."

Tony struggled to stand up again, but still Gibbs gently restrained him

"Let me go I need to go to the hospital." Tony felt as if he was lost, this couldn't be real, this didn't make sense, nothing made sense. This couldn't be real. Gibbs _never_ apologised. Gibbs never willingly talked about how he felt. Gibbs never explained himself. Therefore this couldn't be real. His concussion must have been worse than the medics and doctors had thought. He needed to go back to the hospital and get checked out again. Oh god. If his concussion was worse than they thought was he already in hospital? Maybe he was in a coma or was he dying? Was this all just a dream he was having? Some kind of weird hallucination?

"Tony what's wrong?"

Gibbs' tone snapped Tony out of the panic that was starting to overwhelm him. The warm calloused hand on his cheek also helped. The concern that flooded Gibbs voice and the worry that he could see in the blue eyes that he knew so well hit him hard. And he felt tears fall down his face.

This was not a dream.

This was real.

Gibbs was here.

With him.

_Talking_ to him.

_Worried_ about him.

"Why are you here? Why now Gibbs? Why did you come back?"

Gibbs felt his heart stop as he listened to Tony's quiet questions as his tears flowed freely. He simply gathered his lover in his arms and let him cry, let him release all of the tension and worry and hurt that had been bottled up inside for the past two months. He wished that he could turn back time, to make sure that he never hurt Tony like this, or to take Tony's place. Anything to stop his lover from hurting this much. Sometimes life just wasn't fair.

"Shhhh Tony, it's going to be all right." He whispered over and over as he gently rocked Tony as he cried. He was surprised to feel tears on his own face, but smiled.

Maybe this was what they both needed.

He didn't know how long they sat on the lounge, crying. But for the first time in way to long he felt as if there was hope. That maybe they could work things out. That maybe Tony and he had a future. Being here, holding Tony in his arms felt so right. He felt the moment that the emotions and exhaustion combined to lull Tony into a hopefully healing sleep. But still he didn't move. He knew that they still had to talk, that he still had to answer Tony's questions. But he would do that. He'd do it willingly.

He reached up and pulled the afghan from the back of the lounge and wrapped it around Tony and moved him a little so that he would be more comfortable. He remembered that Tony was more susceptible to the cold since his run in with the plague. Knew that when Tony was sleeping, really sleeping, that he wouldn't realise that he was getting cold as he slept.

He may not have all his memories back, may never have all the gaps filled. But the important things were there.

He was where he belonged.

He was back at NCIS.

He was surrounded by his family.

And he loved Tony.

The rest he could work on.

They could work on.


	16. Secrets Revealed

**AN: Sorry about the long delay between chapters...not really sure where time goes! Hopefully this will make up for it :o) This follows on directly from the previous chapter i.e. same night and not to long after chapter 15 ends. As always reviews greatfully accepted....flames, well if you have to please be gentle, feeling a little combustable!**

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Abby had been so caught up in the code that she and McGee had been working on that she had almost lost track of the time. With a start she jumped up from her stool and smacked McGee Gibbs style as she reached over to her speaker phone.

"What the? Abby what was that for?"

"It's been over two hours! Why didn't you notice the time?"

She couldn't believe that she'd almost forgotten.

She quickly dialled the number and held her breath as the call went through. She didn't know if she felt relieved that it was answered in two rings or if she should be worried that it was answered so quickly.

Then she heard the voice on the other end of phone and she knew what she felt.

Rage.

It took her a moment before she could form words, but when she did she let rip.

"What the hell are you doing there?"

"Abbs..."

"What have you done to Tony now? Put him on the phone right this minute I want to talk to him!"

"Abbs!" Gibbs tried again, a little louder this time.

"You had better not have hurt him. If you hurt him there is nowhere on this planet that you'll be able to hide. Remember I'm one of the few people who can kill you and leave no trace, no body no nothing..."

"ABBY!" Gibbs was almost shouting as he moved into the kitchen so he didn't wake Tony. He couldn't really blame her. She and Tony had always had a special relationship.

"I swear if you hurt him..."

"Abby I don't want to hurt him. I never did."

Abby simply looked at the speaker phone with an incredulous look on her face.

The silence stretched out as Gibbs waited, determined not to be the first to break the silence.

"Put. Tony. On." Abby said slowly.

"No."

"No?"

"That's right Abby I said no. What part of no do you not understand?" He rubbed his hand over his face suddenly weary. He wanted to check on Tony, make sure that he was still sleeping peacefully. But he couldn't do that while he was on the phone with Abby, especially not while he was feeling this frustrated.

"Look either you let me talk to Tony or I'm coming over there."

Gibbs could hear McGee in the background trying to calm her down. He didn't need to be there to be able to picture the look on her face or see her pacing around her lab. He knew that she was pissed.

Majorly pissed at him.

And he didn't blame her.

Not in the least.

But he was where he needed to be, doing what he needed to do. And he wasn't going to let anyone interfere. He needed to be here taking care of Tony, be there for him. He didn't kid himself. He knew that he had a lot to do before he had any hope of proving himself to Tony again. Hell if he was being honest with himself he had a lot to do to make it up to all of his family. But he was going to try. Or die trying.

And wasn't that a possibility that he didn't really want to give much thought to. If he managed to piss any one of his family off then death could be a strong possibility. Maybe even preferable.

He sighed.

"Look Abbs, he's asleep. I promise you, he is ok and if he hadn't only just fallen asleep I would let you talk to him yourself."

Abby stopped mid rant. Gibbs sounded tired. Weary even.

"He's ok? You promise me he's ok?"

As much as she wanted to she'd never been able to stay mad at him for long, and this was no different. She felt herself wavering, weaking, starting to worry about him as well. But she was more worried about Tony.

"Abbs."

"Let me talk to her boss."

Gibbs looked up startled. He hadn't heard Tony enter the kitchen. He wondered just how long Tony had been standing there listening. How much he'd heard, seen.

"Tony..."

Tony nodded and held out his hand for the phone.

Gibbs looked at him closely before he handed the phone over. Tony looked exhausted and pale. He felt an overwhelming urge to hustle Tony into bed, draw the covers up and lock out the rest of the world for a while so that he could get the rest and peace that he needed at the moment. Instead he reluctantly handed the phone over and watched for any sign that Tony may need help.

"Hey Abbs." Tony said as he leant against the counter.

"Tony!" Abby squealed down the phone.

He couldn't help but wince and he knew that Gibbs saw it also. He saw Gibbs move to him but he waved him off.

"Abbs..."

"Oh my god, are you all right, do you want me to come over? I can be there in half an hour if you need me to."

He couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. No matter how crappy he felt he could always rely on Abby to make him feel better. To make him laugh.

"It's all right Abbs, I'm fine and I'm sure that whatever you and McGoogle are working on is very important and interesting."

Abby was torn between continuing what she was working on and high tailing it over to Tony's to help him. She really _really_ wanted to be there with Tony, maybe watching a movie or just keeping him company or even just watching him sleep. But she had to admit that she was caught up in what she was doing with McGee, the code that they were working on was truly amazing.

"Honestly Abbs, I'm fine. Gibbs is here so you don't need to worry."

Abby sat down in front of the speaker phone.

"That's right, Gibbs is there. If you don't want to be alone with him I don't mind coming over. I can get there real fast if you want some back up."

Tony laughed. If he didn't feel so shitty this would almost be amusing. He was reminded why he loved her so much, she was truly the sister that he'd always wanted.

"Thanks Abbs." Tony almost sighed. "But it's fine. I promise I'll call if I need anything or when Gibbs leaves. You just go back to what you were doing. I'll talk to you later."

"If you're sure...."

Tony laughed again.

Gibbs felt his heart beat a little faster at the sound. It had been way to long since he'd heard Tony laughing. But he was still worried about how Tony looked.

"Go Abbs, have fun and Tim," Tony paused until he knew that he had McGee's attention. "Make sure she doesn't OD on Caff-Pow again. You remember what happened last time."

Gibbs found himself wondering what had happened and when the last time had been. Not for the first time he wondered how much of his memory was still missing and how much he'd missed while he'd been hiding in Mexico. He waited as Tony finished talking to Abby and McGee and hung up. He gave Tony a couple of minutes to himself then he moved to lead Tony back to the lounge. He really didn't like the way that Tony was looking.

Tony closed his eyes for a moment as he leant back against the counter. His head hurt, his eyes burned and his stomach roiled. He felt Gibbs approach him and gently lead him back to the lounge. He felt himself relaxing, he remembered how good he always felt when Gibbs was near. How loved and safe he always felt. He could feel Gibbs looking at him and he couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face. This felt so normal.

"Would you rather go to bed?" Gibbs asked quietly. He knew that Tony's lounge was comfortable. He remembered sleeping there in the past. He remembered many nights that they had cuddled up together on that lounge watching one of Tony's many movies. But with the concussion Gibbs thought that he might feel better in his bed. He was about to ask if he preferred to stay where he was when he saw the smile slip from Tony's face as he tensed. "I didn't mean together Tony, you need to get some sleep..."

He didn't get any further before Tony bolted from the lounge and raced to the bathroom. Gibbs followed closely and reached the door as Tony collapsed in front of the toilet throwing up what looked to be the entire contents of his stomach.

Gibbs winced in sympathy as Tony was sick. He took his time as he wet a hand towel with warm water before he knelt behind Tony, soothing him and talking softly to him until the heaving eased and Tony slumped back into Gibbs arms. Gibbs gently wiped Tony's face with the towel and gave him a few moments to rally himself.

"So how concerned should I be right now Tony?" Gibbs whispered in Tony's ear. "Was that because of the concussion or because of the pregnancy?"

Tony froze at Gibbs question. He knew? How the hell did he know?

_Was_ he sick because of the concussion? No he didn't think so. It felt more like his morning sickness than his concussion. And the fact that he could tell the difference between the two was really quite scary. Maybe he hadn't heard Gibbs correctly. After all he'd made sure that he'd been careful about what he said and did around Gibbs.

"I know Tony." Gibbs said when it became clear that Tony wasn't going to answer. He'd felt Tony tense, and he hated that Tony had reacted that way. He tightened his hold on Tony a little to reassure himself that he was there and then continued to gently wipe the warm towel over Tony's forehead, soothing, calming. "Were you going to tell me? Or were you going to leave when you figured out that I was staying?"

"I...uh...I..." Tony didn't know what to say.

"It's all right Tony, you don't have to answer." Gibbs sighed. "I'm sorry."

Tony struggled a little trying to sit up and look at Gibbs.

Gibbs had just apologised to him. Again.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry Tony. I'm sorry for leaving, I'm sorry for the way I came back, I'm sorry for the way I told you I was staying and I'm sorry for leaving you to face all of this on your own Tony."

"You're apologising?"

Tony was stunned. Then he felt his stomach turn again and he struggled to make it back to the toilet in time before he started throwing up again.

Gibbs sighed. He knew that he was running out of chances with Tony. He had to show everything, be willing to talk, to beg for forgiveness. But first he had to take care of Tony now. He'd thought it was just morning sickness, but now he wasn't so sure. How far along was he anyway? Did he even have morning sickness? God he'd missed out on so much and there was just no getting that back.

"I'm not dying am I? Ducky wasn't lying to me when he said it was just a mild concussion was he?" Tony said as this round eased off and he slumped back into Gibbs arms again.

Gibbs continued to gently wipe Tony's face and neck with the warm damp towel. He just wished that there was more he could do to help. But he couldn't help chuckle at what Tony had said.

"Not as far as I know. The medics said you were all right, and Ducky agreed. Besides your head is too thick for a simple bump to do much damage."

Tony laughed, then groaned as the pain in his head made its presence known over the churning of his stomach. He hated concussions at the best of times, and having a concussion while you were pregnant and suffering morning sickness really sucked.

Gibbs was starting to feel the chill from the tiles seeping into him and he worried about Tony getting cold as well.

"We'll just stay here for a couple of minutes, give your stomach a chance to settle down a little before we try moving you to your bed. How does that sound?" Gibbs asked after sitting there for a few minutes.

Tony sighed. Apart from his head thumping and his stomach churning he felt comfortable and didn't want to move. It felt so good to be in Gibbs' arms again, to be able to smell the sawdust and coffee smell that was so uniquely Gibbs. The feel of Gibbs' fingers gently carding through his hair in the way that he loved, the way that never failed to soothe him. He really didn't want to move.

But then just as he thought it might be safe to try his stomach made itself known again. He had enough time to groan before he was dry heaving into the toilet. There was nothing left to throw up.

"Ok this just isn't right, I'm calling Ducky." Gibbs said as he moved to kneel behind Tony to help support him. He could see that Tony was on his last legs. He was exhausted and hurting. "I don't remember Shannon's morning sickness ever being this bad."

Tony groaned before he heaved again.

Gibbs waited for the heaving to stop before he gently eased Tony back again. He fished out his cell phone and pushed Ducky's speed dial. He spilt his attention between trying to soothe Tony and his phone.

Gibbs was surprised when Ducky answered after only a few rings.

"This had better be important Jethro, do you have any idea what the time is?"

Gibbs groaned and looked at Tony.

"Sorry," Gibbs winced as he took a moment to check the time. "I need you to come and check Tony out." Gibbs stated, he knew that Ducky was still ticked at him, but he hoped that his friend would hear the worry in his voice.

Ducky was silent for a moment. "What is the problem?"

"I'm not sure, but he's been vomiting." He did a quick calculation, "It's been nearly an hour and he's now reduced to dry heaving. He said it wasn't the concussion, but this seems a little excessive for morning sickness."

"Right."

Tony groaned again. He hated this. He hated people worrying about him. He knew that Ducky would be on his way soon, and Abby would hear about it soon after that. And the last time he'd heard Gibbs sound this worried? Well he'd still be in the hospital recovering from the plague. Yep this was sure the way to show everyone that he was capable of taking care of himself. But he had to admit that it felt good to have Gibbs here with him.

"Shh Tony, it'll be all right." Gibbs said. Then a memory hit him and he nearly swore. "What about your mother Duck?"

"Oh don't worry about mother, she's had her night cap and the night nurse is here to look after her anyway. I'll be there shortly. Just try and keep him calm and warm."

"Thanks Duck." He put his cell back in his pocket and turned his full attention back to Tony.

"You didn't have to call him, I'll be fine in a minute." Tony said

"Huh," Gibbs grunted. If he wasn't so worried about Tony right now he thought that sitting here with Tony would be nice. Ok maybe not the sitting on a cold tile floor, or Tony being so ill, but holding him was nice. It felt so right. He hadn't felt like this since he'd spent those couple of nights watching over Tony while he was in hospital. "I'm not taking any chances with you Tony. You're too important."

Tony eased back a little and turned to look at Gibbs. What he saw took his breath away. For the first time since the damn bomb had taken his lovers memory he could see the love in his eyes and he knew that Gibbs remembered him, remembered them. The love that they shared was so easy to see that he felt humbled all over again, just like the first time he saw that look in Gibbs eyes directed at him. For the first time in a very long time Tony didn't have anything to say. He eased back and rest against Gibbs, soaking up his warmth and love and wishing that his head would stop thumping and his stomach would settle down. He couldn't stop the smile that spread as Gibbs gently rubbing him with the warm cloth. He was starting to get drowsy now, but he was so content that he didn't care.

Gibbs continued his gentle ministrations, soothing and comforting as best he could. He knew the moment that Tony relaxed and when he was becoming drowsy. He knew it was time to try and move Tony to a warmer, softer more comfortable place like his bed.

Gibbs nudged Tony to get his attention. "Hey how about we try moving you to your bed?"

"Huh?" Tony asked.

"How about we try moving. Your bed will be much more comfortable than this cold hard floor Tony."

"D'n't wanna move. 'M fine here."

Gibbs chuckled. "You'll thank me in the morning, besides you don't want Ducky to find you in here do you?"

Tony snorted. "Wouldn't be the first time."

Gibbs wasn't sure how he felt about that and again wondered how much he'd missed while he was in Mexico and how much Tony had needed him while he'd been gone. He eased Tony to a more upright position then moved so that he could help him up.

"Come on Tony, you don't really want to sleep on this cold hard floor. Let's get you to bed so you'll be more comfortable."

"OK." Tony sighed. He couldn't believe how tired he was. No tired didn't really cover it and he knew that Gibbs was right. But damn he didn't really want to move either, to lose contact with Gibbs again, it was almost like a physical ache that thumped in time with his head. He let Gibbs help him up and then help him to his bedroom and grimaced as he realised just what Gibbs would be seeing. How stark and unlived in his apartment was, especially his bedroom. But there was nothing that he could do about it now and he didn't really care.

Gibbs looked around and was shocked at the lack of decoration that was in the master bedroom. There was a large bed, complete with the quality high thread count linen which was expected. There was one night stand and that was all. The room was stark and so un-Tony like that Gibbs was a little taken aback by it. It was another reminder of just how much Tony had to have been hurting, even struggling while he was gone that he again found himself hating himself for what he had put Tony through, what he'd put them all through.

He stopped Tony and took a moment to pull the covers back on the bed for him before he eased him into bed. He got Tony settled then headed out to get a bottle of water before heading back.

"Here Tony, have a drink before you go to sleep." Gibbs said as he sat on the edge of the bed next to Tony. He knew that he needed to get Tony to drink something after all the vomiting he'd just done.

"Thanks."

Gibbs waited until Tony had finished drinking before he made a move. "Ducky should be here soon, I'll go and wait for him in the lounge. You try and get some rest Tony."

"No!" Tony sat up. As much as he'd been hurt by Gibbs actions, he could understand them. But he'd missed his lover while he'd been gone, and he'd tried to stay away from him when he'd come back in fear of being hurt again. But having him so close, being able to touch him, be held by him had been too much and he wasn't strong enough to deny himself that comfort any longer. Not now that he knew that he could have it again. That Gibbs was here, really here. He was tired of being the strong one and just wanted Gibbs to stay with him. Talk to him. The rest they could work out later. "Stay. Please."

Gibbs studied Tony for a moment before he'd moved to the other side of the bed and sat down and was pleased when Tony turned to him and reached out for him.

"I really should go and wait for Ducky, let him in." Gibbs said as he started to gently card his fingers through Tony's hair. Again he was struck by how right, how normal this felt and he wondered again how he could so totally forget this. Tony was one of the best things that had ever happened to him.

Tony shook his head. "He has a key and he usually just lets himself in."

"He has a key?"

"Mmmm," Tony murmured as he was soothed by the gentle rhythm of Gibbs fingers. "Seemed to be logical. Ducky's been here a lot over the past couple of months, just seemed easier to give him a key in case of emergencies. Abbs has one as well."

"Has it been bad? The morning sickness?" Gibbs asked after a couple of minutes. He'd noticed that Tony was starting to drift off, but he wanted to know.

"Hmm?" Tony asked making an effort to open his eyes and concentrate.

"Has the morning sickness been bad?" Gibbs asked again.

"Yeah." Tony sighed. He knew that it was no use lying, that Gibbs would find out the truth. "The docs have me on some meds that help, but it's still pretty rough."

"I wish there was something I could do Tony." Gibbs said softly.

Tony smiled. "It's not so bad. Abby and Ducky have been there for me all the time. And Brad's been great as well. Besides your here now."

"And I'm not going anywhere."

"Well that's good to hear Jethro. But now tell me what has been going on." Ducky said from the doorway.

He may still be annoyed at his old friend, but even he couldn't deny how much better Tony was when Gibbs was around. They were good for each other, which was why he'd been pleased when they had first gotten together. He half wondered where Abby and Timothy were, they had said that they were going to spend the night at Tony's.

"Hey Ducky, you didn't need to come." Tony said as he sat up and leant back against his headboard.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that."

"He's been vomiting Ducky, he says it's not from the concussion but I wanted to be sure. It seemed a little excessive for morning sickness."

"Ah, my dear boy." Ducky set his bag down next to the bed. "You are still taking the medication that Brad prescribed I take it. The full does?"

"Yes Ducky."

Ducky nodded and got his pen light out to check Tony's reactions, making sure that the concussion wasn't worse. Then he followed up with a couple of other checks just to make sure that nothing more serious was the problem before he nodded to himself.

"Duck?"

"Hmm?" He reached into his bag and retrieved a syringe and a vile of medicine to help ease Tony's nausea.

"So?"

"Oh yes, sorry. You were right to call me Jethro. Though Tony was correct he was probably ill due to his morning sickness, however the concussion would not have helped. I dare say that the vomiting didn't help with your headache any either did it my dear boy."

"Not a lot." Tony mumbled as he leaned against Gibbs.

"I'll give you something to help ease the nausea and also the dull the headache a little, though I can't give you to strong as you well know." Ducky said as he prepared the syringe and then used the medical wipe to cleanse the injection area. "There this should help, you should start to feel better shortly. I would also suggest that you use your oxygen tonight."

"Aww Ducky you know I hate it, the tube gets all tangled and it's just plain annoying."

Ducky chuckled. "You may hate it, but you're body is taxed enough trying to heal itself and create a new life. I think it wise to ease a little of the strain in any way that we can. Don't you?"

"But I'm breathing fine, not a wheeze in sight! And the irritation of the tube will just make my headache worse...."

"Tony," Ducky said as he held out the nasal cannula, "do you want me to call Brad and have him come over?"

Tony sulked, held out his hand and snuggled closer to Gibbs all at the same time. He knew when he was fighting a losing battle. "Not fair Ducky."

Gibbs was a little shocked. He had vague memories about Tony needing oxygen sometimes, after his run in with the plague his lungs just weren't what they used to be. But he hadn't thought that Tony had needed the extra help breathing for a while. To hear Tony and Ducky discussing it like it was an old argument was a big enough shock, to see the oxygen tanks set up and within easy reach of Tony's bed was a bigger one. He wondered how he hadn't noticed them earlier.

"That's better." He took a moment to gather his equipment together and safely store the used syringe and make sure that the oxygen was flowing before he looked at Gibbs and Tony again. "I thought that Abby and young Timothy were going to stay with you tonight?" He asked as he focused on his old friend.

"They were, but they got called back to work." Tony said as he fiddled with the cannula trying to make it a little more comfortable. As bad as he'd been feeling he couldn't help but feel content and he couldn't stop himself from reaching out and touching Gibbs, reassuring himself that Gibbs was actually there with him and he wasn't a figment of his imagination.

Ducky watched the interaction between Tony and Gibbs. He couldn't help acknowledge that they were good for each other, balanced each other. He also found himself wondering if Gibbs had anything to do with the two younger peoples absence.

"It was nothing to do with me Duck."

"Uh huh." Ducky grunted, not really surprised that Gibbs had guessed what he had been thinking. He believed his old friend, so that left only one person who had the authority to recall any of them. He'd take this up with her later. He turned his attention back to a sleepy Tony. "Now my boy, you are not to be alone tonight. Just because I agree that this isn't related to your concussion does not mean that you can ignore that fact that you have a concussion. I would be happy to stay and you company tonight."

Tony looked over at Ducky and smiled. He was struck again by how lucky he was. Before coming to NCIS no one had cared this much about him. He knew that Ducky was watching out for him, trying to give him an out for being alone with Gibbs. But for the first time since Gibbs had returned he really didn't want his lover, ex-lover, whatever, to leave.

"Thanks Ducky, but I think I'll be fine."

"I'll be staying Duck." Gibbs said at almost the same time.

"Now do try and get a little sleep my dear boy. I'll stop by later and check on how you are doing." Ducky said as he stood and made his way to the door. He had to admit, even though he was still annoyed with Gibbs, that Gibbs was better for Tony than any medication he could provide Tony with.

"Thanks Ducky." Tony said as he sleep began to claim him.

Gibbs ran his hand through Tony's hair, making sure that Tony was comfortable, then made his way to follow Ducky out. He still had a few questions for his old friend.

"Duck."

Ducky turned and looked at his old friend. For the first time he noticed just how tired and stressed Gibbs seemed to be. Not that most people would noticed. It took him a little by surprise.

"Yes Jethro?"

"Ah," Gibbs hesitated, looking back to the closed bedroom door. He knew that Ducky was still pissed at him. "Thanks Duck."

Ducky just nodded and waited. He knew that that wasn't why Gibbs had followed him out.

"How worried should I be Ducky? About Tony?" Gibbs asked almost hesitantly. He'd been doing some homework, not trusting his memory on something so important. But he didn't know what the concussion would mean at the moment and the added complication of his scarred lungs.

Ducky sighed. "I'm sure you know a little about male pregnancy. I won't lie to you Jethro, with Tony's medical history and his line of work Tony's in the high risk category. Which is exactly why Tony is taking no chances and has Brad, myself and Dr Morgan keeping a close eye on him. As well as the rest of his family. And as you have no doubt guessed from what you have witnessed tonight, his pregnancy has not been an easy one so far. But having said that Tony is doing extremely well. The concussion is a minor worry, but keep in mind he has had worse."

"Dr Morgan?"

"His specialist. Highly respected in her field."

Gibbs nodded. "Is there anything special I need to do or watch out for?"

"No, just do the usual concussion checks during the night. If you're unsure of anything call me and I'll come right away. The medication that I gave him should keep his nausea bearable until he takes his next dose in the morning. It should also help him sleep a little easier. Also make sure that he keeps the nasal cannula on, he has a tendency to take it off when he sleeps."

"How bad has it been? The morning sickness, shouldn't it be easing up about now?"

"Ah," Ducky smiled sadly. "Unfortunately our Tony has been suffering from severe morning sickness, while most people will experience it at some stage during their pregnancy some suffer it more than others. Then there are the few who are unlucky to suffer it throughout their entire pregnancy. Unfortunately Tony seems to be one of the truly unlucky ones who will experience morning sickness all the way through his pregnancy. All we can do is help him as he needs it I'm afraid. He has his medications and his morning sickness survival kits which he has stashed around to help him, but even so at times they aren't going to be enough. Also as the pregnancy progresses he may find he has trouble breathing, but with the help of some oxygen it shouldn't cause too much of a problem."

"He never does things the easy way." Gibbs said as he wiped his hand over his face.

Ducky chuckled. "No, no he doesn't. But then neither do you."

Gibbs looked at Ducky, tried to read his expression and gave it up. When he wanted to be Ducky could be impossible to read.

"Now, go and take care of that dear boy in there. It is not often that we are given a second chance. Or even a third. Do not screw it up my friend."

Gibbs nodded and then headed back to Tony's room to check on him. Ducky's message had been received loud and clear. Screw up again with Tony and there would be hell to pay. The more he learned about his family had coped while he was in Mexico, the worse he felt. He should never have run. It wasn't him, never had been, and now all he could do was beg and plead for forgiveness from all of his family. Especially from Tony.

He detoured past the kitchen to grab another bottle of water before he went to check on Tony. He paused at the door and took a moment to pull himself together. He needed to be strong, to be willing to open himself up, to listen, but most of all to be there. Something he hadn't been so good at since Shannon and Kelly had been killed. But he was willing to try now.

He opened the door and nearly dropped the bottle he was carrying when he saw Tony sitting on the edge of his bed, pulling the cannula off and about to get up.

"Tony you need to leave that on and lay down, try and get some rest."

Tony hated to admit it but he'd been anxious when Gibbs had left him. He didn't think that Gibbs was leaving, but then again he hadn't expected his lover to run off to Mexico either. When he didn't hear yelling or slamming doors he'd wanted to investigate, but he hadn't gotten very far. Between his latest bout with the toilet, his concussion and whatever Ducky had just slipped him he was as weak as a kitten. And he hated it. Hated how vulnerable he felt. Hated how close to the surface his emotions were at the moment. Hated that after all his hard work, and how much Gibbs had hurt him he didn't want him to leave again. Not now, not ever.

"Here, have a sip of this and then we'll get you back into bed so you can get some sleep." Gibbs said as he sat next to Tony. After so long apart he couldn't stop the thrill he felt at being so close to Tony again.

"Thanks." Tony lent against Gibbs, and felt himself relax as the smell of coffee and sawdust surrounded him. He wished that this moment could last, that he could forget all the pain of the past couple of months. That it was just him and Gibbs and everything was perfect.

Gibbs smiled, then eased himself up and helped Tony lay down and get settled again. He could see that Tony was tired, but fighting it. When he was satisfied that Tony was comfortable he lent down and gently kissed his forehead. He knew now that he had a chance, and that was all that he wanted.

"Get some sleep Tony. I'll be out in the lounge if you need anything."

Tony sat up suddenly as he felt Gibbs leaving. He reached out and grabbed his wrist. "No! Don't go."

"It's all right Tony, I'm not going far."

Gibbs tried to release his wrist from Tony's grip without hurting him, but Tony was having none of it.

"No, please. Just stay here. Please."

Gibbs looked at Tony, "You sure? I promise I'm not going to leave, I was just going to sleep on your couch."

Tony shook his head. "Stay here. Please 'Ro."

Gibbs moved to the other side of the bed. "OK, but you have to promise to get some sleep Tony."

Tony waited until Gibbs was settled down next to him before he reached out to touch him again. He needed the physical contact.

"I looked for you when you left you know." Tony said quietly.

Gibbs moved so that he was facing Tony, he reached out and started to card his fingers through Tony's hair, the way he remembered he liked it.

"I know." Gibbs said softly, hoping that he could lull Tony to sleep. "I think I knew that you would search for me. I'm sorry that I left you alone Tony."

"S'kay, I think I kind of understand why you left now." Tony said as he snuggled closer.

That got Gibbs attention. "Huh?"

"I didn't before, but I think I get it now. You'd just lost you family. I didn't get that before, never really understood what family meant. Until now."

Now Gibbs really was intrigued. "What do you mean Tony?"

"Family is important. Your family should be everything to you, and you lost yours. You were lost so you had to leave, to help find yourself. I get that now. I have a family now and I'd do anything to protect them." Tony yawned. "Never had that before. Always wondered what I was missing."

"Ah hell Tony." Gibbs pulled Tony closer to him.

"S'kay, really." Tony said, he was desperately trying to avoid falling asleep. "So you said you wanted to try and make it up to me. How are you planning on doing that."

Gibbs smiled, he knew exactly what Tony was doing and why. But he also knew that if he kept gently carding his fingers through Tony's hair and speaking softly to him he'd be asleep in no time. He decided to play along.

"Well I thought I'd start by trying to woo you Tony, maybe take you on a date."

"Date sounds nice, but not sure I wanna go out."

Gibbs chuckled at that. Typical Tony. "Okay, so how about a date. Tonight. Here."

"Tonight?"

Gibbs nodded and lowered his voice a little more. He could tell that Tony was losing his battle and decided to start making some plans.

"Yep, tonight Tony. After you've gotten some sleep. I'll cook for you and then we can watch a movie, your choice." Gibbs stopped and checked to see if Tony was still awake, when he saw that he was, just barely, he continued. "And you can ask me anything you like Tony. No more secrets."

Tony looked up into Gibbs eyes, and was surprised to see that Gibbs meant it. It was a humbling feeling.

"Anything?"

"About my personal life, yes. About my career, as long as it's not classified. I'll answer anything that I can, just remember there are still some holes up there."

"Wow."

Gibbs chuckled. It was good to know that he could still surprise Tony.

"Now go to sleep Tony. The sooner you sleep the sooner we can start our date."

Tony closed his eyes and moved so that his head rested on Gibbs shoulder. The gentle fingers carding through his hair and the sound of Gibbs breathing and heart beat soon had him drifting off to sleep.

Gibbs couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. This was more than he'd hoped for. He had his chance and this time he wasn't going to mess it up.

While he watched Tony sleep he started to plan their date.


	17. The Date

**AN: To all of you who have been with this story since it began I thank you. For those who have joined the journey at some stage over the past couple of years (yes it has been that long!) I thank you as well. All reviews are greatfully accepted and make my day. Unfortunatly for poor Tony I think he's pregnant with a baby elephant! My spare time is limited what with work, family and study so I don't have as much time to write as I would like, so thank you all for your support and for sticking with this story.**

**This chapter has taken a little longer to write than I was expecting, mainly because I've had to go back and reread the rest of the fic from start to current a couple of times to make sure it flows, and even then I've had to go back and reread chapters to try and make sure I haven't made any glaring errors or boo boos, there will be some as I'm only human and this story is not betaed in any way other than by myself. And on a more positive note, for the first time since I've started the story I know now how most of the rest of the story will unfold (and not just the final chapter!)**

**So thanks again to all of you wonderful readers, I hope the wait has been worth it. Go forth, read, and review!**

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Gibbs checked his watch. It had been just over two hours since he'd left Tony at his apartment with Abby watching over him. And he still had a lot to do before he returned.

During the night he'd had a lot of time to plan their date, what he wanted to cook, the mood he wanted to set, and the things he wanted to share with Tony. He'd decided that whatever personal questions Tony asked he would answer. No matter how difficult or painful it was for him, and he knew damn well that some of the things that Tony would ask, that he had a right to ask, would be very painful for him to answer.

So here he was. Rushing around gathering the ingredients he needed, and the little touches that he was planning to use to help make the night just that little bit more special. As far as he could remember it had been a while since he had wined and dined Tony. He was determined to make it special. And he'd decided that even before Abby had added her thoughts about him. He felt a shiver run down his spine as he remembered her threat. He knew that she loved him, had missed him even while he'd been hiding down in Mexico. But he was also aware of how close Tony and Abby were and how much more protective she was of her friend now. And he didn't blame her one little bit. In fact he was glad that she was there for Tony, supporting him, looking out for him. Protecting him.

So while Tony slept, he'd planned.

He had made a start, Tony was at least talking to him and had confirmed that he was pregnant with his child. He'd also found out that Tony had missed him, and that while he was hurt by what Gibbs had done, Tony was willing to give him another chance.

And that had floored him.

Tony still loved him.

After everything that he had done since the explosion that had stolen fifteen years of his memories, despite the fact that he had run away to Mexico when every part of him had been screaming that he should stay, despite the way that he had treated Tony since he'd been back in DC and at NCIS Tony still loved him and wanted to at least try and work things out.

Shit his ex-wives had never been that forgiving or willing to work on their marriages. It made him realise, again, just how special Tony was. And how lucky he was that Tony loved him.

He'd already been home and collected a nice red table cloth and his candle holders that he and Shannon had gotten as a wedding gift. He'd smiled as he carefully wrapped them for their journey. Tony had always loved them, from the first moment he'd seen them tucked away in the back of a cupboard. He'd made a quick stop at the little shop that sold the handmade candles that Tony loved. They had a special blend that Tony insisted smelled just like Gibbs, he couldn't see it himself, but if it made Tony happy then that was that. Next had been the florist, he'd spent half an hour looking at the flowers and the arrangements before deciding what he wanted. He'd been glad that the florist had been so helpful and kind. She'd also been extremely knowledgeable. The flowers would show Tony exactly what he was feeling, if Tony wanted to do a little research that was. But he wasn't going to rely on that. For the first time in a very long time he was going to make an effort, he was going to talk, he was going to tell Tony what he was feeling, what he was thinking. And he was going to listen.

It was going to be hard. He hadn't done that since Shannon. She, like Tony, made him want to be a better man, to make sure that they understood why he did things and how he felt. It was what had been missing in his subsequent marriages. He could see that now. Hindsight was a wonderful thing.

Abby sat thinking as she watched Tony sleeping. She'd woken him about an hour after Gibbs had left, with breakfast in bed. She'd kept it simple because Gibbs had told her that he'd had to call Ducky over last night. She sighed. It just wasn't fair. He'd been through so much, and still he kept getting shit thrown at him. She wondered just how much more he could take, how much more he'd be forced to endure.

She glanced at the TV, glad that they had decided to watch the Bond marathon that was being shown. She was glad that they'd ended up opting to watch that instead of a DVD, the second movie was just finishing and she knew that if she'd gotten up to put the next one on or if she'd turned the TV off Tony would have woken up, but with the marathon the next movie started straight after the previous one finished, no movement and no silence to wake up her sleeping friend.

She'd had a chance to talk to Gibbs before he'd left, he'd told her about calling Ducky and had asked her to keep a close eye on Tony for him. And he'd kissed her and thanked her for taking care of Tony while he'd been gone.

But the thing that still shocked her was the fact that he'd taken the chance to apologise to her for leaving the way he did. He'd listened while she'd unloaded all of her hurt, anger and fear. And then he'd held her tight and promised that he was going to try and make it up to her, to all of them.

In all the time that she had known Gibbs, she had never seen him so sincere about anything.

When she'd woken Tony for breakfast she'd been unprepared for the panic that she'd glimpsed from Tony when he realised that Gibbs wasn't there. She could understand it though, since Gibbs had been back she hadn't been able to relax until both he and Tony had checked in with her each morning. Part of her had been waiting for him to leave again. She could only imagine how much worse it was for Tony.

But as soon as she'd seen the fear and panic flash across Tony's face he'd shut it down and tried to show her that he was happy that she was there. She hadn't taken it personally. She'd put the breakfast tray on the bed by Tony and climbed in next to him to share their bounty. Then just before they'd started eating she'd slipped the envelope from Gibbs on the tray in front of him. She'd seen the hesitation as he'd reached for it, and she'd prodded him to open it telling him about the how mischievous Gibbs had been when he'd made her promise to give Tony the letter.

And the look on Tony's face when he read it had been worth seeing. She didn't need to know what the note had said, just the fact that the letter had made Tony relax and smile again was enough for her. And she knew then that she had mostly forgiven Gibbs for leaving.

They'd spent most of the day just relaxing, chatting, laughing and watching James Bond. It had been a good day. And it hadn't escaped her noticed that no matter what they were doing or where they were, Gibbs' note was always with him, usually is hand or tucked up close to him. Even now as he slept peacefully, for the first time in far too long, he had that note clutched in his hand that was tucked near his heart.

She smiled and started running her fingers through his hair as he slept. It was a guilty pleasure that she wouldn't have given up for anything. She knew he liked it and it also helped reassure her that he was still there with them.

Five hours and forty seven minutes after he'd left Tony's apartment he finally had everything he needed to make the night special.

He stood in front of Tony's door and fumbled with the key that he had borrowed when he left. He hoped that Tony and Abby had had a good day. A relaxing day. He deserved it. Hell they both deserved it after all they had been through in the past couple of months. And for the first time since he'd woken up he felt that he was heading in the right direction again. The talk he'd had with Abby this morning had been good, he'd felt he'd made some progress with her, and he knew that he was no longer in immediate danger of death by stealth. He knew that he'd make mistakes, with all of them, but he also knew that he would still have their support.

He was struggling with Tony's front door when it swung open and Abby was there making shushing noises at him. He couldn't help but smile at her. She quickly helped him bring everything in before he went to check on Tony. He'd waited as long as he could.

He crouched down in front of the lounge where Tony was sleeping peacefully. He gently reached over and carded his fingers through the soft hair before he rose, giving him a gentle kiss before he moved back to the kitchen.

Abby smiled as she watched her two best guys together.

"He hasn't let go of your note all day." She whispered as Gibbs joined her again. "Whatever you wrote in that note, it was just the right thing."

Gibbs smiled. He hadn't been sure if he should have written it or not, but hearing the approval in Abby's voice nice.

"So what can I do to help?"

"Don't you and McGee have plans?"

"Yep, but I don't need to go for another couple of hours. So tell me what you want me to do."

Gibbs smiled and pulled her into a hug, then they set to work getting Tony's apartment ready for the big date tonight.

Tony slowly woke the smell of home cooking and for the first time in ages his stomach rumbled letting him know that he was indeed hungry. He sat up and noticed that the TV was still on, another Bond movie was playing. He also heard the shower just before it shut off and he guessed that Gibbs must be back and just like that the tension he hadn't even realised he was carrying eased.

As he made his way to the small kitchen he was amazed to see the changes that had taken place while he slept. His table had been moved and set up for a romantic dinner for two, complete with his favourite candles and the candle sticks that must have come from Gibbs place. As he looked around he noticed a few other things that Gibbs must have brought from home as well. He felt emotions swell up and almost overwhelm him as he reached out and ran his hand across the table cloth. Then he noticed the flowers that were on the end of the table and he felt tears falling.

"Hey what's wrong?" Gibbs asked as he wound his arms around Tony. He'd come out of the bathroom just in time to see Tony examining the table. He'd watched the emotions fleet across Tony's face as he noticed something else. He'd already started to cross to him when he noticed the tears start. Then he started to worry that he'd done something wrong. That he'd messed up again. When he wound his arms around Tony he'd felt him tense until he spoke and he felt Tony start to relax again. But he still wasn't sure what was wrong. He turned Tony in his arms so that he could face him, to hopefully get an idea about what was wrong. But even though Tony was crying he also had a small smile and Gibbs felt his gut unclench at the sight. "Tony?"

Tony reached up and touched Gibbs upper lip.

"It's gone!"

Gibbs smiled and kissed Tony's fingers. He looked a little confused, but at least he wasn't crying anymore.

"Mmmm, I thought it was time it was gone. Time to show you that I was back, to stay." Gibbs said softly, then gently wiped Tony's cheeks clean of the tears that he'd shed not moments before. "Besides I'd heard that you didn't like it."

"Well it was kinda growin on me. But I'm glad it's gone." Tony shuddered once theatrically. "So you're really staying?"

"Yeah Tony, I'm staying. I ran once and it was the worst thing I could have done. I'm not making that mistake twice." He pulled Tony in closer for a hug. He wasn't sure about Tony, but he needed it. "There are still a few holes up there, but I'm pretty sure I've got the important stuff back."

They stayed like that for a while, both soaking up the other, not wanting to move and break the spell. They were here, together, and it felt oh so right.

Eventually Gibbs pulled away a little and smiled at Tony. He was going to do this right, and on that note it was time to usher Tony off to go and get ready for their date.

"Why don't you go and have a shower, freshen up a little and then we can get our date started. Dinner will be a while yet, but we can sit and talk, or watch a movie for a while once your done."

Tony smile. "I think I'll do that. I won't be long."

He watched as Tony made his way to the bathroom then he went into the kitchen to make sure that everything was in order. Once he was satisfied he tidied up the lounge room area a little and got their drinks ready. Non alcoholic wine for both of them tonight. He smiled as he remembered Abbs telling him about this particular one that Tony had taken a shine to, even better was that it would go well with their meal tonight as well. He was almost done when he heard Tony being sick again, he was tempted to go in and help him, but it ended almost as soon as it started and he breathed a sigh of relief.

Ten minutes later Tony strolled back into the living area, looking a little pale but otherwise looking good. Gibbs ushered him over to the lounge as he poured them both a drink of the wine and also produced some cheese and crackers. He was a little apprehensive, no matter how much Abbs had assured him that nothing he was planning on serving that night had been known to make Tony sick.

The Bond marathon continued to play on Tony's TV.

After a few minutes Gibbs couldn't stand it any longer. The quiet that lay between them at the moment was unnatural. Wrong. He knew that everything he was hoping for was hanging in the balance and he didn't want to screw it up. There was so much that he wanted to ask, to say, but he wasn't sure where to begin, what was still to raw or to touchy to talk about right this minute. So he began with something that he hoped would be all right, that would get them at least talking again.

"So what happened the last time Abbs od'ed on Caf-Pow?"

Tony looked at him for a second. Whatever he'd been expecting Gibbs to say or to ask that was not it. He set his wine glass down and looked at his lover, really looked at him for the first time since he'd returned. He looked tired, concerned but most of all openness, sincerity and love. God he'd missed that look. The look that always made him feel so safe. But the openness and sincerity were what took his breath away. It was not something he'd seen a lot of in their relationship. Yes he knew that Gibbs loved him and had trusted him on the job, but this went beyond that. It gave him hope. He settled back on the lounge and smiled as he remembered and felt himself opening up. If Gibbs was willing to then who was he to not?

"There's a bit more to it than a Caf-Pow OD. You know that Michelle was assigned to our team while you were gone?" He waited for Gibbs to nod before he continued. "Well Michelle was a bit of a health nut. Actually she made Cait look more like me. She always brought her lunch with her and her snacks? Well even a rabbit would have been craving chocolate after a few days on her diet! Every time Abbs saw Michelle she had a sudden craving for sugar or something else equally as bad for you. Which in some ways helped me, a small sugar hit would sometimes help stave off the morning sickness. We had stashes all over the place. My desk, her lab, autopsy. Even managed to sneak some in to MTAC."

Gibbs snorted at that. "Oh I bed Jen just loved that one."

"Actually I'm not sure she ever found my stash." Tony smiled, he felt himself relaxing, enjoying himself and the start of their date. He'd been a little worried when he'd been getting ready.

"So how did Abbs craving sugar lead to a Caf-Pow OD?"

"Oh well, you see the more Michelle tried to convert us all to eating properly and giving up the calories and sugars the more Abbs rebelled and sought them out. Anyway just before you came back to help Ziva, Jen sent me to a security conference which meant that I was out of town for a few days and the team were reduced to cold cases. Which meant they were spending more time in the office together. By this time Abbs had quite a stash of stuff, lollies, donuts, and Caf-Pow because she didn't have us there to supply her. So while I was at the conference we were constantly texting and talking, part of that was she was worried about me and part was out of frustration over having to deal with Michelle's uptight attitude with not only food but her attitude and black and white views of the world. Poor McGee's life was a living hell that week. Between trying to keep Abbs from bouncing off the walls and keeping Ziva from killing Michelle he was a busy boy. Abbs had wanted to pick me up at the airport when I returned, but I'd put her off and told her I'd see her at the office. The traffic that day was bad. I mean really bad, and the cabbie that I got was hopeless! The trip from the airport took about three times as long as it should have, five times longer than if you'd been driving."

"I'm not that bad!" Gibbs protested, weakly. He'd asked the right question. They were both relaxed now and talking and for once he felt as if there was someone watching out for him, for them.

"Yeah, you keep believing that Jethro. Anyway by the time I finally made it to the bullpen Michelle was studiously working her way through some cold cases trying to ignore the others. Ziva was at her desk alternately looking daggers at Michelle and looking on bemusedly at McGee and Abbs. McGee was huddled up near the divider next to his desk, looking like someone was torturing his puppy in front of him and Abbs had taken over his computer. In front of her was a box of dusted donuts, her usual Caf-Pow and the biggest bag of mixed lollies I've seen for ages. Even you would have laughed at the sight I was greeted with. It took Abbs about a minute to realise I'd returned and when she did she tackled me with one of her trade mark bear hugs, only she was so hyped up with sugar and Caf-Pow she could have taken on a boa constrictor and won. It took me nearly passing out from lack of oxygen before she eased up, and then it took us an hour to get her to let me go."

Gibbs laughed. He could imagine the scene and he had to agree with Tony, if he'd been there he wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face. His reputation would have gone out the door. But he couldn't help wishing that he had been there to see it.

"Poor Timmy looked like a wreck the next day. I ended up telling him to take her home a couple of hours later when it became clear she was to hyped up to do anything productive."

"That's Abbs for you."

"Yeah, wouldn't have her any other way." Tony smiled then laid his head back against the lounge. "You didn't have to do all of this Jethro."

Gibbs looked at Tony, then around the apartment and then back to Tony.

"Yes I did. I meant what I said earlier. I want to do this right and that means wining and dining you. I'm not going to repeat my mistakes with you again Tony. You deserve the best, and I intend on giving you as much as I can. I also want us to talk, both of us." He waited until Tony looked him in his eyes again. "You are worth it Tony. I don't know what I've done to deserve this chance you've given me, but I'm going to take it and I'm going to do my best to make you happy. To show you how much you mean to me."

Tony couldn't help it, he felt the tears well up and spill again. He tried to hide them, but he knew he wasn't successful. God he hated that, he wanted to be strong. DiNozzo's didn't cry for crying out loud. But he'd cried not once but twice tonight. He feels Gibbs move on the lounge and then he feels himself being surrounded by Gibbs warmth as his arms encircle him and for the moment he is content to lean on Gibbs and soak up his warmth, his strength.

So he does.

Until he's able to pull himself together again. Then he eases himself back and wipes the tears away as he berates himself again for crying like a baby for no apparent reason.

"Sorry, I don't know where that came from." He says softly.

"Hey there's no need to apologize Tony." He takes a breath and makes a decision. He's not sure how welcome it will be, but he has to show Tony he's serious about what he's been saying. "I remember when Shannon was pregnant with Kelly she told me once that she love being pregnant, but the mood swings and hormones were horrendous. She'd be happy and laughing one minute and hurling whatever was handiest at me the next."

Tony wiped at his eyes again, he'd been sure that Gibbs was about to remind him about the rule. He sure as hell hadn't expected to hear about Shannon, he'd expected that topic to be off limits.

"Are you about ready to eat?"

At that moment Tony's stomach grumbled and let them both know that food would be a good idea and they both laughed.

"So what's for dinner?"

"Ah well that would be home made lasagne with Abbs famous garlic bread as a side, and for desert we have Cherry Zabaglione Tart from Mama Teslioni's."

"Oh wow," Tony said as he sat, his mouth was watering at the thought of all of his favourites. He couldn't remember the last time that Gibbs had gone to this much trouble for dinner. But he thought that he could get used to this.

The conversation reverted back to safer topics while they ate and flowed freely. They talked about cases that Tony had worked on while he was gone, and Gibbs told Tony about some of the things that he was doing in Mexico.

Tony relaxed on the lounge with his glass of wine as Gibbs put the last of the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. The food had been delicious, and after going back for seconds on just about everything he was now feeling rather stuffed. He waited until Gibbs was sitting beside him again before he asked the question that had been bugging him since Gibbs had confronted him last night, he'd wanted to know but he'd been putting off asking for as long as he could.

"How did you find out?"

Gibbs looked at Tony, unsure of what he was being asked.

"I mean how did you find out I was pregnant. I know I was careful, made sure that Ducky and Abbs never mentioned it at work, kept all my appointments out of work hours and when the others found out I made them promise not to tell you." Tony took a breath. "So how did you find out?"

Gibbs blew out his breath. He knew he should have expected this question, but he really didn't know how Tony would react to his answer.

"I started to remember some things when you collapsed in Abby's lab. I knew I couldn't just turn up at the hospital and be welcome, so I waited after we'd sorted out Ziva's problems before I made my way to Bethesda. I waited until I saw the others leave before I went up to your room. I wasn't expecting Jenny to be there..."

Tony snorted, "Yeah well I wasn't expecting that one myself."

Gibbs grinned before he went on. Another piece had fallen into place for him. He really had to thank her, maybe some of those expensive flowers that she like.

"It didn't take me long to figure out what the equipment that was surrounding you was monitoring. After all I'd seen it once before. When Shannon was pregnant with Kelly. Jen just confirmed my suspicion."

Tony looked up sharply at the mention of Gibbs' family. He'd had no idea that Gibbs had had four wives, not three, and a child until he'd been blown up on that damn ship. Gibbs had never mentioned them, sure there were rooms in the house that they didn't use, never went in, but he'd just thought that they had bad memories from his previous marriages. It wasn't until after the explosion that he got an idea of what the rooms were really a reminder of. And now here he was, sitting in an apartment that was nothing like a home, with his lover? Ex lover? Hell he wasn't sure what they were. And talking. Actually talking! And Gibbs had willingly talked about Shannon, not once, but twice and not just in passing either. In the one conversation. He wasn't sure what to think about this. Gibbs so rarely talked about his past, his wives, but when he did it was always something that Tony had had to drag out of him. Never before had Gibbs shared so much with no prodding.

Gibbs winced inwardly as he saw the look of surprise cross his face. He knew that he tended to keep things to himself, didn't share willingly. Hell it had been a large reason why his marriages after Shannon had all failed. He'd thought he'd been better with Tony, but in hindsight he could see that he'd still made the same mistakes. That stopped now. No more hiding. It was time to move forward.

"I'm sorry Tony, I should have told you about Shannon long ago."

"Hey, it's ok. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose your wife and child like that." Tony said as he reached over held Gibbs hand. He was just learning what it was to have a family that cared about you, he'd spent so much of his life alone, but now that he had it he wasn't sure what he'd do if he lost it. Especially if he lost it the same way as Gibbs had. "But now I know why you are so good at your job, so good with the victims and their families."

Gibbs felt the pain in his heart as he thought about his first family, but the pain wasn't as overpowering as it had been. And he knew that the reason for that was sitting next to him, holding his hand. He relaxed back into the lounge and smiled at Tony. "Thanks."

Tony shrugged.

"So how far along are you?"

"Ah, about fourteen weeks."

Gibbs squeezed Tony's hand, glad that he hadn't let go, glad that he had answered.

"Second trimester then. If I remember correctly the second trimester is supposed to be easier than the first. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you needed me Tony."

Tony shrugged.

"So why did you change your mind about staying? Was it because of the baby? Because you felt obligated?"

Gibbs sighed, he knew he should have seen that one coming. Tony had his insecurities, and some of them were pretty big even if they were well hidden to most people.

"No Tony that's not why I stayed. I'd already decided to stay in DC before I knew you were pregnant. The moment I saw you in Abby's lab I knew that I couldn't just leave again. When you collapsed, hell I haven't felt that helpless since I was told that my family had been killed, but seeing you, hearing your voice. God Tony, you don't know how good that felt in those few seconds. Even though you were yelling at me." He looked closely at Tony, trying to judge how Tony was taking this, whether he believed him or if he needed to try harder to convince him of the truth. "I'd had flashes of memories while I was in Mexico, some confusing, some painful. But there were still huge gaps. When I saw you again, I got more. But when you collapsed it was like being punched. Memories of you being sick, of being worried about you came hard and fast. But even before that I knew I wasn't leaving. Being so close to you again, god Tony I've only felt that connection with one other person. It was taken away from me the first time, I couldn't walk away from it a second, not without a fight."

Tony was speechless. He'd been dying to ask Gibbs that question since he'd heard that Gibbs was still in DC, still at NCIS. But he'd been scared. Scared about the answer, scared that what he wanted could be so close but still out of his reach. He felt a tear trickle down his cheek. But before he could reach up and wipe his eyes he felt Gibbs strong, gentle fingers wiping his face for him. And he knew that everything that he'd dreamed of having, everything that he'd hoped for was right here, within his reach. His for the taking.

"Hey," Gibbs said as he gathered Tony into his arms. He hadn't wanted to make him cry, but as he'd spoken he'd watched the tears gather in Tony's eyes and then spill over and his heart ached for his lover. Pregnancy hormones were hell to deal with, added onto that were the other emotions that Tony would have to be dealing with and Gibbs was surprised that Tony was actually handling this as well as he was. But still, Tony and tears. Not something he wanted to see, or cause. "It's going to be all right Tony, whatever you need, whatever you want we'll work it out."

Tony felt the last of the tension that he'd been carrying around for weeks finally drain away as Gibbs held him and whispered reassurances to him. A small voice in his mind was saying that Gibbs was just saying what he thought he wanted to hear, but his heart and the majority of his head told him that Gibbs was being honest. He'd done all of this tonight for him, had opened up more tonight than ever before for him. That Gibbs loved Him. And that Gibbs had stayed with him each night while he'd been in hospital.

Gibbs noticed that Tony was starting to fall asleep and he smiled. This was more than he'd hoped for, he knew that they still had a lot to work through, a lot to sort out. But he knew that whatever was to come they had a least made a start. A good start. He leant down and kissed the top of Tony's head. He didn't want to disturb Tony, god knew he needed his rest, but he knew that Tony would sleep better in his bed. It had been a long day after all.

"Hey, how about we get you to bed so you can get some sleep."

Tony nodded but couldn't stop the yawn as he reluctantly pulled back from the warmth of Gibbs embrace. He was more than ready to go to bed, to sleep.

Tony couldn't help but smile as Gibbs helped him to his bedroom and helped him get comfortable. When he saw that Gibbs was getting ready to leave he reached out and grabbed his wrist, "No, don't go. Please?"

Gibbs smiled then lent down and gently kissed Tony before heading around to the other side of the bed. He stripped down and climbed into the bed behind his lover. He gathered Tony close and held him as Tony drifted closer to sleep.

"I want you to come home Tony," he said softly. He'd been wanting to say this since he'd returned, but the time hadn't been right. He wasn't sure that it was right now, but he couldn't hold it back any longer. He felt Tony tense a little as he spoke, and not being about to see his face, Gibbs wasn't sure what to make of that. "Not right this moment, and I'm not going to put any pressure on you. Whenever you're ready, I want you to come home. I'll wait for you as long as you need Tony. I'm not going to leave you again, I'm not going to give up on us."

Tony had been almost asleep when he heard Gibbs speaking. The mention of home had sent a wave of longing through him closely followed by the memories of how he'd felt as he'd packed up his belongings two months ago. When Gibbs had first asked him to move in with him permanently he'd been shocked and a little hesitant. But he'd soon settled in quickly and for the first time in his life he'd had a home of his own, leaving had nearly broken his heard. It would have if Gibbs hadn't already done that himself without knowing. After everything that they had talked about in the past twenty four hours he still hadn't been expecting to hear those words from Gibbs, not yet. Not so soon.

"Just think about it Tony." Gibbs said quietly as he pressed a kiss to Tony's neck. He could wait, he would wait. He had everything to gain and nothing to lose after all.

Tony didn't trust his voice so he nodded.

Within a few minutes Tony was sleeping peacefully in Gibbs embrace and Gibbs wasn't far behind him.


	18. Finding Home

**AN: Sorry about the long time between chapters, I have never given up on this story and am continually working on it in my mind and computer, but time and other factors keep getting in the way of actually getting it typed, edited and posted.**

**PLEASE NOTE: I have noticed on some stories some readers have taken to flaming the authors of certain styles and pairings and then blocking the author from contacting them. For those of you who happily do this know that all flames will be ignore, constructive reviews are always welcome and are how we learn and grow as writers.**

**FINALLY: Again for those of you reading a reminder that this IS a SLASH story, with the main pairing being Gibbs and DiNozzo, if this pairing offends you DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER! This is also a MPREG story, again if this OFFENDS you DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER! But hopefully if you are reading this chapter you have realised what this story is all about. If that is the case, read on and hopefully enjoy :)**

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Gibbs looked at the clock by his bed as he continued to toss and turn. It was only 3am, to early to get up and even if he did he'd probably only end up disturbing Ducky who was sleeping in the guest room.

He sighed. He wondered how after only a few weeks of being back with Tony he was already finding it impossible to sleep without his lover again. But he couldn't hold back the smile that played across his lips as he remembered the night. The team had all gone out to dinner. At first things had been a little tense with some of them, but McGee, Ziva and Palmer had all taken their cues from Tony and Abby and once they had relaxed a little, shared some good food and conversation the night had been a raging success. He was glad that he'd suggested it, as much as he liked his alone time and time with just Tony, he had to admit that tonight had gone a long way to getting their team, their family, back into an easy flow. He'd even made headway into repairing his relationship with Ducky. And he hadn't realised just how much of a relief that would have been until he'd been sitting in his lounge room sharing some single malt with his old friend.

But now it was early morning, and he was alone in his bed because he'd encouraged Tony to continue the night with movies at his place with Abby, Ziva and Tim. Jimmy had declined the invite to Tony's because he was meeting up with a "friend". He chuckled as he remembered the blush that had suffused the younger man's face when he'd admitted why he couldn't join the others. He and Ducky had decided to let the younger ones have their movie night and had gone back to his place for some after dinner drinks and to talk a little more.

It had been comfortable. Something he hadn't realised that he'd been missing until they'd had a few drinks. And that was also when he'd admitted that he wished that Tony and the others were here, having their movie night. When Ducky had pressed him as to why they weren't he'd said that he hadn't wanted to put pressure on Tony to move back in, he was the one who had messed up and he would do whatever Tony wanted. He needed to make things right between them, and that included taking things at a speed that Tony was comfortable with.

But laying in bed here by himself he wished that Tony was here with him. That he'd move back into the house where he belonged. This house hadn't felt like a home since Shannon and Kelly, none of his ex-wives had managed to make an impression on the house, but with Tony it was like the house had been waiting for him, that Shannon and Kelly had welcomed him into their home. And when his lover wasn't here it just felt cold, and lonely. Even with Ducky staying the night.

He sighed and looked at the clock again 3.12am.

This was going to be one long night.

He was almost relieved when his cell phone started to ring, that was until he saw who was calling. He was up, out of bed and half dressed by the time he had answered his phone. At this time of night this could not be good news.

"What the hell did you do to him this time? What did you say huh?" Abby shouted through the phone.

He barely stopped as his blood ran cold, he didn't know what she was talking about but he finished dressing and was out of the bedroom before he spoke.

"Slow down Abbs and tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG?"

"ABBY"

That stopped her dead. "Tell me he's there with you, please tell me he's there..."

He paused as he headed down the stairs. His heart stopped. Tony had run? He wanted to yell, to punch something, but he couldn't. He didn't want to wake Ducky up. Not yet at least. Not until he knew what was going on.

"He's not here Abbs, now slow down and tell me what happened."

He could almost hear her deflate, and the fear that crept into her voice.

"Oh god, I thought he was all right, I thought that everything was starting to work out, I didn't realise anything was wrong..."

"Abbs, tell me what happened, please." Gibbs said softly. He'd made it downstairs now and was unlocking his gun. He needed facts, he needed to know what had happened so that he could go and find Tony, so that he could make it right. He couldn't lose him, not again, not now.

It was the please that did it, and he knew it.

"We had a great night, it was a great night wasn't it?"

He smiled a little at that.

"Yeah Abbs, it was great. What happened when you got back to Tony's?" He had moved to find his keys. If Tony had run, he hadn't seen it coming any more than Abby had.

"Everything was fine, we were having fun and watched a couple of movies. We must have fallen asleep. I woke up and we were all covered with blankets and the TV was turned off. I thought he'd just gone to bed so I went to check and make sure he was all right. But he wasn't there. I looked. I woke the others up and got them to help me look, Timmy went down and checked and his car is gone. Where's he gone? Why didn't he let me know what was going on Gibbs?"

"Damn." Was all he could say, all he could think. He'd thought that Tony was finished with running, he couldn't have gotten his lover that wrong. Could he? And even if he'd missed something, he didn't think the others would have missed all the signs as well, not now.

He heard a sound behind him and spun around, hoping that it was Tony but realised that it was Ducky at the same time. He rubbed a hand over his face as he thought. There had to be something.

"Is anything else missing from his apartment? Clothes?"

"Oh my." Ducky said quietly, he didn't need to ask what was happening. He'd heard Gibbs cell phone and had wondered if they had been called in, even though it was technically their weekend off.

Gibbs checked to make sure he had everything he needed while he waited for Abby and the others to check the apartment. He could hear Abby moving through the apartment and talking to the others as she went. He could hear doors being opened and closed.

"I can't see anything missing. Where is he Gibbs?"

He'd reached the door and turned on the porch light. His heart warmed as a wave of relief washed over him.

"It's all right Abbs, he's here."

"What? Why didn't you say before! I was so worried, can I talk to him?"

"Abbs, slow down." Gibbs sighed, then the relief that he had felt moments ago washed away as he realised that something still wasn't right, why hadn't Tony come in when he arrived? Why was he still outside in the cold? How long had he been here? "He's in his car, I'll call you back once I get him inside."

He hung up and called out to Ducky and then hurried out to Tony's car. He was huddled up in his car with his head resting on the cold glass window. He tried the door and was somewhat reassured that the door was locked, at least Tony had been thinking of his safety before he'd fallen asleep. But that still didn't answer why he hadn't come inside when he'd arrived. He sighed, knelt down and tapped on the window to wake Tony up.

"Tony, wake up Tony." Gibbs almost pleaded as he knocked on the door. But Tony didn't even stir. He saw Ducky move closer and placed his hand on the hood of the car as he passed.

"He's been here for some time Jethro, the hood is cold. We really must get him inside quickly, this cold will not be good for his lungs."

Gibbs cursed quietly as he went back to trying to wake Tony. He was tempted to try breaking into the car, but as he was looking around for something to help him Tony finally started to stir.

"Come on Tony, that's it. Time to wake up." He continued to tap on the window to get Tony to focus on him. He was considering sending Ducky back inside to get his lockpick tools when he saw Tony open his eyes and look at him, but he could tell that his lover wasn't fully aware of where he was. "That's it Tony, I need you unlock the door so we can get you inside where it's nice and warm."

Tony smiled before his eyes started to close again.

Gibbs felt his heart stutter, no he had to get Tony to unlock his door so they could get him inside. There was no other option.

"No Tony, don't go back to sleep, I need you to unlock your door," he said as he continued to tap the glass near Tony's head. He almost sighed with relief when he saw Tony slowly reach up to the lock. He heard Ducky echo his sigh of relief before he turned his attention back to Tony. "That's it, we'll get you nice and warm soon."

As soon as Tony unlocked the door Gibbs was easing it open, making sure that Tony didn't fall out as he was still leaning on the door. He knew that Ducky was hovering just behind him, impatient to check the younger man out.

"That's it Tony, time to go inside now. We have to get you nice and warm." Gibbs said as he eased his lover out of the car. He was worried that Tony still didn't seem to be focusing on what was going on around him, but was glad that he had come to their home instead of running. "Good Tony, not far now and then we'll be inside. The fire is still nice and warm. It won't take long to get it going again. We'll just go inside, get comfortable in front of the fire and Ducky will check you out, then we'll go upstairs and get comfortable in our nice warm bed, how does that sound Tony?"

Tony snuggled a little closer into Gibbs arms as he helped him inside. He didn't care where they were or what they were doing, he just soaked up his lovers presence, his warmth, the sound of his voice. It was what had been missing since he'd gone back to his apartment with others, it had been what he had been missing when he'd been trying to get to sleep. It was what had led him to leave his warm flat and venture out into the cold in the early hours of the morning as his friends, his family, had slept.

"Come on, not much further now. Just a few steps up and we'll be inside. How does that sound Tony?" Gibbs asked as he led an unresisting Tony inside. He took a moment to look back and see that Ducky had locked Tony's beloved car before following them closely.

"Make him comfortable on the couch Jethro, I'll just go and retrieve my bag and then check young Anthony out. We can't be too careful now can we?"

"Thanks Duck." Gibbs said as he settled Tony on the couch before he moved to stir the fire back up. He was worried about how cold Tony felt. He knew that that couldn't be good.

"J'ro" Tony groaned as he felt Gibbs move away. He didn't want him to go, not now he was enjoying being near him.

Gibbs quickly stirred the fire back to life before he turned back to his lover. He moved even faster as he heard Tony call out for him, soft and a little lost. His heart broke a little more. He was still realising just how much damage he had done when he had run to Mexico and he didn't think he'd ever be able to make it up to Tony. But he was willing to spend the rest of his life trying. He'd already taken steps, steps that only his lawyers had any knowledge of.

"It's all right, I'm not going anywhere." He said as he sat next to Tony who had begun to try and get up again, he pulled Tony a little closer and felt him stop struggling and relax back into him. He pulled the blanket around Tony to try and help warm him up a little.

"Now my dear boy, let's see what mischief you have managed to get yourself into this time shall we." Ducky said as he put his bag down next to Tony and started his exam. "Now my boy, I thought you were going to have a nice evening at home with the others? What happened, were the movies not up to your usual standard? Or did you happen to run out of snacks? I remember one time when I was entertaining…"

"Duck," Gibbs cut his friend off as he felt Tony snuggle closer to him. He knew that Tony usually loved to listen to Ducky's stories, but when he wasn't feeling the best he tended to have trouble dealing with it. He knew that Ducky understood and didn't mind the gentle reminder.

"Of course, that is a story for another time I think." Ducky said as he wrapped up his exam. "Now I don't think we have much to worry about my dear boy, but we do need to get your temperature up to normal."

"Do we need to take him to a hospital Duck?"

That seemed to get Tony's attention as he groaned his displeasure at the mention of hospitals. Gibbs simply tightened his hold on him, he knew how much Tony hated hospitals but if his lover needed to go then he would carry him there if he had to. Tony's health mattered too much to play games with. It always had, to him at least.

Ducky smiled, "No I think he will do much better being here with us looking after him. It is only a mild case of hypothermia, and his lungs are clear for now. I will make him some hot chocolate to help him warm up a little while you continue to keep him calm. The fire will help warm him up nicely."

Gibbs smiled for the first time since he'd answered his phone, which reminded him he needed to call Abby back. He wasn't sure how long it had been since she'd called but he knew that if he didn't call her soon she would turn up on his doorstep sooner rather than later. He moved a little, much to Tony's displeasure, and retrieved his phone.

It barely had time to ring before Abby answered and was loudly demanding answers as to what was going on. Gibbs chuckled when he heard Tony whisper to tell her to take a breath. He knew then that his Tony would be all right.

"Abbs!" he called out after letting her rant for a few more moments just so that he could take the opportunity to watch Tony. When he finally got her attention he spoke again. "Abbs, he's going to be fine. I'm not sure what happened and I'm not going to push it for now. He's just a little chilly and tired. I'll make sure he calls you later once he's had a chance to get some sleep."

"Can't I just talk to him for a minute Gibbs? I promise I won't pester him, I just need to make sure he's all right."

"Abbs," Gibbs started only to stop as he felt Tony move to get a little closer to the phone.

"Good night Abby" Tony said before he settled back down against Gibbs.

Gibbs felt his smile grow a little more at Tony's antics. "Good night Abbs, and thank you for calling me." He said before he hung up. That would have to do her and the others for tonight. Now he had to concentrate on Tony, who seemed to be warming up quite nicely.

"Here you go my dear boy, drink up and then I think Jethro should take you to bed. I'll check on you later to make sure there are no complications but I do believe you have been very lucky this time." Ducky admonished as he handed the cup of hot chocolate to Gibbs to help Tony drink.

Gibbs let him take a few sips before he spoke.

"What happened Tony?" He asked when he saw that Tony was more alert. He saw the uncertainty flash over Tony's face before he continued. "It's not that I'm not pleased that you're here, but why? I thought we were going to have a movie night with the others at your apartment."

Tony glanced at both Gibbs and Ducky before he laid his head back on Gibbs shoulder. "I was and we did, it's just that the others fell asleep, and…."

Tony trailed off, he felt a little silly sitting here now. He wasn't sure that he wanted to admit what had been going through his mind. They would think he was stupid, weak.

"Hey, Tony, whatever it is you can tell me" Gibbs encouraged, he really wanted to know what had happened, had Tony got cold feet and decided to run? Or was it something else? He sighed and placed a gentle kiss on Tony's head, hoping that he'd get an answer, he wasn't going to push too hard for answers tonight.

"It can't be that bad my boy, what happened?" Ducky asked gently.

"I decided to go to bed, but I couldn't sleep." Tony said quietly. "After a while I realised that I couldn't sleep because you weren't there so I decided to come here."

Gibbs kissed the top of Tony's head again and pulled him a little closer. A small smile graced his face as he remembered the trouble he'd been having sleeping. "So why didn't you come in when you got here?"

"I wasn't sure what to do, I thought I'd drive past and see if you were still awake, and if you weren't I'd just go for a drive and head back to my apartment. Sometimes driving around for a little while is enough to make falling asleep a little easier." He couldn't stop the yawn that escaped, he was tired and being this close to Gibbs and warm again was better than any sedative that Ducky could ever give him. "But once I got here I didn't want to go anywhere else, but all the lights were out and I thought you were asleep. I didn't want to intrude…" Tony trailed off, unable to look at either Gibbs or Ducky to see the disappointment in their faces.

"Ah hell Tony, you should have come in. This is your home! You are always welcome here no matter what." Gibbs said as he lifted Tony's face so that he could look him in the eye. Tony shook his head in denial. "This is your home Tony, you can come and go as you please. Ducky can you get the folder from the bookcase for me?"

"Of course," Ducky retrieved it quickly and saw that it seemed to contain some legal documents.

"This is your home Tony, I've been waiting for the right time to give these to you but I think I may have waited too long." Gibbs said as he held out the document that he'd had his lawyers work on weeks ago. "Tony I want you to come home, please. Without you here this place is just a house, cold and empty. But with you it is a home, our home. You bring this house to life, you bring me to life, you make me a better man."

Tony looked at the documents that Gibbs was holding in front of him. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, it couldn't be right. Gibbs wouldn't have had the deeds to his home changed. Not for him. He hadn't done it for any of his ex-wives, he knew that, knew that the only other name that had been on the deeds had been Shannon's. He thought he must be dreaming, maybe he was still sitting in his cold car looking at the dark house that he so badly wanted to be inside of.

"You don't have to decide now, I said that we will take things at your pace and I meant it. I will do whatever I can to gain your trust again, to believe me again. But no matter what you decide, this house will always be your home. Even if you decide that you do not want to move back in."

Tony felt a rush of warmth flood through him, so much had happened since the explosion. But he'd never in his wildest dreams even hoped that he would be offered this. The one thing he'd been looking for all his life.

A home.

With someone who loved him, and who he loved. Gibbs may not be a man of many words, but his actions always spoke loudly, even the smallest ones.

"Home…" Tony whispered as he tried to get his mind around this. What Gibbs had offered him.

Gibbs sighed, he knew it was too much too soon, but he'd felt he had to try and make Tony understand just how important he was.

"If you really want to go home I'll take you after you finish your hot chocolate and get a little warmer. I don't want you going outside in the cold again so soon Tony." Gibbs said even as he held a little tighter to Tony. He didn't want him to leave now that he had him here, but if Tony wanted to go back to his apartment then he'd make sure that he got there safely. Would even stay if that was Tony wanted.

Ducky watched his friends with concern. In all the years he had known Gibbs he'd never seen him so in love, so happy as he was with Tony. And they had been good for each other, still were. But he wondered if his two friends, who could usually practically read each other's minds, were a little out of step with each other at the moment. He was about to step in when Tony beat him to it.

"No, this is home." Tony smiled gently, "I think it may have been even before we got together."

Gibbs smiled.

Ducky felt a tear escape as he watched his friends heal a little more. "I think you should finish your hot chocolate my boy and then let Jethro help you to bed so that you can both get some sleep."

Tony smiled around another yawn. "I think I like the sound of that."


End file.
